


A Path Well Traveled

by Kate04



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:04:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 87,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate04/pseuds/Kate04
Summary: AU – Newly engaged to be married, Sharon and Andy could not be happier, even as the search for Taylor's replacement is still ongoing. Then someone starts digging up things from their past that they would have preferred to remain secret. How will they deal with the fallout?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was started almost a year ago as a crazy idea that **Kadi219** fed during long conversations. It is set, for the most part, during the second part of season 5, but there are also parts that revisit Sharon and Andy’s past.  
>  The story is finished and is currently being edited, so updates will be posted as that progresses.   
> Many thanks to **NarcissaNerea** for being an awesome beta! As always, if you find any left over mistakes, you may keep them. 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, not my toys, but the owner tried to break them, so maybe I should just keep them.

>  
> 
> _“When your footsteps and thoughts carry you down the same path your heart and soul are directing you,_
> 
> _you will know without a doubt that you are headed in the right direction.”_
> 
> _―_ _Molly Friedenfeld_

_  
_

 

“So,” Amy said, drawing the word out as she eyed Sharon’s ring with a big smile, “have you and the Lieutenant set a date for your wedding yet?”

It was not the first time someone had asked that question. It was not even the first time Detective Sykes had asked. The young woman seemed to be extremely excited about the prospect of her superiors getting married. Sharon wondered if the young woman was thinking about taking that step with Lieutenant Cooper at some point. 

Giving the detective an indulgent smile, she cast a quick look at her fiancé who was standing a few feet away in front of the murder board. He grinned at her, his eyes softening as they met hers. The giddy feeling at the realization that he was going to be her husband soon was familiar to her by now, as was the presence of the beautiful ring he had put on her finger almost two weeks earlier. She caressed it with her thumb as she finally answered Amy’s question.

“No, not yet. There are still a lot of things to consider before we can do that, but we are hoping to make it happen in summer or early fall.” 

They would have to wait for their annulments to be granted first, for one. And Sharon really wanted to have the promotion issue resolved before they focused on making such a significant change to their personal lives. It was not that she feared getting married to Andy would have any consequences for her professionally. Their relationship had been reported to their superior, as had all subsequent, relevant developments, including their engagement. Even if Winnie Davis tried, and Sharon knew that she would, there was nothing she could do to use her relationship with Andy against her. 

Sharon’s concern was a little more selfish. She wanted to focus all her energy on their wedding. They had not meant for it to be a huge event, but once all their ideas had been put on the table, it had looked a little bigger than either one of them had originally thought. They wanted some time to make all the arrangements and preparations, and she did not want the stressful situation at work to take away from their happiness. They had discussed it at length and agreed that waiting a little longer would be best, even if their kids rolled their eyes at them. 

As Amy practically squealed at the idea of a summer wedding, putting out ideas for romantic locations, Sharon and Andy exchanged amused looks, being reminded of the way both their daughters had reacted to the news. 

It was moments like this that she loved most about her current job. The easy banter, the feeling of belonging, of being accepted and liked. She had not missed it before her transfer to Major Crimes, had not even considered that she might like it before she had started working closely with the team during her audit years ago. Not being liked, being an outsider, had always been a source of strength for her, an advantage that she had used whenever needed. 

She loved being part of this team, to know that she was able to chat and joke around with them one moment and trust that they would follow her orders the next. And she loved puzzling out mysteries with them. They had gotten to know one another so well that words often were not necessary to communicate. She was able to direct them with looks, they knew how her mind worked, when to provide additional information and when to let her think, and she knew the same about each one of them. 

She would miss that. A promotion might have been something she had coveted once, but at this point in her life, it held no interest for her anymore. It would put her in a solitary position once more. She would be forced to deal with politics and navigating the landmines of intradepartmental and public interests, something which she had gladly left behind when she departed FID. Sharon had no doubt that she would be able to do the job, that she would be good at it. That did not mean, however, that she wanted it, which, ironically, made her even more qualified for the job – at least if she wanted to believe Andy. 

They had talked about this issue many times over the last several months. He liked having her on the team, but he also knew that having a friendly face in the Assistant Chief’s chair would make their job a lot easier. Taylor had not always been easy to work with, but at least he’d had a personal interest in keeping Major Crimes running the way it was. The reorganization that had happened when Sharon had joined the team was partly his baby. 

Fritz Howard had just as little interest in changing things. He was not one for power plays or pushing people around to prove that he could. He expected people to respect him and his position, and he did what was necessary to achieve what he thought was best for the department, but he was a good man, one who was not driven by ambition. 

She had tried to sell Commander Mason as a very good candidate, but Andy had his doubts about the man. He did not trust the younger man to hold up his end of the deal once he got the job. As far as she was concerned, she would rather take her chances with Mason than report to Winnie Davis or do the job herself, but only time would tell how all that would end. 

For the moment, they had a case to wrap up. Their suspect had already signed her deal, and all that stood between them and an early night was paperwork. She was just about to tell everyone to get back to work when acting Assistant Chief Howard walked into the Murder Room. 

“Captain, may I speak to you, please?” 

He sounded concerned, a deep frown etched into his forehead. She nodded and gestured for him to follow her into her office. When he asked Andy to join them as well, she began to worry that her earlier thoughts about Chief Davis had been prophetic. 

Once she was settled behind her desk, the two men sitting in the chairs on the other side, she gave Howard an expectant look, waiting for him to fill them in. 

“We have a problem,” he stated, shifting slightly in his seat, reluctant to meet her gaze. “It’s not really an issue right now, but it has the potential of becoming one if the wrong person decides to make use of it.” 

There was no question as to which person Fritz was referring to. Winnie Davis was an all too big factor in all their lives at the moment and the source of a great number of their worries. 

“If you check your emails, you’ll find a link that I forwarded to you before I came over. It’s to an article on a local gossip site that features some concerning photos.” 

Fritz paused in his explanation to wait for Sharon to open the link he had sent her. She turned the laptop so that all of them were able to look at the site their superior had mentioned. 

It was one of those cheap gossip sites that thrived on unconfirmed rumors and blatant lies, the headlines designed to draw clicks. Once she had worked her way through all the pop-ups and ads that defied her ad-blocking software, Sharon felt her stomach drop at what she saw, and Andy cursed quietly across from her. 

The headline announced a dirty secret inside the LAPD that would change the department considerably. The article itself was no more than a couple of short paragraphs with no relevant information apart from the identities of the people in the pictures and their roles within the Police Department. 

It was the photographs that made Sharon feel as if someone had yanked the floor out from under her feet. They showed her and Andy at the beach, laughing, talking, holding hands, kissing. None of that would be anything more than a slightly annoying and embarrassing breach of privacy, if it were not for the fact that those photos had obviously been taken many years ago. Andy’s hair was still dark, and both their outfits suggested that it was sometime in the 90s. 

She cringed, both at the nature of the pictures and the unwelcome reminder of what had been considered fashionable back then. She did have fond memories of the large denim jacket that was draped over her shoulders in one of the photographs. It had been warm and smelled of its owner, who had frequently wrapped it around her when she had been cold. 

When she finally looked up from the screen, Sharon met Andy’s wide-eyed gaze. They were both thrown by what they had seen, unsure of how to deal with a past they had left behind them long ago. 

Chief Howard cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable to talk about something he considered none of his business. 

“I just want to be clear that, personally, I could not care less about whatever that,” he gestured at the computer, “was. Back then, you obviously didn’t work together, and I have the utmost confidence that none of that ever had any impact on your professional encounters.” 

He trusted Captain Raydor to put her professional integrity above all else. She had proven that at every turn over her long career, and he knew that his predecessor as well as the Chief of Police shared that trust. His personal opinion was not the problem, however. 

“So far, this doesn’t seem to have gotten the attention of any other media outlets. This site isn’t the most reliable source, so others will be reluctant to pick this up. But they did get those photos from someone, and that’s what concerns me. Unless you have an idea, there is no telling who that someone is, why they decided to leak these pictures, or whether they have more.” 

Everyone was silent for a moment as they let Howard’s words sink in. Both Sharon and Andy thought about who might be having a score to settle with them. The list was very long, considering the number or criminals they had locked up over the years, or in her case, the number of officers she had been forced to discipline. 

“I…” Sharon pressed her lips together and closed her eyes for a second to get her emotions under control. She was concerned about the possible fallout from this, but mostly she was mad. Whoever was behind this, they would rue the day they decided to mess with her if she ever got her hands on them. “I don’t know what to say, Chief. This was obviously a long time ago. It’s…” She hesitated, trying to find the right words to describe her relationship with Andy. “It’s a long, complicated story.” 

Howard shook his head. “There’s no need for you to explain anything, Captain. As far as I’m concerned, whatever happened back then is between you and Lieutenant Flynn. I just wanted to give you a heads up and suggest that you take some steps to limit the damage this could do. I don’t know who else is aware of what was going on, but you might want to talk to a few people. And if you can figure out how those photos got leaked, even better.” 

“Yeah, or who took them in the first place,” Andy grumbled, his eyes dark with anger. 

“Anyway, let’s hope this is the end of that story. If it’s not, we’ll face that when it happens. In the meantime, see that you get your case wrapped up and get your team out of here at a decent time, Captain. I would appreciate it if I didn’t have to listen to more complaints from the Pope about your department’s overtime.” 

With that, Fritz rose from his chair, nodded at both officers, and left. 

Sharon and Andy stared at one another in silence. Memories were being dragged up that they had spent years trying to ignore, not because they were bad or painful, but because it had been convenient. What had been was different. It had no bearing on their current relationship. Only now someone had blurred the lines, and they would have to figure out how to deal with that.

“Damn it!” 

Sharon’s heartfelt exclamation startled Andy out of his thoughts, and he raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah. So what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to talk to the kids. I don’t want them to find out from some gossip site.” 

Andy nodded, already trying to figure out how to make his children understand the complicated development of his and Sharon’s relationship without losing the trust they had just regained in him. 

Andy watched Sharon as she got up, rounded her desk and leaned against it in front of him, her hand reaching out for his. It was small and warm when his fingers closed around it, his thumb toying with her engagement ring. 

“It’s going to be okay, Andy. They will understand.” 

Her soft voice helped calm him down a little, as it always did, and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze to thank her. 

“I hope you’re right. I guess we should also think about telling the team. The way the rumor mill works, they’ll probably find out eventually.”

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together to keep from groaning. There were very few things she disliked more than to discuss personal business with her colleagues. With Andy, it had been different even before they started dating. There was a lot of history between them, but even he had not been privy to her private life for a long time after she had started working with him. 

“You’re right, of course. It’s just…” She sighed heavily, having a hard time finding the right words to express her frustration. 

“It’s just that you don’t want to,” he finished for her with an understanding smile. Sharon simply nodded. 

“Tell you what. I tell Provenza, which will be the hardest part, anyway, and then we take it from there. How’s that?” 

Andy got it. Sharon had spent her entire career trying her best to keep her personal and professional lives separate. For years, any information about her had been ammunition to be used against her by officers with a grudge, of which there had been many. Disclosing such sensitive information as their secret affair went completely against her instincts. If he could make it a little easier for her, he would gladly face Provenza’s complaints alone. It was different for him, after all. His colleagues were also his friends. He wasn’t their boss. 

“No, I cannot simply hand the responsibility for this off to you. That would not be fair.” 

She was vehement in her protest, determination settling over her features. It was settled for her. They had done the crime together, and they would face the music the same way. 

“Okay, but you can let me do the talking. I don’t mind doing it, and if you’re there with me, he’ll keep the complaining to a minimum,” he suggested, deciding not to point out that his partner would most likely let him have it the moment they were alone, anyway.

With a decisive nod, Sharon got up, rounded her desk and opened her office door to ask the older Lieutenant to join them. The earlier they got it done, the earlier they would be able to move on.

 

**~TBC~**


	2. Chapter 2

 

Sharon liked him from the first moment she had seen him with his children. Their sons both played soccer together, and whenever his job allowed, he took Charlie to practice. She also knew his wife Sandra. The woman was nice enough, but not too eager to socialize. She did not seem to enjoy her son’s new passion very much. Even though Andy was not much of a fan himself, still hoping the little boy would one day discover a love for baseball, he supported his son however he could. Sometimes, he sat on a bench, holding his daughter on his lap as they watched her little brother play, other times, he would help the coach out when he needed an additional hand.

In the beginning, they did not talk much, but over the first year, that changed. Andy discovered that she genuinely liked sports, and they had many playful arguments about the merits of football versus baseball. He laughed when she complained that, as a woman, she was automatically on concession stand duty. He stopped laughing when he found out that she knew more about soccer rules than he did. He had to admit that, while her brownies were spectacular, her skills were wasted in that area.

Sharon knew he was a police officer, too. They did not work together, but occasionally, they ran into one another at Parker Center or in one of the bars many of them went to after work. She did not do that so much anymore, unless she had to pick up her drunk husband. It was during those more and more frequent trips that she discovered that Andy seemed to spend an awful lot of time there, as well.

Then Jack left, and she only ever saw Andy when he managed to go to their sons’ soccer practice. He teased her endlessly when, two years after starting, both boys decided to switch to baseball. She did not tell him that, while she loved to watch football, she had no particular desire for her son to take up that sport. She preferred his bones to stay intact.

They never talked much about their personal lives, but she noticed that his marriage seemed to become more and more strained. His file crossed her desk a few times, mostly complaints about excessive force or brawls with other officers that got out of hand. Only once did she have to talk to him about showing up under the influence. Fortunately, he had done nothing more than to yell at a superior officer. It got him a two week suspension without pay and a very firm warning that it had better not happen again.

Towards the end of the kids’ first year of playing baseball, Andy stopped bringing Charlie to practice. It was always Sandra who took him. Sometimes, Sharon would find him in a remote corner during one of the games, well out of sight, watching his son play. She had heard rumors at work that his wife had thrown him out and filed for divorce. She had no idea what kind of custody agreement they had, but from the way Andy acted, Sharon suspected that Sandra had used his irregular working hours and his drinking to get sole custody. There were many times she wanted to ask him. Chances for an undisturbed conversation at the games were extremely rare, however. It was difficult enough to get him to exchange more than a handful of words as it was, if she managed to talk to him at all. He never joined her or the other parents. She assumed that he feared drawing Sandra’s attention and that his would start a fight.

It saddened her to see a man who so obviously adored his children be pushed out of their lives, even if he carried at least part of the blame for the situation. Her own husband came and went however he saw fit, seldom remembering he even had a family whenever he was on one of his benders. He had promised more than once to stop drinking, but he never quite managed to stick with it.

It was after a particularly bad day when she’d had a horrible, public fight with Jack that Sharon ran into Andy in a bar. Not quite ready yet to go home and face the man who was currently occupying the guest room - if he even came home at all - she had driven out to the beach to take a long, relaxing walk. When that had not helped her wind down, she had stopped at a small bar by the side of the road on the way home. It was far enough away from Parker Center to make sure that she would not run into anyone she knew, which was exactly what she wanted. Apparently, Andy had had a similar idea.

Climbing onto the vacant bar stool next to him, she ordered a glass of Cabernet and stared at the row of glasses that stood next to the sink right in front of her. The water had definitely been cleaner, and she tried not to think too hard about the objects that floated among the very sparse soap bubbles. Her fingers brushed over the worn wood of the bar, circling a particularly deep dent in the rough surface.

“Bad day?”

It was Andy’s gruff voice on her right that drew her out of her thoughts. She merely hummed before she took a large sip of her wine. It was sour and tasted of cork more than anything else. Sharon grimaced as she swallowed, already regretting that she had not gone for her typical Chardonnay. White wine was far more difficult to ruin than red.

“You?” she asked in response to his question.

Before he replied, Andy tossed back the rest of his Bourbon and signaled the bartender to refill his glass.

“Signed the papers today,” he finally mumbled into his fresh drink, his eyes fixed on a random spot in front of him.

Sharon did not know what to say to him. He was obviously miserable, and there was nothing she would be able to say to make him feel better. Instead of words, she gently placed her hand on his arm where it rested on the bar. There were questions she wanted to ask, about his children, about his own situation, but she was unsure whether he would welcome the intrusion, so she remained silent, waiting for him to open up to her if he wanted to. If she worried about him, it would at least keep her from thinking too much about her own problems.

They sat in silence for a long time, both sipping their drinks and ordering refills. Andy told the bartender to put her wine on his tab. The second glass was not as bad as the first, Sharon decided. Or maybe she had gotten used to the way it burned all the way down her throat.

At some point, they started joking about an elderly couple at the other side of the bar. The woman appeared to be nagging her husband relentlessly, while he cradled his beer and listened in stoic silence as if he no longer heard her voice.

“At least I’ll never be that guy,” Andy finally admitted, the humor gone from his voice.

“I already was that woman,” Sharon replied in a broken whisper, thinking of the words her husband had tossed at her earlier that day.

He abandoned his glass long enough to place his hand over hers where it still lay on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze. More silence followed as they both got lost in their own morose thoughts over several more drinks.

When Andy buried his face in his hands a little later, Sharon turned in her seat to face him, letting her hand slide up and down his back. She studied him closely, noticing the slightly shaky breaths and the almost imperceptible trembling of his shoulders. Discreetly scooting her stool closer to his, she put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him against her, not quite hugging, but letting him feel that he was not alone.

If her forehead had not been resting against his temple, she would not have heard the words that he uttered, voice thick with grief.

“They won’t let me see the kids anymore. I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye.”

Her heart broke for him. Sharon knew how much he loved those children and how much they loved him. He was a good father, but she also understood to some extent where Sandra was coming from. If Jack actually cared about his children, she was not certain whether she would allow him to be alone with them unless she could be sure that he was sober. To take them away from him completely would never occur to her, however – not unless he was violent.

At that moment, it would not help Andy to tell him that getting lost in a bottle was not a solution. Maybe she would try to broach that subject at another time, when they were not both more than just a little intoxicated. Instead, she tugged his head down to rest against her shoulder, letting her fingers comb through his hair.

 

 

She did not remember whose brilliant idea it had been to have sex in the backseat of her Volvo, or to have sex in the first place, but as she attempted to disentangle her sweaty limbs from Andy’s, she realized that car sex did not get more glamorous with age.

Her first time with Jack had been in the back of his car, because their dorm rooms were always too crowded, and their parents would not leave them alone long enough to exchange more than a few kisses.

It had been awkward and embarrassing back then, parked in a somewhat romantic spot in the mountains. More than a decade later, in the dark, almost deserted parking lot of a closed bar, it was even more clumsy. That was not to say that it was unsatisfying. Far from it, in fact. Despite their highly inebriated state and the cramped space of the backseat, it had been pretty spectacular.

Andy was a thoughtful and surprisingly patient lover. He had made sure they found a position that was comfortable for her when she had kept getting cramps in her thigh, and when it became clear that his control was slipping too fast for her, he went down on her with so much determination that she fell apart three times before he was done.

They were good together. He instinctively knew how to touch her. There was plenty of fumbling and shuffling around, but it was fun. They laughed as much as they moaned, and even after she had collapsed on top of him, sweaty and spent, every twitch of him inside her, every brush of his fingertips against her skin made her shiver with renewed passion. They were barely done, and she already wanted him again.

Her mind inevitably went down that road, wondering what it would be like if they had a bed and an entire night to explore one another. It was a delicious thought, but she pushed it away. They should never have done it in the first place. The ink on his divorce papers was not even dry yet, and she was still technically married, even if Jack rarely remembered that fact.

Sharon was unable to suppress the disappointed sigh when Andy slipped out of her. She shifted a little underneath him to retrieve a handful of tissues from between the front seats to try and contain the mess they had created before it ended up on the upholstery. It took more effort than they liked to admit for them to sit up without someone getting crushed, and to get dressed once again. Maybe taking off all their clothes had not been such a smart idea, Their hunger for naked skin had been too great to ignore, though. Feeling his hands and lips all over her body had definitely been worth it.

As they shuffled around, handing underwear, socks, and shirts back and forth, there was no laughter anymore. Neither one of them knew what to say. The pleasant buzz of intoxication had worn off, and with it her temporary lapse in common sense. In its place, she felt guilt weighing heavily on her conscience. She had slept with a man who was not her husband, and while she felt horrible for having committed a sin, she still had a hard time feeling any regret. That, more than anything, concerned her. It did not matter how badly her husband had treated her or what kind of names he had called her. It also did not matter that he was not faithful, either. Sharon firmly believed in the sanctity of marriage, and the fact that Jack cheated on her whenever he felt like it, whether he was currently living at home or not, was not an excuse for her behavior.

Closing her eyes, Sharon clutched her dark blue sweater to her chest, curling her fingers into the soft fabric as she tried to keep the tears from spilling over her lashes. When had her life turned into such a mess? She used to be so happy. Jack had been a wonderful, loving husband and a doting father. There had been a time when she had no reason to doubt that he loved her deeply. When had that changed, and why had she not noticed until it was too late?

"Hey, come here," Andy rasped into her hair as he put an arm around her and pulled her against his side.

He was warm and solid, and she allowed herself to take the comfort he was offering, if only for a little while longer. She did not cry. That was not something she did in front of other people. Not even Jack had ever seen her shed more than a tear or two.

It took several minutes of deep, controlled breaths for her to regain some semblance of composure. The palms of her hands stung where her nails had dug into the skin, leaving crescent marks behind. All the while, Andy gently stroke her back in large, calming circles, patiently waiting for her to tell him what was wrong. She had not known that she even wanted to talk about it until the words began to spill out of her, barely more than a whisper.

"Jack came home three weeks ago. He promised that he wanted to do better and that he wanted to stop drinking and playing cards. He asked me to help him."

Andy pulled her closer, needing the closeness just as much as she did. He was aware of Jack's problems, just as he knew that he himself was drinking too much. It was what Sandra had kept telling him. And then she had tossed him out and taken his children away from him, leaving him with nothing else to fill his lonely nights than a bottle of bourbon.

"You said yes," he prompted, his words not really a question, because he already knew the answer.

"Of course. I love him, Andy. I want him to be well again. I want him to be the father our children need."

It was what he had expected. He had known Sharon long enough to be aware of how deeply she loved Jack Raydor. The man was a lucky son of a bitch to have a wife like her.

"So what happened?" If things had gone well, she would not have ended up in the back of her car with him. She would be at home with her family instead, and he would probably have found someone else to take his mind off of his problems.

Sharon sighed, absent-mindedly toying with the buttons of his shirt. "I was supposed to pick him up from a meeting, but he wasn't there. Instead, I found him at a strip club a few blocks from the community center. He was getting a lap dance from a barely dressed blonde."

Andy shook his head as he imagined the situation and how it must have hurt for her to find her husband like that.

"When I asked him to come home, he refused. We had a fight in the middle of that club with everyone looking on. I don't think I have ever felt that humiliated before. I was so angry." Her voice hitched, and she buried her face in the folds of his shirt to hide her struggle against a renewed flood of tears from him.

This time, a few tears escaped as she remembered how Jack had stood in the dimly lit room, swaying slightly on his feet, an angry scowl on his face. He had called her a horrible, nagging wife and a prude, among other things, accusing her of forcing him to drink and find his relief elsewhere. He had gotten right in her face and told her that no one would be able to be with her while sober. She had left after that, pushing through the curious onlookers until she stepped out into the fresh evening air. It was not until she had reached the relative privacy of her car that she had allowed herself to cry, if only for a brief moment. Then she had wiped away her tears, fixed her makeup, and decided to take advantage of her babysitter and drive out to the beach to give herself a little more time to calm down.

"I'm sorry, Sharon." It was all he could think to say. She did not need him to promise her that everything would be all right, that Jack would come around, that he would feel horrible once he was sober. He probably would, but Andy doubted that it would change anything. There would be apologies and promises, but it would not mean anything unless the other man would actually change.

Pulling out of his embrace, Sharon sat up once more, hastily swiping at her damp cheeks. She carefully shook out her sweater and pulled it over her head, running her fingers through her hair to untangle it. Next to her, Andy was busy straightening his own clothes in silence. When they were both done, Sharon stared at an old, dark smudge on the back of the front passenger seat, aware of his eyes resting on her, waiting for her to say something.

“This can’t happen again, Andy,” she finally said without looking at him.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him nod. “I know,” he replied, sounding defeated.

With a quick glance at him, she allowed her fingers to brush over the back of his hand that rested on his thigh.

“I’m a married woman.” It was meant to reestablish the boundaries, to remind them why it would never be repeated. Instead, it sounded to both of them like an apology, like an unwelcome reason to stay away from something that had given both of them a means to escape. It had been nothing more, but for a few stolen moments, she had not thought about the precarious state of her marriage, or her cheating husband, or the possibility of coming home to another one of his letters.

He nodded once again, clearing his throat in an attempt to dislodge the lump that had settled there.

“I should…” He gestured towards the road that lay beyond the deserted parking lot.

“Yes. I have to go home, too, and relieve the babysitter.”

There had been plans for her and Jack to go out for dinner after his meeting, so she had asked her neighbor to stay a little later than usual, but it was past midnight by now. She felt horrible for being so selfish. The elderly woman loved looking after her children, but to keep her up for so long just because Sharon felt like getting drunk and sleeping with someone she barely even considered a friend had not been part of the deal. She felt sick at the thought that she was no better than her wayward husband.

They both climbed out of the car, and Sharon walked around it to lock the doors before they both made their way to the street to find a taxi that would take them home. She had not planned to leave her car behind, but despite not feeling intoxicated anymore, she knew that she was still over the legal limit, and she was glad that Andy was being responsible as well.

Their farewell was brief, a whispered good night and a gentle brush of lips against cheek. She watched him stand on the sidewalk as her taxi pulled away, and she already missed his presence beside her. She dreaded coming home to the loneliness that filled her life. While she loved her children with all her heart, they could not replace what had been missing from her marriage for several years. Even when Jack was home, he was not really present anymore. He tried, but his mind and heart were elsewhere. She had not realized it until Andy had reminded her what it felt like to be with someone who truly saw and appreciated her. She was under no illusion that their little indiscretion was anything more than that to him, but he had made her see just how much things had changed in her marriage, even during those times when Jack was trying.

It would be easy to give up, to do as Andy’s wife had done and walk away from her husband and maybe find her happiness elsewhere, but that was not who she was. Sharon had never been a quitter, and she would not start now. After what had happened between her and Andy, she was not exactly in a position to judge. They both had made mistakes, and maybe it was time to let go of what was in the past and try to build a better future. Eleven years ago, she had sworn in front of a priest that she would love Jack Raydor, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Maybe Jack had forgotten those vows, but she had not. She would fight for her marriage, and that was a fight she intended to win.

 

**~TBC~**


	3. Chapter 3

 

Sharon had thought that telling the team would be the hard part. She had not been prepared for what they were faced with when they finally sat down with their children. Provenza had been a walk in the park by comparison. 

Her oldest Lieutenant had not been pleased, of course. He had offered a few choice words on the matter, _idiots_ being among the more harmless ones, but over all, he had shown some restraint. At least until he got a chance to talk to Andy without her around. Provenza had not admitted it, but it was obvious that he had been a little hurt. His best friend had griped about the wicked witch of FID for years when he was at work, only to sneak around behind everyone’s backs and sleep with her. 

Once he had gotten over the worst of his initial objections, Provenza had gotten even more angry about the leaked photos. Andy was his best friend, and over the past five years, he had grown fond of Sharon as well. His blood boiled at the thought of someone trying to hurt them by dragging up the distant past, by airing the private affairs of two people who valued their privacy as much as Sharon and Andy. 

Together, the three of them had decided not to tell the rest of the team. So far, they were looking at a few harmless old photos posted on an obscure website. Provenza assured them that, even if they heard about it, they would not think much of it. There was too much respect between the members of their division for them to stick their noses into things that clearly were none of their business. If this issue turned out to become bigger than it was at present, they would rethink their approach. Until then, it was decided that they would ignore it and move on. 

Despite their wait and see approach at work, Sharon and Andy chose to sit down and talk to their children about their past. While it did not exactly concern them, they wanted to avoid hurt feelings and broken trust if at all possible. The main reason they decided to have that conversation before it even became an issue was the fact that her children were scheduled to visit for a few days. It was supposed to be a small celebration of their engagement, but Sharon and Andy used the opportunity of having all of their children in one room. All of them, except Charlie, who still refused to have more contact with his father than absolutely necessary.

It was a lovely evening with a lavish dinner and lively conversation. Nicole and her children took an instant liking to each other, joking and teasing their parents. Rusty, after overcoming his initial bewilderment, contributed more than one embarrassing story about catching the couple in various compromising positions over the almost two years they had been dating. At the time he had not been amused, but in hindsight, the situations were hilarious, especially paired with seeing Sharon and Andy squirm in their seats at the dinner table. 

It pained them to have to ruin the exuberant mood, but once the table was cleared of dessert, and drinks were refilled, Sharon glanced at Andy, the set of her mouth and the almost imperceptible straightening of her shoulders enough to let him know it was time. Her hands were folded, resting on the table in front of her, and Andy covered them with his, squeezing them encouragingly as he gave her a small nod. 

The conversation around them slowly petered out as the kids picked up on the unspoken conversation between their parents. Four pairs of eyes were focused on them, making Sharon even more nervous than she already was. Her stomach was tied in knots as she tried to find the right words to start. Andy’s presence beside her and the warmth of his hand on hers gave her comfort and strength, and she briefly reflected on how true that had been for so many years. 

“There is something Andy and I need to tell you,” she finally began. 

“Are you pregnant?” came Ricky’s immediate question, his tone dead serious. Only the slight twinkle in his eyes gave him away. 

Sharon’s and Rusty’s eyes widened simultaneously, and while the former blushed and gaped at her offspring, the latter buried his face in his hands and groaned. “Dude! Gross,” he exclaimed, shaking his head as if he was trying to dislodge the images his older brother’s question had evoked. 

On the other side of the table, Nicole’s grin turned into laughter when Emily slapped the back of Ricky’s head and rolled her eyes. Andy shook his head at the exchange, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly as he tried to contain his amusement. 

Narrowing her eyes at Ricky and Emily, Sharon sighed. “Children, please,” she admonished them. 

It took a moment for them to settle down completely, giving Sharon a little more time to consider her next words. She decided not to address Ricky’s preposterous question. 

“Ordinarily, we would not talk to you about this, because it is rather personal and, considering everything that has happened over the last two years, we did not think it would be relevant anymore.” 

She had everyone’s undivided attention after that statement, and after a sideways glance at the man next to her, she continued. 

“Something has come up last week, however, and we thought that we should tell you about this before you hear it somewhere else.” 

Her older children frowned, both leaning forward, their arms resting on the table. Rusty shifted nervously in his seat, his hands subconsciously rubbing back and forth on his thighs as if he was trying to dry them. Nicole sat back, her arms crossed in front of her, her brows drawn together in a frown that looked very much like her father’s. She was already on the defensive, and Sharon wondered if she would ever trust her father enough to not immediately think the worst. 

When Sharon gave him a nod, Andy pushed a folder that had been sitting on the table in front of them over to Rusty. The boy opened it and slowly lifted a printout of the article out of it. He put it in the middle of the table and turned it slightly so that they could all look at it together. 

They had debated on how to tell their children about the part of their past that they had spent so many years hiding. There was no easy way to do it, and in the end they had figured that it would be best to simply show them and then confront their questions afterwards. 

Sharon turned one of her hands beneath Andy’s, allowing their fingers to entwine as they held on to each other in support. Time seemed to pass in a crawl, but when the reactions finally came, the couple still were not ready. 

“I don’t believe this!” 

It was Nicole who was first to make her outrage known. She pushed her chair back and got up, pacing back and forth behind it. 

“Over two years ago, we stood right here in this room, and you told me that you were just friends. You insisted that there was nothing else going on between the two of you, and now you’re telling us that you’ve been – what?” 

She threw her hands in the air, shaking her head in disgust. Her eyes were almost black as she glared at them. If the matter were less serious, Sharon would laugh at how much like her father she was. All too often over the years had she been faced with a similar expression. 

Next to her, she felt Andy tense. He had expected that his daughter would react badly, and he feared that the relationship they had built over the last several years would be damaged by their revelation. Sharon had promised him that they would do everything they could to make sure that did not happen.

“Nicole,” she tried in a calm, placating voice. “We were not lying to you when we said that we were just friends.”

The young woman put her hands on her hips and sneered down at Sharon, her tone biting. “Oh yeah? You simply forgot to mention the benefits part of your friendship, is that it?” 

Before Sharon was able to come up with an answer, Andy rose from his chair and, bracing his hands on the table, leaned towards his daughter with a thunderous expression on his face. 

“That’s enough! I get that you’re angry, but I won’t let you talk to Sharon that way. She has done nothing wrong. It’s me you’re pissed off at, so don’t let it out on her.” 

A gentle touch on his back calmed him down a little, but he did not back down. He understood Nicole’s disappointment, and he knew that it was his own fault that she did not trust him, but he would not allow her to use that tone with his fiancée. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Right now, I’m pretty angry at both of you,” she shot back with a glare. “I just,” she paused, shaking her head once more. “Excuse me, but I can’t do this right now.” 

With that, Nicole turned away from the dining room table and strode across the room to the partly opened patio doors and stepped out onto the balcony. When Andy called after her and was ready to follow her, Sharon wrapped her hand around his arm, keeping him beside her. 

“Let her go, Andy. She needs a moment to think about this.” 

It was something Sharon could relate to, and she knew that Andy would not help his case if he started an argument with his daughter at that moment. The young woman was not going anywhere. It could not hurt to let her calm down for a little while. In the meantime, they still had her children to deal with, all of whom were suspiciously quiet. 

Andy hesitated, his eyes still on the door his daughter had just stepped through, but then he relented. With a sigh, he returned to his seat beside his fiancée, bringing his attention back to the people who remained sitting around the table. 

Everyone was quiet for a little while, sipping their drinks, not looking at one another. It was an awkward silence, heavy with the words that had been said and words yet unspoken. Sharon knew that she needed to address the elephant in the room, but after the way Nicole had reacted, she was reluctant, worrying about her own children’s response. Several times, she drew a deep breath to speak, only to close her mouth again when words evaded her. 

It was Ricky who finally broke the silence. Slowly twisting his glass between his fingers, he studied the way the red wine sloshed around inside. He appeared totally transfixed by his actions, and his voice sounded almost distracted. 

“You know, when I was little, I was convinced that Mom had made a mistake and that there was a real father for me out there somewhere.” He finally looked up at his mother with pleading eyes, his expression almost serious. “ _Please_ tell me this is you finally coming clean. You’d totally make my day, Mom.”

Sharon choked on her tea, and Andy gently patted her back as he tried to figure out if he wanted to shake the boy or laugh. Rusty had obviously chosen laughter, while Emily silently glared at her brother. 

When he realized that Sharon was still struggling to breathe, Andy took it upon himself to set the younger man straight. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, Ricky, but I’m afraid that you’ll have to make do with Jack. I didn’t even know your mother before you were born.”

The slumped shoulders and exaggerated pout did not completely mask the true disappointment that lay hidden beneath the jokes. It saddened him to see a glimpse of the little boy who desperately wanted a Dad who loved him enough to be there when he was needed, who chose his kids over booze and cards. It was a painful reminder of the way his own children must have felt when he had decided to drown his problems in a bottle instead of coming home to play with them. The only difference was that Sharon had done her best to get Jack to stay involved, even if the result was rarely more than a phone call for their birthdays. Sandra, on the other hand, had not been too eager to let him be a part of Nicole’s and Charlie’s lives. She had found someone who had been a better father to them. 

“Are you sure about that? Because you guys definitely have the same strange sense of humor,” Rusty piped in, tilting his head slightly as he studied the two men. 

A strangled sound came from Andy’s right where Sharon had her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking. 

“You’re right. He also shares my talent for stepping into it with both feet, but I’m sure that I’m not responsible for him. I’d remember that. Your mom is not the kind of woman you forget meeting.” 

If he gave his last word a little more emphasis, he would deny that it was done on purpose, just as he would deny that the reactions it provoked were extremely satisfying. Both boys shuddered and groaned in disgust at the concept of what they liked to call old people sex, and the woman next to him unsuccessfully tried to suppress a snort. 

A little while later, after finally having regained her breath, Sharon let her flattened hands glide over the smooth, dark wood of the table, attempting to focus her thoughts on the original purpose of their conversation once again. As much as she enjoyed seeing her family laugh and joke together, they needed to discuss this issue in order to move on, and the sooner they got it over with, the sooner they could put it behind them. 

“As Andy said, we did not even know each other until years after the two of you were born.” She stared at her fingers that were curled around her tea cup before she looked up to seek out her children’s faces one by one. 

“Look, I’m not going to go into detail, because that is between Andy and I. What you need to know is that when your father left and I was having a hard time dealing with that, Andy was there for me. It was different from what we are having now, but it was what we both needed at the time.” 

Once again, she felt Andy’s hand covering one of hers, and she cast a quick glance at him. In the depth of his dark eyes, she saw everything she was feeling as well. There was the pain of past regrets, gratitude for having had someone to help carry the weight of broken promises, and happiness for the love and friendship that had grown out of all that eventually. 

That first night, when they had shared a few drunken moments in the back of her car, she had never expected that they would end up loving one another, that she would reach a point where she was unable to imagine her life without him. 

“So, you guys had some kind of occasional hook-up arrangement going on?” It was Ricky who once again bluntly stated what the other two kids were thinking. 

Both Sharon and Andy cringed at the unflattering image his words created, but he was not entirely wrong. That might not have been all they were to one another, even all those years ago, but there was no need to fill them in on every little detail of their past relationship, especially considering that there were some things the two of them had not even discussed with each other. 

“Something like that,” Andy replied as he stared into his fiancée’s eyes, their wordless communication conveying so much more. 

On the other end of the table, Emily huffed in annoyance, drawing everyone’s attention to her. 

“I can’t believe you can just shrug this off with a flippant remark, Ricky,” she threw at her brother with an annoyed glare. 

His previously amused expression turned into one of confusion as he frowned at the young woman. 

“What do you expect me to do, Emily? Do you want me to send Mom to her room without dinner? And for what? For daring to live a little?” 

He really did not understand his sister. Not too long ago, she had encouraged their mother to go out more, to find someone to share her life with. That had been before they knew about her friendship with Andy, before Rusty had been in the picture. Why she suddenly resented the idea of their mom actually having done all that, he did not know. 

She sighed and rolled her eyes at Ricky’s exaggeration. He liked to be overly dramatic. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she protested. Then she faced her mother and future stepfather. “It’s not that I’m not glad you found each other or that you weren’t alone when Dad left. It’s just that all these years, you led us to believe that, despite all the horrible things he did, you were always faithful to Dad. I don’t know what to think of all this.” She gestured at the couple across the table from her. “I mean, I remember seeing Andy at the house a few times when we were little, but you said he was a friend. I never once thought that the two of you were…” She could not say it. Ricky had used the words, but Emily had a hard time seeing her mother like that. 

Sharon sighed and closed her eyes briefly, placing her elbows on the table and folding her hands as she leaned forward. 

“Emily,” she began, her voice soft and full of understanding. “I never meant to deceive you or your brother. I simply decided to be a little more discreet about my extramarital activities than Jack. He might not have been as good a husband as he could have been, and he might have hurt all of us by walking away, but that did not mean that I wanted to hurt _him_. I also did not want to put you two in a position where you would feel obligated to keep secrets from your father.” 

She did not share the details of how it all had started, of what had brought her to that bar where she had met Andy the night they had first ended up together. Sharon did not think they needed to know that she had come home from work a week later to find her husband in their bed with another woman, that seeing how little he cared about their marriage had broken her heart. It was not necessary for them to learn that, for once, it had been their mother who had drowned her problems in alcohol, and that her judgment had been just clouded enough to find comfort in the arms of another man. 

Maybe they would understand it all better if she did, if she explained how her guilt over having pushed her husband away and over being unfaithful had eaten at her constantly, how she had felt as if she was failing on all fronts, as a wife, a mother, a police officer. Andy had offered a temporary refuge from all that, and she had been the same to him. 

“I did the best I could back then. I know it was not always enough, and I am sorry about that.” 

There were tears in her eyes. Not enough to make it past her lashes, but more than enough to make Ricky feel horrible. 

“Mom, don’t be ridiculous,” he protested. “You gave us everything we needed, even if it meant that you had to stay up around the clock to make it to practice, games, recitals, and PTA while working overtime to pay off Dad’s debts. I know that we didn’t show you nearly enough how much we appreciated that, and I guess we still don’t. You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“Ricky is right, Mom. I’m sorry that I implied you did something wrong. It’s just that you always seemed to have everything figured out. I know that you struggled, but you never let us see it. You always had an answer, you always knew what to do, and you always did the right thing. At least that’s what it felt like when we were little. That’s not an easy idea to let go of.” 

She shrugged, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the silly, childish image she still had of her mother, even though, logically, she knew that Sharon Raydor was as much a fallible human as everyone else. She was simply better at hiding it.

There was another rather immature idea she was still struggling to let go of. Ever since her father had first left them, she had believed that he would come back. In the beginning, their mother had believed it, too. She had told them that Daddy had some things he needed to take care of and that he would be back soon. At some point, those assurances had turned into the promise that, no matter what, Mommy and Daddy would always love them very much. And then their mom had stopped talking about him, only mentioning him when they asked or the few times he actually remembered that he had a family. During those years, Jack had come and gone as he pleased, sometimes staying for a year or two, sometimes only for a few weeks or days. 

Despite all that, Emily had always held on to that small, stubborn hope that they might one day be a real family again. Ricky had no memories of what it was like before their father had left; he was too young to remember. It was different for Emily, and she could not help thinking back to the days when her daddy had laughed and played with her, when he had come home at the end of the day, not smelling of cheap booze or cigarette smoke or a perfume that was not her mother’s. She longed for the time when he had made her mother smile and brought that special shine to her eyes that had not been there for many years, not until Andy Flynn had come into her life. 

That, more than anything, helped Emily get over her initial shock. Andy made her mother happy. So what if that had started earlier and in a different way than they had thought? The problem was the unrealistic picture she had in her head of her mother and her parent’s relationship. That was something she would have to deal with on her own. It was not her mother’s responsibility. 

Sharon smiled at her daughter, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. It pained her to think how much her children had suffered and were still suffering because of their parents’ failed marriage. No matter how much Jack’s drinking and gambling was to blame, she would always feel guilty. It took two people to break up a marriage, and she had done her part. 

She had realized not too long ago that there was nothing she was able to do to make Jack a better father. That was between him and Ricky and Emily. She could only make sure that her children knew how much she loved them. Maybe, over time, they would understand that there was someone else in their lives now who loved them and considered them family. He might not be able to replace their father, but Andy was a good man, and he cared deeply about her children, just as she loved his. 

With the older two taken care of, that only left Rusty to comment. He had followed the conversation quietly, his face not giving anything away. When Sharon turned towards him and raised a questioning eyebrow to prompt him to say what was on his mind, he simply shrugged. His fingers twitched, and she knew that he was trying hard not to pull down the sleeves of his sweater. 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say, mom. The way I see it, this is between you and Andy. It’s not really any of my business what the two of you did before I came along. Not that I want to know too much about that, anyway.” He made a face at the implications of his own words before he continued. “All I care about is that you’re happy, and Andy obviously makes you happy.” 

With a shrug he picked up his soda, hiding his embarrassment behind the glass as he waited for Sharon’s reaction. He realized that his attitude towards his mom’s relationship with the Lieutenant had not always been that accepting, and he felt shame at the way he had behaved back then. They had talked about that, of course. With Sharon, everything was always a discussion. With Sharon’s and Doctor Joe’s help he had figured out why he had reacted so negatively to their relationship in the beginning, even though he had seen it coming long before Sharon had. It still made him feel bad that he had been at least part of the reason why they had held back for so long, and every time Sharon was reluctant to share something concerning her relationship with Andy, he was reminded that she had good reason to be weary. 

That was long ago, however, and he had learned to accept and appreciate the Lieutenant’s presence in their lives. That did not mean that he wanted to know any details, though. What they had done in the past was so far within _too much information_ territory that he wanted to pour bleach into his head for fear of imagining any of it. Why someone would drag out something that happened so long ago, he did not understand, but it angered him that someone was obviously out to hurt his mom and Andy. 

Sharon breathed a sigh of relief when the last of her children accepted their revelations without protest. Rusty’s reaction had been the one that had most concerned her. His past had made him weary of secrecy and lies, and she had promised him years ago that she would always be honest with him. While she had not technically lied to him, the way she and Andy had talked about their relationship in front of their friends and families had strongly implied a certain narrative. She felt a huge weight tumble off her shoulders when none of her children seemed to have any lingering issues with the fact that she had neglected to share that part of her history. 

Next to her, Andy still seemed tense and worried, his glance shifting towards the balcony where Nicole still brooded in solitude. She knew that he would not be able to stay away much longer. Andy hated unresolved conflicts. It had taken them a while to find a way to deal with their own differences of opinion, because she, like Nicole, liked to think things through, while Andy preferred to have it out right away. They had met somewhere in the middle with her taking less time to brood and him learning that giving her a few minutes had its benefits. When they did talk it out, he’d had time to cool down a little and put things into perspective, and she had not yet managed to swallow her anger entirely. It made her more likely to say things she might otherwise have kept to herself, which, it turned out, greatly benefited their relationship. 

While they had worked on their conflict resolution strategies, she had become very skilled at recognizing when he had reached the end of his patience for her silence. He had reached that moment a while ago. That he still sat at the table was only due to the fact that he did not want to abandon her before things were settled with her children, and she was grateful for that. 

Smiling, she gave his arm a gentle squeeze as she nodded towards the balcony, indicating that he should go ahead and talk to Nicole. His gaze lingered on hers for a moment longer, and she saw apprehension, regret, uncertainty, and so much more reflected in his eyes. Reluctantly he got to his feet and walked over to the balcony door, briefly caressing the back of her neck as he passed behind her. 

She watched him step through the sliding door, torn between staying put to give her children a chance to ask questions they might still have and joining Andy outside to support him. Deciding to give father and daughter a few minutes on their own, she returned her attention to her almost cold tea, taking a sip and surreptitiously studying the three young adult that sat around the table with her. 

“Are you going to tell grandma and grandpa?” 

It was Emily who broke the heavy silence, looking worriedly at her mother. Sharon had not shared with her children how her own parents had reacted to the news that she was getting married again, but she suspected that at least the older two had a pretty good idea. 

Her parents were very traditional, deeply religious people. While they were disappointed in Jack for having abandoned his family, they both believed in the words _for better or for worse_ , and did not think divorce was an option. However, they realized that their daughter was more than old enough to make her own decisions. When she had told them that she was seeing another man, one who had a history similar to Jack’s, they had shared their opinion rather vehemently. To say that they were displeased to hear that their daughter was engaged once again would have been an understatement. 

Sharon knew that they would come around eventually. They might not approve of her decision to get remarried or of the man she had chosen, but they would not miss being present when it happened. She was convinced that, once they met him, her parents would like Andy. They would see that he was nothing like Jack, and that he loved her deeply. 

That did not mean, however, that she intended to tell them that she had cheated on her husband with the man she was going to marry. Unless something else came up which would make it absolutely necessary, she would keep that information from them. 

“No, I don’t think I will. Not at the moment,” she responded with a wry smile, which Emily and Ricky returned. 

Ricky shrugged, his tone as snarky as he dared when speaking about his grandparents in front of his mother. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Let’s not poke that particular bear.”

The last time he had called his grandparents, he had sat through a lengthy lecture on all the ways in which his mother was making a mistake, and he was not all that keen on a repeat performance any time soon. He got the whole _respect your elders_ thing, but when they were questioning the judgment of the woman who had faced all the crap life tossed her way head on without flinching and without complaining, he’d had a hard time keeping quiet. It was only too easy to imagine what they would have to say if they knew their daughter had had a sordid affair for years, and he did not want to hear it. Neither, it seemed, did his mother.

 

 

Nicole’s back was turned to him when he stepped out onto the balcony. Her hands were braced on the balustrade as she stared out over the city. The view was one of the reasons neither he nor Sharon were too sad that their search for a house had been put on hold for the time being. By day he enjoyed the fact that they could see Griffith Park, but when it was dark, the sight of the city lights was just as breathtaking. That was what his daughter was looking at when he joined her, and he let his gaze travel over the familiar view. He stood next to her at the railing, waiting for her to speak. 

When she kept staring into the distance, her jaw clenched stubbornly, he sighed, once again regretting that she got her stubbornness from him. 

“Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you about how things started between Sharon and I, but that doesn’t mean what we told you two years ago wasn’t true.” 

It was hard to keep the frustration out of his voice. He resented the fact that they needed to have this discussion at all, that someone had put them in that position for some stupid reason. Most of all, however, he hated that there was so little trust between him and his children that they could not simply accept that there were things in his past he did not share with them. It was something he only had himself to blame for. Sure, his ex-wife had not helped in that regard, but it was not her fault. It was just so damn frustrating to be forced to prove over and over again that he had changed, that he was a different man now. 

“You know, Mom told me not to believe what you were saying about Sharon from the very beginning. I should’ve listened to her.”

The disappointment and bitterness in her voice stung, but what she said next felt like a physical blow. 

“When did it start, Dad? Did you cheat on Mom with Sharon?” 

She sounded like a little girl, scared to learn the ugly truth about the world. That she even felt the need to ask that question showed him how little his daughter knew about him, and once again, he vowed to do everything he possibly could to change that. 

“There are many things your mother can accuse me of, but having been unfaithful isn’t one of them. I was a rotten husband, and I wasn’t as good a father as I wish I had been, but I was never a cheater. I loved your mother, and I always will in some way. That’s why she can drive me crazy like no one else.“ 

That was something that had taken him a while to understand. Sandra only had the power to annoy him beyond words because some part of him still cared what she thought. Indifference was not something he felt towards her, and would likely never be. 

“I knew her before you mother and I split up,” he began to elaborate. “You probably don’t remember, and I’m not even sure if the boys remember, but Ricky and Charlie were on the soccer team together and then they both switched to baseball. She was just another parent, and we got to talk. She was fun and smart, and we had a good time chatting about the job and you kids. That was all it was for years. We were both married, and the thought never occurred.” 

Of course, he had noticed even back then that she was a very attractive woman, but, as he had told Nicole, he was not a cheater. Even when things between Sandra and him had taken a turn for the worse, he had not considered finding comfort elsewhere. 

“The day I signed the divorce papers, we ran into each other. I was feeling like crap, because I just lost my family, and Sharon had a bad fight with her husband. We talked, and one thing lead to another.” 

He shrugged, glancing at his daughter out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to have relaxed slightly, but she still refused to look at him. 

“We didn’t have a relationship or anything. Neither one of us was ready for that. It was… simple. We knew and trusted each other, and sometimes it just felt good to be with someone like that.” 

Andy hoped that Nicole did not need him to expand on that last statement. It was awkward enough to tell his kid about his sex life without having to go into detail, but it seemed that he would not be that lucky.

The young woman finally turned towards him, frowning angrily. Her tone was biting, reminding him of her mother, but at least she was talking to him. 

“So what was the arrangement? You gave her a call and you met up at some cheap hotel, or did you buy her dinner first? I can’t believe what’s happening here. I mean, Mom always said that you screwed around a lot, but I never imagined it would be this bad.” 

He felt his pulse throb in his temple and his face heat with anger. He got that she was hurt, but there was only so much he would let her get away with. She was stepping perilously close to the line. 

“Damn it, Nicole,” he growled, louder than he intended. With a deep, measured breath, he attempted to regain at least some control over his temper before he went on in a much calmer, if still tense, voice. 

“You don’t know what it is like to feel so lonely that you think it will swallow you whole. There were days when I didn’t know why I was still getting up in the morning. I realize that I only had myself to blame for that, but knowing that didn’t exactly make me feel better, either.” 

He rubbed a hand over his head, his fingers sliding through his hair in frustration. 

“Sharon was there through all of that. I didn’t need to explain anything to her. She didn’t ask any questions or ask more of me than I could give her at the time, and I did the same in return. She was having a rough couple of years with Jack, and she didn’t have the time or energy to get involved with anyone.” 

With a sigh, Andy tried to push memories of those days back into the dark corners of his mind. Apart from very few exceptions, those were not years he liked to remember. 

“Look, I don’t expect you to understand. To be honest, I’m not sure I understand all of it myself. What you need to know is that Sharon helped me through a really dark time simply by being part of my life occasionally, and I think that maybe I helped her a little, too. So when we told you that we were just friends, that was the truth. Whatever we were in the past had ended even before Sharon became my boss.” 

Nicole studied him for a long moment, and he could see the wheels turning inside her head. It was a lot to process, he knew, and he did not think that she would wrap her head around all of it in one night. His hope was that she would at least feel a little better about the whole situation before she left. 

“It’s just all so confusing,” she finally huffed, throwing her hands up in frustration. “You bring her to my wedding as your friend, then you’re dating her, but it turns out you were lying about that, but not really, and then you’re dating her for real. And now you’re telling me that, before you were _not_ dating Sharon, you were having sex with her. Excuse me if I’m having trouble keeping up with the two of you.” 

Andy could not help but laugh. The way she put it, their relationship did sound a little ridiculous, but it was what it was, and given the outcome, he would not change a single thing about it. 

“You’re right. It sounds pretty bad,” he admitted. Then he reached out to take his daughter’s hand, his expression turning serious once again when he stared at her elegant fingers. 

“Thing is, it all kinda makes sense from where I’m standing. I’ve been in love with that woman for half my life, and I can’t imagine it without her.” 

His voice was thick with emotion, and he felt a familiar warmth in his chest as he thought about his fiancée and the place she held in his life and in his heart. 

There were tears in Nicole’s eyes as she gazed up at her father’s face. She saw the truth of his words written all over his features, and she wanted to say something, but forgot all about it when the heard a quiet gasp from the partially opened doorway. 

Father and daughter turned simultaneously and saw the subject of their conversation standing just inside the living room, the back of her hand covering her mouth and teary eyes wide as she stared at them. Ricky and Emily stood on either side of her, smiling happily. 

After giving her dad a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, she silently slipped through the door to join the rest of the young people inside. Rusty hung back a little, but they all watched as Sharon joined Andy on the patio, closing the door behind her. 

When her mother placed a gentle hand on Andy’s chest and he cradled her cheek in the palm of his hand, Emily hugged Ricky’s arm and laid her cheek against his shoulder with a loud sigh. 

Nicole turned away from the couple outside when they started sharing a long, sensual kiss, and she saw her soon-to-be siblings do the same. There were some things they did not need to see. 

As they retreated to the dining area, Nicole cast one last glance over her shoulder and smiled. She was still far from understanding the complexity of her father’s past with Sharon, but it was all too easy to see that, however it had started, they had ended up exactly where they were meant to be. 

She would have to figure out how she felt about everything she had been told. She was still angry that they had not been completely honest with her. Just because she thought they were adorable together did not mean that having been lied to did not still hurt. At some point in the near future, she would sit down with them again for another talk, and, worst of all, she would have to find a way to tell her brother without him freaking out completely. That was not a conversation she was looking forward to, but since the idiot refused to talk to their dad unless there was absolutely no way around it, she would have to bite that particular bullet. 

All that could wait, though. For the moment, she was content to get swept away by the romantic mood around her, and she wondered if, twenty years from now, Dean would look at her the way her father looked at Sharon. She could only hope to be that lucky.

 

**~TBC~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a little note before you start this chapter. In my mind, Sharon was not always as conservative in her sex life as Duff would like us to believe. I get that, as far as he is concerned, she lived the life of a nun when Jack left, but we all know he has Sharon on a mommy pedestal. Well, I don't, and this story explores a slightly naughtier side of her. I understand if that's not your cup of tea, but I hope you'll take that leap with me and enjoy the ride. ;-)

They thought they had been lucky. It had been two weeks since the unfortunate article was published, and nothing else had come of it. Apart from acting Assistant Chief Howard, no one had mentioned it to them, and with the exception of Charlie, who was not their biggest fan anyway, their children had accepted their shared pasts without further protest. A few days after their initial talk, they had sat down with Nicole again to answer some of the young woman’s remaining questions. By the time she left that night, Nicole had felt much better about the entire situation. Sharon and Andy had relaxed. They had stopped looking over their shoulders, wondering if someone would pounce on them with questions about the article and the pictures it contained. 

After that night, when Andy had given voice for the first time to the depth of his feelings for Sharon, even all those years earlier, they had talked about it, and the honest discussion of things they had buried for so long had strengthened their relationship even further. They were in a great place, and they were ready to move on. 

The second blow came when they no longer expected it, and it was Rusty who brought it to their attention. Apparently, he had set up a news alert that notified him whenever one or both of their names was mentioned online to keep an eye out for any other strange articles. Among all the mentions of his mother in relation to Major Crimes, another post to that obscure website had popped up, and the pictures it contained made him shudder. He had emailed the link to Andy, tasking him with breaking the news to Sharon. That was a conversation Rusty did not want to be present for. 

When he got Rusty’s email, Andy cursed quietly before he rose from behind his desk, picked up his phone and, shaking his head at Provenza’s questioning look, went to knock on the door to Sharon’s office. They were lucky that it was a quiet afternoon, because he knew that what he was about to show his fiancée would definitely distract her from work. 

She looked up from her paperwork and gave him a soft smile when he entered, but as she took in his frown, she wrinkled her brow in concern, gesturing for him to take a seat. He clutched his iPhone between sweaty hands, taking a few deep breaths to calm the angry pounding of his heart. 

“Rusty just sent me an email with a link I think you should look at,” he finally informed her, barely keeping his agitation out of his voice. 

Of course, Sharon picked up on it, despite his efforts. She sat up in her chair and, placing both hands flat on the table in front of her, she nodded reluctantly. After he opened the link from Rusty’s message, he handed the phone over to her, her cold fingers carefully curling around the device. When she turned it towards her, she stared at the screen for a few seconds before she slowly scrolled down. He knew the exact moment when she saw the first picture. Her eyes widened, and she gasped, one hand flying to her mouth. 

It was the same website, Sharon realized when she first looked at the article. The design was obnoxious and a little obscene, as was the writing style of their articles. The headline, just as with the previous article, was designed to draw attention. It boldly declared the Los Angeles Police Department on the verge of moral bankruptcy due to an outrageous sex scandal, and if it did not hurt so much, Sharon would have laughed at the preposterous claim. 

It was the pictures that followed the ridiculous headline that had her breath catch in her throat. While the first round of photographs had only been mildly embarrassing, the ones she was currently staring at left no doubt about what was happening. 

She remembered that night. It was 24 years ago. Her husband had been gone again, and her children had been with a friend so that she could attend the retirement party for one of her former supervisors. Charlie Ross had rented the back room of a bar that was very popular among cops, and it had been crowded with many of the officers who had worked with him over his long career.

 

_“I wasn’t aware that you knew Charlie,” Sharon said as she squeezed into a small gap between Andy Flynn and another officer. She cradled her red wine in one hand and smiled up at the man who was trying to get his own drink refreshed. Andy turned to look at her, smiling when he realized who had bumped into his side._

_“Yeah, I rode with him for a while when I got out of the Academy. That was before he finally made it out of Patrol. The way he tells it, being stuck babysitting me gave him the final push to get that promotion.”  
_

_Sharon laughed at Andy’s hurt puppy expression, having no trouble at all to imagine the old Sergeant telling that exact story just to aggravate his young colleague. Andy had a hard time keeping his face straight, grinning at her, his eyes sparkling mischievously.  
_

_The bartender finally handed him a glass of bourbon, and he turned towards her fully, holding his glass out to touch it to hers.  
_

_“To old Charlie. May he not drive his wife to kill him.”  
_

_With a barely suppressed snort, Sharon took a sip of her drink and watched him do the same. It was nice to have someone to talk to, she pondered as she studied the handsome man in front of her. She was the only IA officer in the room, and with the exception of their host, everyone made sure not to have to interact with her.  
_

_Andy had no such qualms. They enjoyed each other’s company and never struggled to find things to discuss. He asked her about her kids and listened with a wistful smile when she told him about Emily’s dancing and Ricky’s newly found passion for computers. She gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze when he had nothing new to say about his children, because they did not want to see him. They would invariably end up talking about sports, because it was a safe topic.  
_

_A few times over the past year, the conversations that had started at a café or a bar had ended in a hotel room or at his apartment. Ever since that first time in the backseat of her car, when she had sworn that it would never happen again, they had been drawn to each other. There was something in the way that he touched her, in the way his eyes lingered on her, that made it easy for her to forget, to let go of everything she had on her mind at the time. For an hour or two, maybe once every other month, they got lost in one another. That was all it was. It was not about love. They were not even really friends. They were simply two people who were incredibly compatible in that one way, who were able to laugh and find relief and companionship with one another. Sometimes, there were reasons for one of them seeking the other out. It might be a tough case, or her husband leaving once again, or his kids forgetting about his birthday. Sometimes, they ran into one another by accident and let the mood of the moment carry them wherever it might._

_As she studied Andy over the rim of her wine glass, Sharon saw that something was bothering him. He put on a good show, smiling and laughing, but there was a sadness in his eyes that he could not quite hide from her. The rate at which he ordered fresh drinks was a little alarming, convincing her even more that he was struggling with something.  
_

_When she finished her wine and Andy was almost through his third bourbon, she placed her empty glass on the bar and told him to follow her outside. It went without saying that he would wait a few minutes to make sure no one would see them leave together and draw the wrong – or rather the right – conclusions._

_He found her around the corner at the side of the bar. There was a narrow passageway between two buildings where several crates and boxes were located next to the dumpsters. It was dark, dirty, and a little smelly, but it was quiet and private. She leaned against the brick wall, her black coat tugged around her, and her arms crossed in front of her. When he stepped into the alley, she tensed for a second, only to relax and smile when she saw that it was the person she was waiting for.  
_

_Closing the distance between them, Andy stopped right in front of her, allowing his gaze to wander along her enticing figure. The dim light from the main street and a single lamp over the bar’s side door was just enough to see how beautiful she was. The elegant black dress she wore was hidden underneath her coat, but he had a great view of her stunning legs, the black heels only making them appear longer.  
_

_Sharon reached out to him, sliding her fingers down his arms and taking hold of his hands. She stared down at them, broad and rough-skinned in her small ones. With a gentle tug, she finally looked up at him, her head tilted slightly to the side as she studied him.  
_

_“What’s on your mind?” Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, her thumbs caressing the back of his hands.  
_

_He closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a long breath. It should not surprise him anymore that she was able to read him so easily. He thought that he had disguised his troubled thoughts well enough, but there was no fooling her._

_“Just a really bad case.” He shrugged, hoping she would drop it. The images that he was unable to forget were too gruesome to share, and all he wanted to do was wash them away with a bottle of cheap booze. If only she would let him.  
_

_She tugged him even closer, slipping her arms around him when he closed the remaining distance. It felt good to have her in his arms, to feel her hands caress his back in long, soothing strokes. Her scent was warm and welcoming, a mixture of flowery bath products, an expensive perfume, and her own unique essence. He buried his nose in the thick curls that covered the sensitive skin of her neck, and he felt her shiver when his breath feathered over that secret spot right below her ear.  
_

_“Tell me about it,” she finally prompted, her lips moving against his ear as she held on to him._

_Of course she did not let it go. Sharon was like a dog with a bone when she had her mind set on something. He knew what she was doing. She wanted him to find a way to cope with his problems that did not involve a bottle, and sometimes she was successful, if only for a day.  
_

_“Her name was Abby,” he started, his breath hitching when he remembered the little girl. “She was twelve years old, and her father beat her to death because she walked in on him and his girlfriend.”  
_

_Andy did not mention that the father had been drunk at the time. He did not talk about the mother, who had cried in his arms when he had told her that her little girl was dead. He kept to himself how the woman had blamed herself for leaving her child in the care of a man who she knew had a drinking problem. Andy did not share with her how that mother’s words made him wonder if his ex-wife had good reason not to let him see his own kids. Was he capable of hurting his children? Did their murderer think he was before he punched his little girl in the face and kicked her down a flight of stairs?  
_

_“She looked just like Nicole with her dark hair and those pink hair clips,” he rasped, his voice thick with tears.  
_

_Sharon ached for him. Like everyone else, she had started in Patrol, and she had seen more dead children in those years than she ever thought she could deal with. It was never easy to deal with senseless death, but children made it particularly hard. Only, she had been able to go home at night and hold her own children close. That did not take away the horrible memories, but it helped a little. She knew that Sandra was making it difficult for him to see his kids, and that, as a result, Nicole and Charlie did not want to talk to their father. He was cut off from them completely.  
_

_She did not ask him if he tried to call his children. She knew that he did. She also knew that they turned him away once again. Instead, Sharon held him even closer, tightening her arms around him and pressing her lips against his cheek, along his jaw, down his neck. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better. All she had to offer was the closeness of another human being, someone to connect to._

_She was an escape, just like the booze. Her scent and the feeling of her skin against his was intoxicating, and her gentle touch made him forget for a little while. She allowed him to get lost in her, in them, and it was even more tempting than getting lost in a bottle. Her kindness was as addicting as the taste of her kisses and the sensation of her welcoming body surrounding him. Maybe he should be concerned that she was becoming his lifeline. Instead, he let himself fall, trusting her to catch him, to be there when he needed her most._

_His kiss tasted of desperation, of loneliness, of tears he refused to shed. His hands were all over her, pulling her against him as if he could meld their bodies, turn them into one. She wished that it were possible, not just for his sake. Their togetherness was a dark place, hidden from reality, out of time. It did not exist on her regular plane of existence. Not even her priest knew of it.  
_

_Sometimes she wondered if it was a preview of what would await her after death. A state of constant limbo, somewhere between complete elation and agony. It was an illusion, she knew. Being with him took the pain of loneliness away for a few precious moments, only to leave her feeling even more disconnected afterwards. It gave her a chance to help someone stay away from the bottle when she was unable to do the same for her husband, but it never lasted. And yet, she always came back to the darkness that was theirs and theirs alone._

 

At the time, it had not occurred to them that they might have been watched, that someone might catch them in that dark, narrow alley where she had allowed him to pour all his pain and heartache into her. That was exactly what the images on the screen in front of her depicted. There was no doubt that the two people in the pictures were having sex. Out in the open, pressed against a brick wall right next to a large dumpster.

Looking at the photographs, she could practically feel the cold wall at her back, the rough surface painful even through her clothes and a sharp contrast to Andy’s warm body. She had her legs wrapped around him, her skirt pushed up to her hips. Her coat disguised the fact that he had merely pushed her underwear aside to gain access to her sex. Nothing was visible, and yet, everything was obvious. 

Her son had seen that. The thought made her feel nauseous. She dropped the phone onto her desk and covered her face with both hands. She was unable to breathe and her head was spinning. She had the almost irrepressible need to run, to put as much distance between herself and those offending images as possible, but she knew that there was no escape. This nightmare would follow her wherever she went. 

His hand was warm where it burrowed under the thick hair at the nape of her neck. She felt his comforting presence, knowing without looking that he was crouched beside her chair. 

When she finally looked at him, the helpless pain he saw in her eyes made him want to hug her to him, but he knew that she would not appreciate such a blatant display of affection at work. Although, considering what had her so troubled, the team seeing them hug should probably be the least of their concerns. Andy wished that he could fix this for her, that he could make it go away. It was embarrassing enough for him, and considering the reaction of his children to the first batch of photos, he was feeling sick at the thought of them seeing these more recent ones. He was a man, though, and as progressive as they might believe their time to be, the fallout from things like these were always worse for the woman involved. Add to that the fact that Sharon had technically been married at the time with two small children at home, and that she was currently not only running a high profile division of the LAPD but also in the race for an even more prestigious promotion, the publication of these photographs could have devastating consequences for her. 

Before he was able to find words to comfort her, someone briefly knocked on the door and entered without waiting for a response. Sharon quickly sat up, pushing her hands through her hair and straightening her jacket, even though neither was out of place. Rising from his crouching position, Andy ignored the pain in his knees, his attention divided between the pale face of his fiancée and Chief Howard, who had just stormed into the room, several sheets of paper in his hand. 

Howard closed the door behind him and approached the desk, studying the two people behind it. From their expressions, he figured that they might already know the reason for his unannounced visit. He hated this. It was one of many reasons why he did not want to have the job of Assistant Chief on a permanent basis. His official role demanded that he take action, that he stick his nose where it was not wanted. He liked both Raydor and Flynn. They were good cops, and over the years, he had come to think of them as friends. And yet, he was tasked with making their very personal problem about politics. 

“Captain, Lieutenant,” he greeted them as he took the offered chair in front of Sharon’s desk. Andy joined him a moment later, turned towards him slightly, an angry scowl firmly in place. 

“I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I guess you know why I’m here.” 

Sharon nodded, her face going a shade paler, although that hardly seemed possible. “I have an idea, yes.” 

“We can no longer ignore this. I don’t need to tell you that Chief Pope is not happy about this. He made it very clear that he expects it to be contained. Unfortunately, some other outlets picked this story up and will be publishing it in the following days.” 

“Damn it!” 

It was the Lieutenant who aired his frustration. The Captain merely closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. 

“I realize that this is not something your team would usually deal with, but I don’t want to spread it around the department anymore that absolutely necessary. Finding the person or persons who are leaking these photos is your top priority now. I want your whole team on this. Any other cases that can be handled by Robbery Homicide will be diverted to them. We need to put a stop to this or I’m not sure I’ll be able to protect you.” 

The implications of his words were clear. Sharon realized the moment she laid eyes on the most recent article that her chances for getting the promotion had ceased to exist. Chief Pope would not risk putting her in such a high-profile position when her conduct could be questioned in any way. That did not bother her. What did concern her was the prospect of losing more than a chance for a promotion. 

She also worried about Andy. His position was tenuous enough after two major health scares. If the wrong person got Taylor’s job, he might be facing retirement, even without the additional complications of this smear campaign. He loved his job just as much as she loved hers, and she knew that he was not ready to retire, yet. She worried what that would do to him and to their relationship. 

As she looked at him, she saw that he was not ready to throw in the towel just yet. The wheels were already turning inside his head, and there was a look of determination on his face that she knew only too well.

When their eyes met across the desk, no words were necessary. They would fight this. They would dedicate the collective experience of their entire team to finding the person responsible, and they would make them rue the day they decided to mess with their lives. It would not be easy, but Sharon already felt a little better knowing that they were not giving up.

 

**~TBC~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are now starting to move a little more into the investigative side of the story, and I’ve tried my best to figure out the details, but this is not my field of expertise. While I did some research, I am not a lawyer, so I won’t presume to be familiar with the finer points of the legal situation here. I would ask you to try and overlook minor inconsistencies or technical problems.

 

Every aspect of this case was frustrating, beginning with having to disclose deeply personal information to their colleagues. No one wanted to know about the sexual escapades of their Captain and coworker, and they most certainly did not want to discuss any of it. To their credit, not one of them had complained or made any sort of inappropriate comment. The team was enraged on the couple’s behalf and did not hesitate to pour all their energy into solving the case. 

If only there weren’t so many dead ends. They had not expected the person who wrote the initial article to disclose his source, and of course he had refused. They had tried poking around a little in his business, looking into other reports on the website in question in the hopes of finding anything illegal they could nail him on. As it was, the man had published photographs that had been taken in public areas. While the content of the last batch of images made the situation a little murky, there were no intimate body parts visible, and one could still argue that, in light of Captain Raydor’s possible promotion, it was a matter of public interest if her character could be questioned. 

In other words, they had nothing. The website repeatedly skirted along the very edges of legality with the content they published, but they never quite crossed the line. They did not even have enough to get a warrant for their financials. Everyone was on edge, one fearful eye on Mike Tao and his news alert, another concerned one on their Captain. 

Sharon rarely left her office anymore, holing up inside under the pretense of doing paperwork or working through her old cases in order to identify a likely suspect. At home, she was quiet and withdrawn, rarely eating and barely sleeping. She thought that Andy hadn’t noticed how she spent her nights staring at the ceiling or sneaking out to sit on the balcony. 

The truth was, he was not sleeping so well himself and usually was awake when she slipped out of the bedroom. Sometimes he joined her outside, sitting in one of the deck chairs and pulling her into his lap. They seldom talked about it. Mostly, he just held her, drawing strength from her presence and hoping that he gave her some in return. 

Sometimes they used the quiet hours of the night to mull over possible suspects and their motivations, but it was hard to come up with something that held up to closer scrutiny. Why would someone they convicted in the past wait over twenty years to get their revenge? They decided that the most probable reason for what was happening to them was that someone wanted to hurt Sharon’s chances of getting Taylor’s job. Whether it was to influence the race in favor of one of the other candidates or to hurt her by disqualifying her, they did not know. 

No one wanted to believe that one of the other candidates had anything to do with such a smear campaign. Winnie Davies was the only one who even really wanted the job, and she seemed confident that she would get it. The woman had never had a problem with low self-esteem. They had experienced that not so long ago when Davis had tried to assert her authority over Major Crimes whenever she had objected to the way they did something. While Sharon’s polite but resolute ways were usually enough to convince even superior officers that it was better to defer to her judgment as far as working her cases was concerned, it had very little effect on the Deputy Chief.

Davis was the only other candidate who even knew her all those years ago. Although, _knowing_ would be an overstatement. They were aware of the other’s existence within the department, but they had never had much to do with one another. Sharon had not even personally investigated any of her officers’ OIS cases. 

She did not see how Davis could have gotten her hands on those photographs, and she had a hard time imagining her stooping so low to get the promotion. No matter how much the other woman annoyed her, Sharon refused to believe that she would deliberately destroy the reputation of a fellow officer in such a manner. Both women had worked hard to reach their current positions. They had fought against misogyny and prejudice and made a name for themselves based on their skills and dedication to the department. To use a personal attack like that to get ahead would undermine everything the other woman had accomplished so far, and Sharon was unable to accept that possibility. 

While Andy saw her point, he also saw the naked ambition with which Davis went after that promotion. He understood the concept of female solidarity, especially in such a male-dominated field, and he hated to think that someone inside the LAPD would be capable of something so disgusting. However, his years of experience dealing with the scumbags of Los Angeles had shown him that some things were stronger than solidarity and honor. Sharon might not consider Deputy Chief Davis a suspect, but he was not prepared to discount her quite yet, even if he was still trying to figure out how she could have pulled it off. 

They needed a break, something they could follow up on, but when it finally came several days after the last publication, everyone hoped it had not. Mike was the first to see it. The alert he had set up to notify him of any other possible leaks had pinged just as they were about to leave for the day. The headline announcing a video had him swallow hard, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He clicked the link after making sure that the volume on his computer was turned all the way down. 

It was the same website as before. Right underneath the headline he ignored, the promised video started playing unprompted. It only took him a second to realize the nature of the captured scene, confirming the suspicion he’d had a moment earlier. With lightning speed, he made the window disappear and backed his chair away from his desk, eyes wide and heart pounding in his chest. Just when he thought that it could not get worse… Then it occurred to him that he would have to alert the others to what he had found, and he began to feel nauseous all of a sudden. 

He was still gaping at his screen when Julio asked him what was wrong before he got up to join him, Amy, Provenza, and Buzz following his lead. They were huddled around Mike’s desk, debating how to proceed since someone would have to tell the Captain and Andy, and someone would have to watch the tape in order to see if there was anything they could use to get on in their investigation. There were no volunteers for either. 

After a few minutes of fruitless conversation, it was Provenza who finally reopened the minimized window, annoyed by their lack of progress. “It can’t be that bad. It’s the Captain we’re talking about, after all,” he grumbled, ignoring Mike’s strangled whimper next to him. 

It was worse. Since Tao had initially clicked the window away, the video had progressed quite a bit in the background. What awaited them when they resumed watching was shocking to say the least. 

When Sharon entered the Murder Room with her fresh, steaming cup of tea, she saw part of her team huddled around Mike’s computer and decided to join them, thinking that they might have found a lead. She was still uneasy being around them, embarrassed about what they had seen, but if she wanted to keep doing her job well, she would have to get over herself. 

Much later, she would realize why they all had seemed frozen when she approached. At that moment, however, there was merely shock. It took her a second to understand what she was seeing, but then it hit her with such force that she could no longer breathe. The cup slipped out of her numb hands and crashed to the ground, splintering into tiny pieces, the hot beverage splashing all over the place. Bile rose in her throat, and dark spots danced in front of her eyes. She swayed on her feet as the room started spinning. Blindly reaching out, a sweaty hand landed on the back of Mike's chair, holding onto it as if it were a lifeline. 

The sound of shattering porcelain had startled Mike out of his frozen state, and he had closed the video immediately, to everyone's relief, but Sharon still saw the two bodies moving together, their bare limbs wrapped around one another in the most intimate embrace. It was a nightmare, one from which she would never wake up. 

The Captain had gone deathly pale, and Amy was not sure if she was even breathing. That was not how they had wanted to tell her - not that they had gotten as far as planning that step. While Amy was a little surprised to find out that her commanding officer had a rather adventurous side when it came to sex, she did not think much of it. She definitely could have done without seeing it, and she would never say it to anyone, but she secretly congratulated the other woman on knowing how to have a good time. What made her angry was the fact that someone had taken an intimate moment like that and made it public. No one should care about what others did in the privacy of their bedrooms. To use such a precious thing and turn it into something dirty by splashing it all over the Internet was absolutely disgusting. Whoever did this, they had better pray that none of their team get their hands on them. 

When the Captain started swaying, looking as if she would faint any second, Amy reached out, placing a gentle hand on her back in an attempt to guide her away from the others. The reaction was instant. The older woman almost jumped back, shrugging off the unexpected touch, her eyes wide, shining with tears. She spun away from them, her _excuse me_ a barely audible, breathless whisper, as she dashed into her office, closing the door behind her and drawing the blinds. 

No one dared to speak. What was there to say, anyway? The woman they all admired and considered a friend had been publicly humiliated, and it was killing her. Amy felt rage bubble up inside her, and she was able to see it in the tension of Julio's shoulders, the twitching of his jaw muscles, and the way his hands were curled into fists at his side. Buzz closed his eyes and lowered his head, but not before she had seen his suspiciously red eyes. He was not crying, and Amy knew that he wouldn't, but the situation was getting to him. The two lieutenants were slightly better at hiding their emotions, but they were still visibly affected. 

That was the scene Andy walked in on, two cups of coffee in hand. He'd had to wait for a fresh pot to brew as neither he nor his partner would want to drink the lukewarm dregs that had been left over from the last one. He had sent Sharon ahead with her tea to keep the others from teasing them about the reasons they were gone so long. Although they did not do that much anymore. 

Andy was too focused on not spilling any of the precious coffee to notice what was going on until he set both cups on Provenza's desk. He frowned at his colleagues where they still stared at Sharon's closed office door. That and the fact that the blinds were drawn gave him a pretty good idea that something happened while he had been gone. 

"What's going on?" 

The others exchanged glances for a moment, silently trying to decide who would tell him. Only Buzz refused to look at him, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. That was when Andy noticed the broken cup and the spilled tea, and he felt his stomach drop. 

Provenza wanted to speak, but he could not figure out how to say it. Something about seeing his best friend and his captain doing unspeakable things together had rendered him speechless. The old man threw a helpless look at Tao, relieved when the other man cleared his throat and, placing a hand on Flynn's shoulder, started to tell him what had happened. 

"There was another leak," Mike began, his voice calm and quiet, his eyes on the other man to gauge his reaction. "It's a video this time. It's..." Taking a deep breath, he took a second to find the right words before he continued. "It's very explicit." 

Andy swallowed hard when the meaning of what Mike had told him sank in. "Son of a..." he turned away from the others, the fingers of both hands raking through his hair, his nails digging into his scalp as he stared at the window to Sharon's office. 

"Did she see it?" 

The question was unnecessary, the fact that she was not in the murder room indication enough, but he had to know exactly what they were dealing with. 

"Yes," was Tao's simple reply. 

Rubbing a hand over his face, Andy glanced up at the ceiling and took several deep breaths, trying to figure out what to do next. He knew that someone would have to watch whatever it was that had been published, and he knew that it would ultimately be his job. From the reactions of his team mates, it had to be really bad, and he did not want them to see any more of it than they already had. He was pretty sure that they all agreed on that. And if he could spare Sharon the embarrassment of going through the video, he would happily do it. 

"Okay," he began, facing his colleagues once again. "I'm going to take Sharon home. Mike, can you put the damn thing on a flash drive for me? I'll go through it later. That's not something I want to do here." 

Mike nodded and went back to his desk right away, starting to do what Flynn had asked. 

"Provenza, can you see if there's some way to make them take the video down? Maybe we can contain this before it goes any farther." 

Andy knew that it was unlikely, but they had to try. His partner pursed his lips, thinking about their options for a moment. 

"Yes, we'll get on that. Maybe we can get Gavin to help us. I'm sure the Captain would be more comfortable with him handling this than someone from the City Attorney's office. Besides, he's the best damn lawyer I know." 

Gavin was one of Sharon's best friends, and they all knew that he would do everything he possibly could for her. It certainly beat having to deal with the likes of Gloria Lim. 

"Yeah, give him a call. Can't hurt to ask," Andy agreed. 

When Mike handed him a small flash drive, he took a deep, steadying breath and closed his eyes for a second. "I'm gonna go and..." He gestured towards Sharon's office, and at his friend's nod, he walked away, picking up his keys and jacket from his desk before he entered her sanctuary without knocking. 

Sharon stood at her window, her back turned towards him, her hands braced on the window sill. She did not look outside. Her head was lowered and her shoulders hunched. He paused a moment to think about how to approach her, trying to read her state of mind off her posture. Her shoulders rose and fell as she drew deep breaths, too deep to be calming. She was gulping down air, but it did not seem to bring any relief. 

Stepping around the desk, he joined her at the window, quietly standing beside her, their shoulders almost touching. For a little while, he was not sure if she had even noticed his presence. She did not acknowledge him at all. Then she turned her head towards him and simply stared at him. Andy had never seen her look that helpless and vulnerable. Those were not words he would ever associate with her. 

To witness her struggle made him feel lost. He wanted to help her, to keep her from falling apart, but he was afraid to make it even worse. He gently placed his hand on her upper arm, guiding her away from the window. She trembled at his touch, her eyes closing for a second as she drew another deep breath. 

“Let’s get you out of here,” he said, grabbing her purse and jacket before he led her out of the back door and along the back hallway, circumventing the murder room. 

She was tense, shivering occasionally against the hand that rested at the small of her back. She was barely holding it together, her eyes fixed on the floor right in front of her. Andy prayed that they would not run into anyone that would want to talk to them. He knew that she would keep her composure; she had managed to do so through much worse, but he hoped that her strength would not be tested any more at that moment. 

He breathed a little easier once they had reached his car, knowing that the vehicle at least offered a little privacy. As he handed Sharon her purse after she settled in the passenger seat, she hugged it to her chest, holding onto it as if it helped her contain her emotions. 

She did not speak the entire way home, staring out of the window, not once loosening her grip on her handbag. Whenever he stopped at a red light, Andy threw a cautious glance at her, growing more and more concerned by her silence and tension.  

He was expecting it, but it still stung a little when he guided her into the condo and she immediately shrugged off the hands he had placed on her shoulders from behind. Without a word, she rushed around the corner and disappeared into their bedroom. He put away their jackets, took off his gun, badge and handcuffs, and retrieved Sharon's purse from where she had dropped it in the foyer. He took his time taking off his shoes and placing them into the hallway closet, giving Sharon a minute to herself before he slowly followed her.  

She was no longer in the bedroom, but Andy was able to follow a trail of discarded clothes, haphazardly dropped to the ground all the way into the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he was able to hear the shower. He hesitated for a moment, debating what to do, before he sighed and undressed as well, his own clothes placed neatly over the back of a chair.  

It was not the first time that he had witnessed this, although it happened rarely. Sharon did not allow herself to cry in front of other people if she was at all able to avoid it. Her tears belonged in the shower. That was her safe space, the only space she was able to let her guard down. She had once told him that it was something that had started when her children were little and her problems with Jack had begun to grow worse. She had not wanted the kids to see or hear her cry, to witness how much their father was breaking her heart. The shower disguised her tears and drowned out the sound of her sobs.  

Since he moved in, it had only happened a few times as far as he knew. The first time was after Taylor's death and her struggle with shooting Dwight Darnell. More recently, she had excused herself during his latest health scare. She'd had a couple of bad weeks over that, even after he had been released from the hospital.  

His usual strategy in those cases was to let her find her emotional release in peace and wait for her to come to him. He would have a cup of tea and her favorite blanket waiting in the living room. When she finally joined him on the sofa, he would wrap his arms around her, cover her with the blanket, and hold her until she was ready to talk.  

This time, however, he was unable to leave her to herself. He had never seen her so fragile, so close to shattering, and it worried him sick.  

She stood in the shower, bent over slightly as she scrubbed at her legs with a brush, the water beating down on her. Andy stepped into the shower with her, quietly saying her name, careful not to startle her. He closed the door behind him, something Sharon had obviously been too distracted to do. He would deal with the slightly flooded floor later. 

When he reached out to touch her arm, Sharon jumped back, her back pressed against the wall, pushing at him to keep him away from her.

 

 

She was unable to breathe. A heavy weight was pressing down on her chest, almost crushing her. Her heart beat too fast, the rapid rushing of blood in her ears almost deafening. She was dizzy, her head spinning with thoughts and images, with fragmented memories of a time long past. Her eyes burned with tears she could not allow to escape, yet. 

Her feet carried her into the condo and down the hallway to the bedroom, while her hands clawed at the layers of clothes that covered her, tearing them off as she went. Her throat closed up, and she thought she would suffocate. Blindly reaching out, she braced herself on the walls, the doorframe, stumbling into the bench at the end of the bed. There was only one clear thought on her mind, one goal she was able to hold onto in the sea of chaos. She needed a shower. 

When the scalding water beat down on her, she barely registered the pain, but finally, the tears came. There were no sobs, no wailing, only silent tears washed away by the hot water. She reached for the brush that sat on the shelf inside the shower and vigorously scrubbed her already reddened skin. The pain was a welcome distraction, something she was able to control. She scrubbed and cried, her arms, her chest, her stomach, every square inch of skin she was able to reach. There was no rational thought behind her need for this painful ritual. It simply needed to happen. All the shame and the guilt that clung to her had to be washed away. 

She did not hear him step into the shower. It was his light touch on her arm that startled her, and she jumped away from him, dropping the brush as she pushed at his chest to keep him at a distance. The claustrophobia that had hung over her like a dark shadow ever since she had looked at Mike’s computer screen suddenly descended on her, knocking the last breath out of her. 

Her back pressed against the cold tiles of the shower, Sharon held out her hands in front of her in an attempt to keep Andy from touching her. He was too close, taking away the air she so desperately needed. She wished that she could vanish, hide away from the reality of their situation, from the embarrassment, the indignity of having something as precious as their relationship dragged into the harsh light of public scrutiny. 

In all the years of being the butt of many a joke within the department, of people mocking her for her love of the rules, her single-minded approach to upholding proper procedures, she had never felt this exposed, this vulnerable. She had never thought it possible for anything to break her so thoroughly. Her husband had surely tried, but he had not managed to penetrate her walls quite like this. The fight for Rusty’s safety and the fear she had felt when she had almost lost him was the closest she had come to falling apart in this manner, but she had prevailed. There had been things for her to do, her son to be taken care of. 

Now, she had nothing to focus on. There was the investigation into who had distributed the incriminating material, but shame and fear of how people would view her in light of the most recent revelations were overwhelming, paralyzing her in a way she had never thought possible. She did not see how she would be able to ever walk into LAPD headquarters again, let alone be a productive part of an investigation. The mere thought of facing her team after what they had seen made her stomach turn. She simply saw no way out of the downward spiral her life had taken in the last couple of weeks. 

Andy was shocked to see her that way. She was incoherent with panic, her body language telling him to back off, but her wide eyes begging for something else. For what, he did not know, and he was unsure if she herself did. All he knew was that she was breaking apart right in front of him, and it was his fault. He had done this to her, and he had to find a way to make it better, to help her put the pieces back together if that was at all possible. 

Approaching her slowly, he carefully reached out for her, his hands wrapping around her outstretched ones, clutching them in his warm grasp. He held on to her like that for a few seconds until her fingers curled around his. Then he tugged her closer, relieved when she stepped into his embrace after only a moment’s hesitation. Her arms went around him, nails digging into his back. He paid no attention to the pain, his sole focus on her shivering body that was pressed against his, and the single, soft whimper that was the only sound she made when she buried her face into his neck. 

She clung to him, desperate to anchor herself to something solid while her world spun out of control, and he held onto her just as fiercely. For a long while, they stood under the steady flow of water. With every breath she took, his comforting scent filled her nostrils and her lungs expanded more and more willingly. It still felt as if a heavy weight was pressing down on her chest, and the oppressive sense of the walls closing in on her was still very much there, but for a short moment, she found a reprieve in Andy’s arms. 

It took a while for her to register the words he mumbled into her hair over and over again, and she reluctantly leaned back a little so that she was able to look at him. His _I’m so sorry_ still echoed inside her head when she met his gaze. If his words had confused her, his expression felt like a slap in the face, waking her up to the fact that she had been so focused on what the situation meant for her that she had forgotten to think about how it would affect him.

She brought her hands up to cup his face, keeping him from avoiding her gaze. Blindly reaching out to the side, she turned off the water before she replaced her hand once again, searching his eyes for what he had not yet given voice to. Whatever she had felt before, the feeling of having her entire life torn apart around her was suddenly secondary to the guilt she saw in Andy’s gaze. 

“Andy,” she whispered breathlessly, “what on earth are you apologizing for?” 

Knowing him as well as she did, Sharon had a pretty good idea, but she needed him to say it. She had to be sure. 

His eyes widened slightly as if he did not understand why she had to ask. He opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again right away, looking around them with a frown. 

“Not here,” was all he said, before he stepped out of the shower and tugged her with him. He retrieved a towel from the shelf, handing it to her before he got another one for himself, and they dried off in silence, their movements quick and efficient. 

Once Sharon had wrapped her hair into a turban, she stepped around Andy to reach for her robe, making room for him to take his own off the hook behind the bedroom door. 

They sat down on the edge of the bed, Andy staring at the floor between his feet and Sharon angled slightly towards him so she could study his expression. She let her hand gently trail along his arm until she could clasp his hand, squeezing it slightly to nudge him into talking. 

Andy sighed. It was hard to make sense of all the things that were going through his head, and even harder to put them into words. How did you tell someone that the best thing that ever happened to you was a mistake? 

“This is all my fault,” he finally blurted out, casting a quick glance at her before focusing on the slightly frayed carpet in front of him again. He felt her sit up next to him, straightening her shoulders in preparation for battle. It almost made him smile. 

Her tone was calm, her words carefully measured, and the side of his face burned under the intensity of her stare. 

“And how exactly is _all of this_ your fault?” 

If he had not been so fixated on his own feelings at that moment, Andy would have congratulated himself for drawing Sharon out of the darkness she had been stuck in, but he was too far gone into the abyss of his own mind to notice.

“How is it not? After that first time, you told me that it couldn’t happen again, but I didn’t listen. I wouldn’t leave you alone. I let myself become as addicted to you as I was to the alcohol, and I let you get caught up in that mess. I was never any good for you. Sandra keeps saying that I’m great at ruining people’s lives, and she’s right. I selfishly held onto you when I should have let you go, and for a little while I thought that I’d gotten away with it, but I haven’t, and now you’re hurting because I was too weak to do what’s right.”

Andy stood up and walked over to the window, bracing one of his hands against the wall beside it, the other one rubbing the back of his neck. Sharon stared after him, momentarily speechless. She was no stranger to his capacity for guilt. It was a result of his recovery, of learning to own up to his mistakes. While that was something she appreciated, especially considering that the father of her children had never quite conquered that part of the program, she was also aware that Andy occasionally placed entirely too much blame on his own shoulders. A lot of the things that had gone wrong in his past, in his previous marriage and his relationship with Nicole and Charlie, were a result of his choices, but that did not mean that others were completely innocent. It always took two people to ruin a relationship, just as it took two people to start one. 

“I should walk away right now, give you a chance to salvage your reputation, but I don’t know how to do that now any more than I did twenty-four years ago.” His voice was quiet, breaking under the weight of his emotions. 

Sharon was on her feet before he had even finished speaking, closing the distance between them in a few quick strides. She took hold of his arm and turned him around to face her. Anger was bubbling up inside her, pushing away everything else she’d had on her mind. It was not Andy she was angry with, however. It was the situation they found themselves in and whoever had created it. She was also furious at herself for being too self-involved to notice how much he was beating himself up over this, but that was something she would have to deal with at a later time. 

“No,” she objected in a clear and resolute tone. “You will not turn your back on this relationship, and you will not take the blame for something that is not your fault.” 

She stared at him, her eyes narrowed as she waited for any sign that he understood her words. He did not respond, but he also did not look away, so she went on, her free hand landing on his chest right over his heart. 

“Andy, I realize that our relationship did not begin in the most proper way, but our past is what led us to this point. It is what shaped us into the people we are. Whoever is dragging our past into the spotlight, we will find them, and we will put a stop to this. No matter what happens or what the consequences of that person’s actions will be for us, I will not regret one single moment with you. Maybe I should feel guilty for having been unfaithful over the years of my marriage, and I do, but I would not trade away a single minute of our time together.” 

Rising to the tips of her toes, Sharon brushed his lips with hers in a gentle, lingering kiss, closing her eyes when she finally felt him relax against her. His arms slipped around her and he drew her close, holding onto her like a drowning man to a raft. They stood like that for a long moment, her head resting against his chest and his face buried in her hair. 

The longer their embrace lasted, the stronger Sharon’s resolve got. She was still extremely mortified at the thought of what her colleagues and god knows who else had seen, and she still wished that they did not have to face the situation at all, but she no longer felt the paralyzing helplessness of before. 

Tomorrow, they would return to work and find the person that was turning their lives upside down. Before that, they would have to go through the video to see if it gave them any leads, but that could wait a little while. For the moment, they would linger in the sanctuary of their bedroom, enjoying their quiet togetherness, and finding strength in each other’s company. 

That was what their relationship was. It was a source of strength, and comfort, and love, and no one would be able to take that away from them as long as they held onto one another.

 

**~TBC~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little more kinky than you might be used to, but I don't think it's anything too outrageous. Thought I'd let you know, though, just in case.

 

Sharon had not consciously pointed her car towards his neighborhood, and yet, she found herself in front of Andy Flynn’s small apartment. She was still reeling from what she had learned earlier, her heart pounding and her chest constricted in panic. 

Sharon Raydor was no stranger to having to deal with difficult situations. As a mother of two with a full-time job and a husband who was mostly absent, even when he was physically there, she did not expect life to be easy. 

In recent years, she had gotten used to Jack’s addiction. He had always been a charismatic man, even more so after a few drinks. At some point, a few drinks with friends had turned into spending long nights at bars, drinking until he was barely able to make it home on his own. She had lost count of the times she had to load her sleeping children into the car to pick up their inebriated father, because the cab driver that had been called by the bartender refused to take him. She had struggled to get his uncooperative and increasingly heavy body into the car and later from the car to the sofa. She had cleaned his vomit out of the carpet of their car, fighting her own nausea at the acrid smell that lingered long after any visible evidence was removed. And when he failed to pass out right away, she had been on the receiving end of his bad temper as soon as the buzz started wearing off. He had never been physically abusive, but his words inflicted just as much pain. When he was sick of her requests for him to spend more time with his family, to cut back on the drinking, to focus on his job so that he would not lose it again, he left for weeks or months on end, only to return full of remorse and promises to do better. They had done that three times over the last two years, and only a few days earlier, he had walked out on them again. 

Jack leaving had not come as a surprise. She had expected it to happen, even if she had hoped that he would wait until after Christmas. What she had not seen coming was standing at the checkout, intending to pay for Christmas gifts for her children, only to have her cards declined. It was a thoroughly humiliating experience, but nothing compared to marching into her bank half an hour later to demand to know what was going on and having a middle-aged man in an expensive suit tell her she was broke. 

He could not have been any more condescending when he had informed her that it was not the bank’s problem if she and her husband were unable to take care of their finances and that they would most certainly not grand them any further loans, especially considering her husband’s current lack of gainful employment. He had, however, been helpful in determining the extent of her financial problems. 

It was a week before Christmas, and Sharon had seven dollars and fourteen cents in her wallet. Their bank account was cleaned out, their credit cards maxed out, and their house mortgaged twice. Jack had even emptied their children’s savings accounts, the ones both their parents contributed to every birthday and Christmas. 

She had spent another hour trying to get a hold of her husband, hoping that they could fix whatever he had done. It was one of his drinking buddies who had told her that Jack had discovered his passion for gambling, and that he had talked about going away to Las Vegas or Reno or some other place with a lot of casinos. She had no way of finding him and no way of getting back the money he had taken. 

The moment she realized that, the anger that had burned like a fire inside her belly had given way to the cold fist of fear clenching around her heart. Not only did she have no presents for her children, but she also had no way of putting any food on the table over the holidays. How she would manage to make the mortgage payments on one salary, she did not know, either. 

Her entire life was falling apart around her, and she had no idea how to fix it. She felt lost with no one to turn to for immediate help. As she sat in her car in front of the bar where she had tried to find her husband, Sharon’s mind kept spinning around the same words over and over again. 

_There’s no way out._

Breathing was increasingly difficult and she felt dizzy and nauseous, her vision blurry as dark spots danced in front of her eyes. How she had managed to start the car and make her way to Andy’s place without causing an accident, she did not know, and she preferred not to think about it too much. 

They had not seen one another for a few months. When Jack had returned in early October, they had decided, once again, to break off whatever their entanglement was. She refused to call it an affair, although, technically, that was exactly what it was. 

To his credit, when he opened the door for her, Andy did not hesitate more than a second before he stepped aside to let her enter, nor did he pause to question her when she walked right into his arms. 

He did not need to ask her what had brought her to his door. It was a pattern he was becoming all too familiar with. They had a good time together, Jack came home, they decided to not see each other again, and at some point, Jack left again, sending her back to him. Maybe he should resent her for using him like that, but the fact of the matter was that he liked to be with her. 

They did not have a relationship. They were not even particularly close friends. What they had was great sex that had only gotten better the longer they knew each other. There was a trust and familiarity between them that made their encounters more enjoyable than anything either one of them had experienced before. It was possible that the secrecy and sense of doing something forbidden added to the pleasure. He did not know what exactly it meant, and he feared that he was getting a little too involved, but he was unable to walk away from her. 

As for her continued attachment to her wayward husband, he could not really blame her for that. She was doing again and again what Andy wished his ex-wife had done at least once. She gave Jack chance after chance to come home and be the husband and father she needed him to be. He had no idea if it was her faith, her stubbornness, or a combination of both that gave her the strength to put her heart on the line over and over again, but he admired her for it, even if he wanted to punch Jack in the face for continually disappointing her. 

She seldom talked to him about her marriage, and if she did, it was never in great detail. The moment he had opened the door and laid eyes on her, however, Andy had known that something was different this time. Whatever Jack had done, it had shaken her to the core. She was trembling in his arms, her breath ragged, and her face deathly pale. 

He wanted to ask her what had happened, to find out what he could do to help her, but she cut his words off before he was able to utter them, her lips capturing his in a desperate kiss. 

Andy questioned the wisdom of drowning her problems in sex, but who was he to judge? Besides, as her deft fingers made quick work of his shirt buttons and her lips trailed hot kisses along his jaw and down the side of his neck, he was powerless to stop her, his body already responding to her touch. 

It was madness. Sharon was convinced of that. There were a million things she should do, but all she was able to focus on was the feeling of Andy’s skin underneath her hands, his scent filling her senses, and the taste of him on her lips. Once he had caught up with her, he turned them around and pressed her against the closed front door, his body hot and solid against hers. She felt his arousal digging into her belly as they fought to divest one another of their clothes. 

Never before had she felt such desperation to be with someone, to lose herself in another person. Rational thought eluded her, and all she wanted was to make the pain in her chest go away, at least for a little while. At that moment, she did not know how else to do it. Andy was her refuge, as she had been his many times before. 

When they were down to their underwear, Andy pinned her against the door again, their hands clasped next to her head, and their lips locked in a searing kiss. She whimpered into his mouth as he stole her breath, their tongues dancing, exploring tirelessly. Desire had her entire body throbbing, shooting along her nerves like electricity. Her skin felt flushed, sensitive to the slightest touch. 

“I’m sorry,” she finally spoke when they broke apart for air, her words no more than a gasped whisper. They both knew that she should not have come to him. It had been only a little over two months earlier that she had broken their arrangement off to welcome her husband back into her life. She felt horrible for using him, for only showing up when she needed him. 

The truth was, she was beginning to miss him when they did not see one another. Over the past few weeks, she had found herself longing for his touch when she had been with her husband. If anything, that was even more reason to stay away from him. She was getting too close, but she was unable to let go completely of the connection they had, no matter how unfair it was to him, or to her, or even to Jack, although she did not particularly care about that at the moment. 

Andy softly brushed the corner of her mouth with his lips before he leaned his forehead against hers, quietly shushing her. 

“Don’t ever be sorry for coming to me when you need to. You’ll always be safe here.” 

Sharon was not a damsel in distress. She did not need protecting, and she did not need anyone to take care of her and her business. No one who was even just remotely acquainted with her would ever claim otherwise. That did not mean, however, that she did not occasionally have moments when it helped to lean onto another person. Everyone did. 

Andy knew his limits in these moments. He was not her knight in shining armor. She did not want or need him to swoop in and make her worries go away. What he was able to do was provide her with a place to step away from it all for a little while, a chance to regroup and think of something else until she was ready to take on whatever challenge life had thrown at her. 

It was by no means a one-sided arrangement. Sharon did the same for him, and the fact that he had not gone insane in the aftermath of his divorce was largely owed to her strength and kindness. She let him talk about the things that were weighing on his mind, she listened when he ranted about his ex-wife, she held him close when the thought of losing his children made life seem pointless, and she distracted him when he would otherwise have crawled into a bottle. 

Maybe one day he would be ready to admit to himself that he was in love with her, and maybe the time would come for her to be ready to accept his love, and possibly even return it. It was not that day, yet. Instead, he gave her the one thing she would accept from him – comfort and distraction. 

His words only fueled her passion for him. The promise of a safe haven, of a few hours of not caring about anything but each other was exactly what she needed. Arching against him, Sharon moaned when he trailed kisses down her neck, nibbling at her collar bone. She wanted to touch him, to pull him closer, to feel his hot skin under her hands, and dig her nails into his firm muscles. 

He did not release his hold on her hands, though. Instead, he turned her around and brought her arms up so that he could grasp both of her wrists with one hand, pinning them down above her head. His groin pushed against her ass, and the fingers of his free hand trailed down her side, across her stomach, brushing the underside of her breasts. His touch was maddeningly soft, almost tickling, and it left her skin tingling in its wake. She ached for more. She need him to make her forget, to draw her out of her head. 

His hand skimmed down over her stomach again, making her muscles flutter in reaction. He did not hesitate to slip his fingers under the waistband of her panties, letting them trail through her curls, one of his long digits burrowing between her folds to seek out the evidence of her arousal. 

She bucked into his touch, whimpering when he slipped another finger inside her and then another. The heel of his hand pressed against her clit as he thrust into her hard and fast, the sudden change of his approach taking her breath away. She moved her hips in counterpoint with his thrusts, feeling his solid body pressed against her back, his hard length digging into her ass. 

Her release was so close. It was coiled tightly inside her, ready to explode at any moment. Her breath came in short pants in between whimpers and moans, her heart was pounding so hard that it made her dizzy, and her skin was slick with sweat. At some point, Andy had released his hold on her wrists, curling his free arm around her, his hand pressing against her stomach, just above her pubic bone. Her own hands were still where he had put them, her nails digging into the worn wood of the door. 

Her entire body burned with it, and the pleasure she felt was beginning to turn into pain as the edge remained just out of reach for her. Andy leaned even closer, his lips brushing against her ear, his soft words tickling the sensitive skin. 

“Let go, Sharon. I’ve got you.” 

She wanted to, but it was no use. She was too tense, her mind still too active, despite Andy’s skilled touch. With a frustrated groan, Sharon slumped against the door, slapping the palm of her hand against the hard surface.

Andy carefully withdrew his hand from between her legs and wrapped both arms around her, pulling her back against him. He held her close for a long moment, swaying their bodies back and forth when she let her head fall against his shoulder. A few angry tears rolled down her cheeks, but he did not say anything. 

He gave her a moment to calm down before he turned her around and cupped her cheeks with both hands, his thumb caressing her lower lip. When he looked into her eyes, it was not the fire of passion that he found burning in their depths. It was there, but dulled by a shadow of sadness and something so dark that it frightened him. He had never seen her like that before, and he did not know how to make the darkness go away, but he was determined to try. 

“Tell me what you need,” he implored, his lips hovering close to hers. He felt her uneven breaths against his skin, his heart clenching in sympathy at the conflicting emotions he saw in her expression. There was pain, and fear, and hopelessness, but what got to him the most was the raw need. 

She shook her head, wanting to drown in his kind eyes. She felt lost, as if she was falling through space with no sense of where she was and nothing to hold on to except the man in front of her. The thought of letting go of him made her panic. What did she need? She had no idea. All she knew was that, without him, she would be lost. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered looking up at him helplessly. “Just make me forget.” 

He studied her for a long moment before he came to a decision. He hoped that it would be the right one, that it would indeed help. 

“Do you trust me?”

Sharon did not hesitate to nod. There were so many things she was uncertain about at that moment, but trusting Andy was not one of them. When he tugged on her hands and led her to his bedroom, she followed him without question. She allowed him to finish undressing her, his hands and lips skimming over her skin as he slowly, deliberately peeled her bra and panties off her body. 

The cool air on her heated skin made her shiver, and she tried to close the distance between them, to snuggle up to him and seek out his warmth, but he would not let her. Instead, he stared at her naked body, only touching her with his hungry gaze while he was still dressed in his briefs. She felt a flush rise up into her cheeks, her eyes slipping to the floor between them in embarrassment. He would not allow it, however. 

“Look at me,” he commanded, his voice firm.

He was pleased when she followed his order without protest, seeing the way her eyes darkened with desire as she straightened her posture, unintentionally pushing her chest out towards him.

It was something that they had talked about a while ago. She had confessed, albeit reluctantly, that she sometimes wanted to give up control, to submit to another person completely and let them determine what she should do and feel. They had shared their secret fantasies and darkest desires that night, and Andy hoped that fulfilling some of hers might help her let go of her problems for a little while. 

Letting his gaze linger on her enticing form, he waited until she started growing restless, taking pleasure in the darkening of her skin from her chest to the roots of her hair. He was dying to touch her, to let his fingers brush over her breasts and tease her already puckered nipples, and he knew that she wanted that, too. She was chewing on her bottom lip, drawing it into her mouth. 

When his control was beginning to slip, he took her by both arms and turned her around to face the foot of the bed. He put one hand between her shoulder blades and pushed her upper body down until she was forced to catch herself, placing her underarms on the soft mattress. He tapped the inside of her feet with his toes, nudging them apart as if she were a suspect he was preparing to search. The sight of her bare ass presented to him like that was almost his undoing. His own arousal was hard to ignore, but he pushed it aside, instead focusing on running his hands over her skin. 

He massaged the firm cheeks, digging his fingers into the tense muscles at the base of her spine, running them all the way down to the back of her thighs and up again, allowing his thumbs to draw inwards, brushing lightly over her swollen outer lips. She moaned at the fleeting touch, pushing back a little bit, seeking more. 

When he brought the palm of his hand down hard on her right cheek, she yelped. Her skin tingled where he had slapped her, but before she was able to process what had happened, he did it again, and then once more, picking a different spot every time. The pain was sharp, followed by a steady burn that warmed her ass thoroughly. Then he caressed the abused flesh again, his gentle touch soothing, relaxing. She hummed and closed her eyes as the pleasure of his touch swept her away on a gentle wave. 

Then he applied his hand to her cheeks again, and this time he did not stop. His palm cracked down on her skin again and again, each time in a different position, the force of his blows changing constantly, giving her no chance to adjust. She lost count after a little while and gave herself over to the sensations he invoked.

Her gasps and whimpers slowly turned into deep moans as pain and pleasure swirled together until one was indistinguishable from the other. She buried her face in the soft fabric of the duvet, muffling the screams she was unable to suppress. The tingling of her reddened skin set other parts of her body on fire, and she felt moisture pool between her legs. Her sex was pulsing with need, the sense of being completely exposed to Andy’s eyes only heightening her arousal. 

The ache that built inside of her was almost unbearable by the time he finally stopped spanking her. When he trailed one finger through her curls from her clit all the way to her back entrance, her knees almost buckled and she gasped into the sheets. 

“Andy, please,” she begged, almost sobbing when he stepped away from her instead. 

“Get on the bed and lie on your back.” 

While his instructions were meant to sound dispassionate, he was unable to hide completely just how much he was affected by what they were doing, and the knowledge calmed her nerves considerably. 

She did as he asked, following his movements with her eyes as he walked to the closet, only to return a moment later with one of his silk ties. For a split second, she felt panic well up inside of her at the thought of being completely at his mercy, but she had told him that she trusted him, and she did. She had asked him to help her forget, and she had a feeling that, whatever he had in mind, he would succeed. 

Raising her arms above her head, she held onto one of the iron rungs of the headboard, allowing Andy to tie her wrists together and to the bed. She watched his face as he worked, his dark eyes fixed on his task in single-minded concentration. 

Letting her gaze wander down his body, she felt her fingers twitch with the need to let them brush through the dark curls on his chest, the memory of the soft hair tickling her skin fresh in her mind. He still wore his briefs, the dark blue material tented with his straining erection, its tip peeking out at the top, glistening and red. She licked her lips, imagining the taste of him, all salt and musk, a smile tugging at her lips when she thought about what he would do if she ran her tongue along his length, circling it around the sensitive tip. 

He must have realized where her mind had gone. As soon as he had secured her hands above her head, he hooked one finger under her chin and made her raise her eyes to meet his. Smirking down at her, he planted a gentle kiss against her lips before he looked at her again. 

“Not tonight,” he said of her earlier train of thought. “Tonight is about you.” 

With that he began kissing her all over, his lips brushing against her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, his teeth tugging at her earlobe, sucking it into his mouth until she moaned softly. He whispered one word into her ear, his hot breath against her skin so distracting that she almost did not hear it. She snorted when she realized that it was supposed to be her safe word, but forgot all about it a moment later when he latched onto that extremely sensitive spot right behind her ear, sucking gently, surely leaving a small mark.

He nibbled and kissed his way down her body, spending long minutes teasing her breasts, kneading the supple flesh, rolling a nipple between his fingers while sucking the other one into his mouth, scraping his teeth over it, and flicking his tongue against it until she whimpered and arched into his touch. 

When he switched sides, he attacked her soft mounds in earnest, biting and tugging until she threw her head back and forth on the pillow, moaning as she was caught between pain and pleasure. With a few more gentle licks to soothe the abused flesh, he moved on, over her slightly rounded stomach and farther down. 

The scent of her arousal almost drove him mad as he settled between her thighs. His dick twitched, aching where it was trapped against the mattress. He fought against the urge to bury himself inside her, to pound into her until they both screamed their release. That was not what he had planned, however. Instead he looped on arm around her thigh, laying the hand against her stomach, as he trailed the finger of the other through her curls. He softly massaged her swollen outer lips, refusing to touch her where she really needed him. When she drew her knees apart even more, a wordless plea for more, he closed his eyes for a second, praying for strength as her lips parted, making his mouth water with the sight of her glistening depth. 

He drew his finger closer to her entrance, dipping the tip inside her just far enough to collect some of her moisture. He circled her clit, not quite touching it, before he did it all over again. 

Sharon thrust her hips into his touch, trying to get closer, to have him push deeper. His hand on her stomach held her down, pressing against her hard as he slowly inserted a finger into her, enjoying her heat and the way her muscled rippled in reaction to his touch. Then he finally gave in to the desperate need to taste her.

Andy was going to kill her. She was sure of it. When he ran his tongue around her entrance and then latched onto her clit, a loud moan was drawn from deep within her as sparks of pleasure zapped along her nerves. He was relentless, lapping, and sucking, and scraping his teeth over her until she could hardly breathe. 

Once again, she was so close to finding her release that she could practically taste it. Every single cell of her body was afire, tingling with her desire as he pushed a second and then a third finger into her, curling, and twisting, and pumping them inside her. 

If she had room in her mind to consider them, she would worry about his neighbors and what they might think about the screams they heard from next door, but there was no way she would be able to keep it down, even if she tried. He had her right on the edge, but once again, she was not able to take that last step. 

The pressure inside her kept building, and it felt as if it was going to tear her apart. She was desperate to feel the explosion, chasing his touch with her hips, straining against the tie that kept her from burying her hands in his thick hair, to scrape her nails against his scalp and tug him closer, to hold him to her as she ground into him. 

Andy must have realized that she was struggling to find her release. His frantic movements slowed down, and he withdrew his fingers, gently running his tongue over her throbbing lips, soothing the reddened flesh, and giving her a moment to catch her breath. She was grateful for the small reprieve. His slower, more deliberate motions brought her back to enjoying his touch more thoroughly instead of concentrating on chasing her elusive orgasm and getting caught up in the frustration that came with her failure to achieve it.

Kissing his way up her body once more, Andy captured her lips in a searing kiss, sharing the taste of her desire with her. She moaned into his mouth, their tongues tangling playfully. One of his hands was planted on the mattress next to her torso, holding him up where he hovered over her. The other was still between her legs, his fingers keeping up their slow thrusts while the pad of his thumb lightly brushed over her clit. 

Andy reluctantly broke their kiss, briefly tugging at her lower lip before letting it go. He looked down at her, waiting for her to open her eyes and meet his gaze. When she did, he withdrew his fingers from her depth, smiling when the corners of her mouth turned down in disappointment at the loss of contact. He kept studying her as he inched his wet digits away from where she so badly wanted them, watching her eyes widen when he circled a fingertip around her back entrance. He gave her a moment to process his actions, waiting to see if she was going to protest. 

Her breath caught in her throat, and for a second she went rigid as she realized what he was asking. The idea scared her, but the gentle pressure of his finger also sent a shiver of excitement down her spine. She had never allowed anyone to touch her there before, even though she had, on occasion, wondered what it would be like. 

Curiosity and arousal eventually won over her fear, and she tentatively tilted her hips to push against his questing finger, giving him permission to do as he pleased. It felt strangely liberating to give him complete control, to hand all her trust to him. 

He was almost certain that she would tell him to stop when he saw her eyes widen and felt her body tense, but then she surprised him. Having her surrender to him like that was highly arousing to him. She lay beneath him completely open in every sense, trusting him with her body and her pleasure. He vowed to cherish that gift and to do his best not to disappoint her. 

The teasing was merciless. He kept his touch gentle, spreading her moisture, letting his thumb flick over her clit or a finger dip into her swollen folds. She was ready to scream at him by the time he finally pressed one of his long digits into her tight opening, the muscles protesting slightly before they let him pass.

Sharon closed her eyes and breathed deeply, moaning quietly as the slight discomfort of the unfamiliar intrusion turned into intense pleasure. Andy was careful as he moved inside her, gently thrusting into her until she relaxed. Andy reached over to the nightstand with his free hand and retrieved a bottle of lube from the top drawer, before he kissed his way back down her body. He settled between her thighs once more, his lips closing around her clit as he began to slowly and deliberately drive her out of her mind. 

The friction was maddeningly delicious, even more so when he slid a second finger inside her, the generous amount of lube he had applied cold on her heated skin. His tongue moved between her engorged clit and her throbbing pussy, lapping up her abundant arousal and making her whimper and moan. His fingers stretched the tight ring of muscles, thrusting and twisting until she rocked her hips into his touch. 

The pressure inside her built fast, and he pushed her higher and higher with every thrust, every flick of his tongue. When she finally came apart with a scream, her entire body twitching and tingling with the intensity of her release, he did not stop. He kept going until a second orgasm exploded from deep inside her, and then another one, until she was left whimpering and moaning helplessly, begging for mercy as her hips still thrust, seeking for more. 

When Andy finally stilled his hand and looked up to study her, the sight that greeted him almost took his breath away. Her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted as she panted, her skin flushed and glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. He felt her inner muscles flutter and her thighs tremble. Her hair was mussed, spread out around her head in a halo of brown, and gold, and red. 

Slowly withdrawing his fingers from her, he retrieved a few tissues from the nightstand and cleaned them before he lay down beside her, his head resting in his hand as he studied her. He ran his fingertips up and down her body, tickling the sensitive spots at her side and making her abdominal muscles flutter under his feather light touch. 

He only granted her a couple of minutes to recover, and when her eyes opened reluctantly, the emerald orbs almost black with her lingering desire, he rose to his knees again and leaned over her. His lips captured hers in a long, passionate kiss that made her arch her back in search for closer contact. When he finally pulled away, he brushed a few light kisses along her jaw up to her ear, where he gently nibbled at her lobe. 

“I want you to turn around and get up on your knees,” he instructed on a heated whisper before he sank his teeth into the soft skin of her neck, drawing a groan from her. 

Sharon thought she knew what he had in mind, and the mental image made her tremble. She struggled to turn onto her stomach with her hands still tied to the bed. The restraints tightened around her wrists as they twisted, the silk of Andy’s tie cutting into her skin. She felt his eyes on her as she shuffled around until she was somewhat comfortable on her knees, her upper body supported by her elbows and her forehead resting on the pillow. There was no help from him, and he made no move to loosen her restraints to alleviate the slight discomfort they caused. 

When Andy nudged her inner thighs to push her knees farther apart, she complied, hiding her blushing cheeks in the pillow. Although, why she even bothered feeling shame at this point, she did not know. They had moved so far beyond any sense of propriety already, that it seemed ridiculous. And yet, presenting her bare bottom like that, knowing that he would be able to see how aroused she was and imagining that her ass cheeks would still be glowing from the spanking she had received, left her feeling deliciously exposed and vulnerable. 

He sat on his heels behind her, and she watched him as he reached for the bottle of lube again, squirting some of it into his hand, and coating his hard length with it. He curled his fingers around his throbbing flesh and gave it a few slow pumps, and Sharon wished that she was able to do it for him. She wanted to feel his heat in her hand, to cup his balls with the other, squeezing and pulling gently, with just enough force to make him grunt in that way that drove her crazy. 

Then he rose to his knees and shuffled closer, one of his hands holding onto her hip to steady her, while the other guided him to her entrance. He drew the thick head of his cock through her folds, pressing it against her clit before entering her pussy in one long, deep thrust. Her walls stretched around him, welcoming him as he set a relentless pace. Within moments, she was moaning, her entire body tingling with renewed passion once again. If he so much as touched her clit, she would fly off the edge again. 

Instead, he left her bereft when, after only a few thrusts, he pulled out of her again. Before she was able to protest, his palm connected with her ass again in a series of quick slaps. His hand was still slightly moist from the lube he had applied to himself, and it only intensified the pain she felt. It translated into pleasure in an instant, leaving her wet and throbbing, anticipating his next move. 

When it came, she was so out of her mind with arousal that there was no hesitation. There was more lube, cold on her furled hole, but only for an instant before the gentle but insistent pressure of his cock set her on fire. 

He had prepared her well. She was completely relaxed, and his length slid past the tight muscles with no more than a slight twinge of discomfort. For a second, she tensed at the unfamiliar intrusion, but when Andy smacked the side of her ass a couple of times and growled at her to breathe, she obeyed, allowing him to fill her completely. 

They both stilled for a moment, giving Sharon time to adjust. Both of his hands gripped her hips, his fingers digging into her skin as he groaned at the exquisite pleasure of being buried inside her. Then he started to move very slowly, closing his eyes for a little while to keep himself from exploding right away. 

Sharon buried her face in the pillow to muffle her increasingly noisy response to the sensations he created. When he leaned over her and slipped one hand between her legs, two fingers sliding between her swollen folds and into her throbbing depth, the base of his thumb pressing against her clit, her grunts turned into screams. 

She was going to die. There was no way around it. The pressure inside her built beyond what she thought possible, and for a frightening moment she feared that she might pass out. The friction was almost too much, but whenever she thought she could not possibly take more, he increased his pace, the fingers inside her curling to touch all the right places. She wanted to push back into his thrusts, but at the same time, she wished to roll her hips into the hand between her legs. Her breasts moved beneath her, the painfully sensitive nipples brushing against the sheets, sending even more pleasure along her already overloaded nerves. 

When it finally came, her release was overwhelming. It felt as if every single muscle in her body went rigid, driving the breath out of her lungs. It was almost painful in its intensity, and it seemed to have no end. Sparks exploded behind her closed lids, the soft pillow barely muffling her desperate screams. 

Her inner muscles gripped his fingers and his cock impossibly tightly, and her legs almost gave out under her, his hands the only thing holding her up. It only took a few more thrusts until he felt his own release start at the base of his spine, liquid fire burning down his thighs and up his back as he spilled his seed inside of her with a loud roar. 

He held onto her for a moment as the last sparks of pleasure traveled through him, his length twitching a few more times. Then he carefully lowered her to the bed, keeping their bodies joined for a little while longer. When she lay on her stomach with him stretched out on top of her, part of his weight braced on one arm, he freed her hands with the other hand, rubbing her reddened wrists gently once the silk tie fell away. 

He trailed lazy kisses along her shoulder as he massaged the arm he was able to reach. She was certain that his weight on top of her was all that kept her from floating away. Her head was still spinning and her heart pounding frantically as she tried to catch her breath. Her shoulders ached from having been in the same position for too long, but she was unable to move a single muscle, her entire body limp and unresponsive.

Soon they would have to move. Andy was growing heavy as his arms trembled under his own weight, and his softening member was slowly slipping out of her. Her thighs were sticky with the result of their release, and there was a sizable wet spot forming underneath her. In another few minutes, their sweaty bodies would start cooling down, leaving them shivering in the cool air of his bedroom. They would need to take a shower and strip down the bed, and the windows would have to be opened to take care of the heavy scent of sex that lingered in the air. All of that would have to wait for a little while longer, though. They both needed to linger, to enjoy the afterglow and the sense of closeness that had never been quite that intense before. Her last thought before she drifted off into a light slumber was that she wanted this feeling to last forever.

 

  

It was much later, once they had shared a shower to wash the evidence of their encounter off their skin that they lay in Andy’s bed, her head on his shoulder and their fingers laced on top of his stomach. She had one leg draped over his, and his free arm was wrapped around her, playing with the ends of her still damp hair. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Andy hoped that she would, but he did not expect it. She surprised him when, after a long pause, she started speaking. She told him about the fight that she had with Jack four days earlier and how she had returned from work that night to find him gone. He tugged her a little closer when she drew a ragged breath, patiently waiting for her to continue. 

It was hard to admit that her marriage was broken, that her husband did not love her or her children enough to stick around. This time, however, the devastation Jack had left behind went beyond broken hearts, and Sharon struggled to share just how bad things were. 

“He took everything we had,” she finally confessed in a small voice, her face flushing with shame. “He cleaned out all our accounts and took out a second mortgage.” 

She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears, drawing deep breaths to regain control over her emotions, a tough battle she was only partly successful in winning. If he noticed the few tears that escaped, he did not comment. His only reaction to her words was the tension that went through his entire body and the tightening of his fingers around hers. 

“I don’t know what to do, Andy.” 

Her voice was no more than a broken whisper, thick with suppressed tears and shaking slightly with her effort to hold them back. It hurt to see her so vulnerable, so broken. 

Anger was rolling through him in thick waves, turning his stomach and making his head pound. Once, years ago, Andy had considered Jack to be good company. Not really a friend, but they hung out at the bar occasionally or met at their sons’ ball games on the rare occasions Jack bothered to show up. He had been fun to be around. That was, until Andy had gotten closer to Sharon and found out what a rotten husband Jack was. While Andy was in no way husband or father of the year material, the one thing his ex-wife could never claim was that he took away the money she and their kids needed to live. On the contrary; he always paid the court-mandated child and spousal support, and more on top of that for birthdays, Christmas, and other special occasions. It was the one way he was still able to be a part of his kids’ lives, and he would rather go hungry himself than leave them wanting for anything. 

His hands were itching with the need to be wrapped around Jack’s neck, to punch the other man until he saw reason. Instead he held on tighter to the woman in his arms, wishing, not for the first time, that he was able to make all the pain and worry go away for her. And once again, he wondered if their lives would have turned out differently if they had met many years ago, if they had gotten married to one another. He wanted to believe that he would have been a better husband to Sharon than he had been to Sandra, that he would have given her a chance to go to law school. In his fantasy, Sharon did not resent him for his long hours or the troubling memories he failed to leave at work, and he did not spend his evenings at the bar, drowning his sorrows instead of being with his family. 

He would never know, and all he was left with was regretting his mistakes and fighting his conflicting emotions regarding Sharon’s marriage to Jack. On the one hand, he wanted nothing more than to hunt Jack down and make him fix what he had broken, on the other hand, he had a hard time letting go of his selfish wish to take care of Sharon and be with her for as long as she would let him. 

In the end, it was not up to him. She would not thank him for butting into her private life. Despite her opening up to him and the way she was feeling at that moment, Sharon was intensely private and fiercely independent. She did not need him to rescue her. 

“What about your parents? Can’t they help you out until you get back on your feet?” 

He knew what it would cost her to ask them. She was a grown woman, and admitting to her parents that the man they had never approved off had turned out to be exactly what they had predicted would not be easy. From what she had told him, however, they were not exactly short on money and loved both their daughter and their grandchildren very much. He could not imagine that they would hesitate to help. 

Sharon sighed as she thought of the conversation she would have to have with her mom and dad. “Yes, I’m sure they will not mind loaning me whatever I need, but they are currently in Europe and will not be back until mid January. There is not much they can do until then, even if I were inclined to ruin their vacation by calling them now. I will just have to figure something out until then.” 

What that would be, she did not know. The few friendships she had managed to maintain between work and her family were not close enough for her to be comfortable asking them for a loan. She was already going through her jewelry box in her mind to figure out how far pawning the few valuable items she owned would get her. For a brief moment, she felt good about the thought that her wedding and engagement rings would probably get them through the rest of the year, but that feeling was gone almost as fast as it had come. As much as she resented her husband for what he had done, those rings still meant something to her, and giving them away would most likely hurt her more than him – if he ever even noticed. 

“I can give you enough to tide you over until payday,” he offered, the words tumbling out of him before he had been able to think. 

He held his breath, waiting for her reaction, realizing that she might not appreciate the offer. He did mean it, however. It was finally something that he could do for her, even if it was not as much as he would like. 

She pushed away from him, sitting up and tugging the sheet up to her chin as she shook her head. 

“Andy, no. I can’t take your money. We’re not… I can’t take it.” 

Rising from his comfortable position among the soft pillows, Andy turned to face her, reaching out to clasp her hand in his once again, looking down at their entwined fingers while he considered his next words carefully. 

“Look,” he finally began, “I don’t need a great deal of money for myself, and I already paid Sandra what she needs for herself and the kids. What’s left over, I’ll probably spend at the bar, anyway. I want you to have it. You can pay me back whenever you’re able to.” 

She was about to protest, but Andy went on before she was able to speak. 

“I get that you don’t like this, but the thing is, it’s not just about you. If you don’t want to take it for your sake, take it for Ricky and Emily. Don’t you think they deserve to at least have food on the table for Christmas if their father can’t be bothered to be there for them?” 

It was a cheap shot, and he felt horrible for taking it, but it got the job done. Her resolve was slowly starting to crumble. He knew that she would never even have considered his offer if it had only been her, but there was very little she would not do for her children. 

“Please let me do this for you, Sharon.” 

He cupped her chin and sought out her eyes with his, feeling his heart constrict at the pain she saw reflected in them. His thumb brushed over her cheek, wiping away the few tears that had escaped her struggle for control. When she finally nodded, he released a breath he had not been aware of holding. Laying back down, he gently tugged on her hand to pull her with him, wrapping both arms around her when she snuggled into his side. 

Soon, she would have to return home to her kids and the struggles that awaited her there. Until then, Andy comforted her the best way he was able to, hoping that she would leave his place a little stronger, ready to face what would be a tough few weeks ahead. He still wished that there were more ways for him to help her, that she would let him shoulder some of her burdens, but the knowledge that she and her small family would not go hungry, at least for the next couple of weeks, gave him some satisfaction. He was confident that Sharon would find a way to handle the situation and come out of it even stronger. It was who she was. It was one of the reasons he loved her.

 

**~TBC~**

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

When they arrived at work the next morning, Sharon and Andy were exhausted. The previous evening had been a long and emotionally taxing one. After their long conversation, they had resolved to review the video together, even though Andy had tried to convince her that she did not have to do it. She would not allow him to face that on his own, no matter how hard she thought it would be for her. They were partners, after all. 

As they sat huddled on her bed in order to avoid being surprised by Rusty, they found themselves thrown back to an entirely different time. Watching their younger selves brought with it many conflicting feelings. Primarily, they were both mortified, knowing that one of their most intimate moments was out there for everyone to see. People would draw conclusions based on the nature of the filmed scene without having any notion of the circumstances that brought it about or the fact that it did not depict something that had happened more than once. 

It also reminded them of the pain and uncertainty of that time. Sharon had spent years working her way out of the debt Jack had left behind, pulling as many shifts as humanly possible while taking care of her children. For a while, she even did a little work from home on the side. One of her college friends, who worked for a law firm, had suggested her when someone had been needed to type up dictations while their secretary was on maternity leave. It was an easy job that she had been able to do while watching her children play or supervise their homework. During that time, she had survived on little to no sleep for weeks on end, pushing herself to complete exhaustion. 

Her parents had loaned her enough money to get back on her feet and pay off the second mortgage, but she had insisted on paying them back despite their insistence that it was not necessary. 

For Andy, remembering that time held its own darkness. It brought him back to the acute loneliness of losing his family, the despair that had led to more drinking, and the loss of control that came with it. 

What Sharon had not expected was the small spark of something more pleasant that came with watching a part of their joint past play out on the screen in front of them. Despite everything that had happened leading up to that moment and the heartbreak that followed it, that particular moment in time would always have a special place in her heart. 

She might have been at the very lowest point of her life when she had come to him that day, but Andy had managed to make her forget for a little while, to make her feel safe, and wanted, and by taking control from her in that particular context, he had helped her regain a feeling of being in control of her life. 

Never again had she trusted another person as much as she had Andy that night. It was a feeling that had not gone away over the years, even when they had been at odds professionally. She always trusted him with her life and, more importantly, with her heart. 

After watching the video, they had talked long into the night about their theories, about who might have taken it, who might have distributed it, and what their motive might have been. That was precisely what they were about to discuss with their colleagues. 

Everyone was gathered around the conference room table, sipping from coffee that Sharon and Andy had gotten on the way to work. They looked all kinds of uncomfortable as they studied the evidence that was attached to a small, mobile whiteboard. They had decided to use that instead of the large one in the Murder Room to limit the number of people who would see what they were working on. The nature of their case was already spreading like a wildfire through the LAPD, but there was no need to give people any more to gossip about than absolutely necessary. 

When everyone was settled, Provenza began to brief them on what he had achieved in regards to having the video pulled off the air. 

“It wasn’t easy to convince them that it’s in their best interest, but I got Gavin to help me out. I guess no one here is surprised that he got the editor to take the video offline. Our favorite lawyer also sent out notifications to any and all other publications that might be interested in publishing this type of thing that warned them about the consequences of such an action.” 

The old Lieutenant looked extremely smug, indicating that he’d had a great time watching people squirm while being subjected to Gavin Baker’s charm. 

“Some more serious news outlets still covered the story, but they were very vague and did not show any photos or videos, so I think it is safe to say that, at least for now, the damage has been contained.”

Provenza leaned back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach, looking at his colleagues as he waited for the next person to report. Sanchez and Sykes sat up, the latter indicating for the former to explain the status of their part of the investigation. 

The two younger detectives had interviewed the editor and reporters of the gossip site that first published the incriminating material in an attempt to figure out the source. 

“I don’t know how useful the information is that we got out of our friends, but we got the guy who wrote the pieces to talk. If you hear any complaints about that chat, ma’am, I’m sorry, but he needed a little convincing.” 

When Sharon’s eyes widened at Sanchez’ words, Amy grinned and jumped in to reassure her. 

“Don’t worry. Julio only irritated him a little. He didn’t even touch the guy. He might have implied that not cooperating wouldn’t be appreciated, but no force was used at any time.” 

“Yeah, I figured you didn’t need to deal with FID on my behalf right now, ma’am. It chafed a little, but I behaved,” Julio added with a grin aimed at his boss. 

Sharon appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood and gave him a grateful smile that almost reached her eyes. Their loyalty and the professionalism with which they treated this case made it much easier to hold on to her determination and anger when it would have been only too easy to slide back into that dark place of shame and resignation. 

“That was very considerate of you, Detective,” she replied. “So what did you _irritate_ out of the man?” 

Taking a quick look at his notes in front of him, Julio began to recount the conversation they had with Samuel Hayes. 

“Mr. Hayes told us that he was approached via email by a person who did not want to disclose their name. This person told him that they had some juicy photos of a high-ranking member of the LAPD that they were willing to share for a price.” 

At that, everyone perked up a little. If money had changed hands, there might be a trail they could follow. The email was another lead they would try to look into, but no one held much hope for that. Unless their perpetrator was incredibly stupid and sent the email from their regular account, tracking them down that way would be far more difficult than tracing money. 

Sykes’ frown and the almost imperceptible shake of her head already gave them a pretty good idea that they should not hope for much, even before Julio clarified what the price had been. 

“Unfortunately, whoever sent the photos to Mr. Hayes wasn’t interested in money. They wanted his guarantee that the story would spread beyond his website. He told the person that it would take more than one post by him and that it would have to be really good material to make any of the more reputable news sites pick it up. He was promised three deliveries and received them each a few days after the other, all from the same email account.” 

That was when Mike Tao picked up the story as they were entering into his area of expertise. 

“It’s a free email account that’s easily set up without having to give any personal information. The address itself doesn’t give any obvious clue as to the person’s identity. It seems to be a random sequence of letters and numbers or it could hold some meaning for the owner of that account, but we won’t know until we can ask them. We got a warrant for the email provider to turn over all the user data they have, and that will be sent to us in the next hour or two. If we’re lucky, the IP address that was used to log in can help us identify our guy.” 

It was hard to imagine that their mystery could be solved that easily, but they would explore the possibility, anyway. Quite often, criminals made the most basic mistakes, no matter how smart they were or how well planned their crime was. Most of them tripped over something small at some point, and they all hoped that their guy would do the same, and soon. 

When none of the team had any more to add, Andy sat forward in his seat, leaning his underarms on the table and folding his hands. The pad of his thumb went back and forth over a barely healed injury at the side of his hand. He had burned himself on the oven a few days earlier and was dying to pick at it, but he was convinced that he could feel Sharon’s admonishing stare burn into the side of his face. She had kept telling him to leave it alone more than once and always narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in a way that said _I told you so_ when he had managed to make it bleed again. It was even harder to restrain himself as he prepared to share with the team part of what he and Sharon had discussed the night before. 

“Okay, so the Captain and I worked some more on our timeline last night, and from what we have so far with the photos and the video, it looks like one of us was followed for over a year, at the least.” 

He took the small notepad that Sharon pushed over to him and took a moment to look at the notes she had taken the previous night before he looked up at the whiteboard and the timeline they already had established with the two sets of photographs. 

“The video was taken at my apartment in North Hollywood a few days before Christmas ’94. It was a pretty run down place, so I’m not really surprised someone got in there to install surveillance equipment.” 

Even all those years after the fact, Andy was still livid at the thought that someone had broken into his home to spy on him. The fact that they had no idea how many more videos might still be out there only fueled his anger. If possible, Andy would like to give his former landlord a piece of his mind, but the old man had died over ten years ago, and the building had long since been torn down and replaced by something more up-to-date. 

“Since witnesses and physical evidence of the break-ins aren’t an option, we tried to figure out who might have wanted to get dirt on us back then and who would’ve held onto their grudge for almost twenty-five years.” 

He looked around the group of people he considered friends, and when his eyes landed on his partner, the older man rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. If anyone knew about the kind of person who would harbor hard feelings for decades, it was the man who had been married more times than the rest of them combined. 

“So,” Provenza drawled, “Sandra or Jack?” 

“Sandra sure hated my guts back then, but I doubt that she cared enough about what I was up to by the time she kicked my sorry ass out of the door. And we’ve been getting along better lately, so I don’t see what reason she’d have to screw me over like that. Besides, she seems to really like Sharon. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Andy shrugged, looking over at Sharon, who studied her hands that lay folded in her lap. They had discussed at length who would hate them enough to do this to them, and they had both agreed that Sandra was not it. In fact, the two women got along so well that it scared Andy a little bit. Both had known him long enough to know all of his dirty little secrets, and they were not afraid of teasing him in front of the children. More than once, both women had teamed up to give him a hard time, to the amusement of their five kids. While he grumbled about it, he really did enjoy the time they all spent together. It was still awkward and tense occasionally, but it was getting easier. 

It was the Captain who picked up where Andy had left off. Her voice was strong, a hard edge to it that everyone in the room associated with danger. She was thoroughly riled up, and anyone who dared cross her would pay the price. Provenza gave Flynn a satisfied nod, relieved to see their boss back to her old self. An angry Raydor they knew how to deal with. 

“You all know Jack,” she began, her lips curling in contempt at the mention of her ex-husband’s name. “He does not like losing, and while I don’t see why he would have cared at the time, he tends towards rash actions. Before he went off to Las Vegas the first time, he worked for one of the bigger law firms. They retained private investigators, so it is not impossible that he asked one of them to follow me around for a while.” 

Her cheeks burned with the heat of embarrassment. While her marriage had always been fodder for the LAPD rumor mill, she had tried to keep as many details as possible away from public scrutiny. Even years after the fact it was still difficult to talk about all of it, to admit that she had not been able to keep her husband. It had taken a lot of time and many long conversations with her priest for her to stop blaming herself for that failure, but she still did not like discussing it, especially at work. She resented that their current situation forced her once again to mingle her private and professional life, and if Jack was indeed behind it, she would make him regret it. 

“But why would he choose to publish all that now, so many years after he collected it? Why didn’t he do anything with it sooner?” 

There was a furrow between Amy’s brows as she looked at her colleagues, clearly frustrated with the lack of a clear motive. Sharon almost smiled indulgently at the young woman’s naivety. The detective had surprised her with her insight and understanding of human nature many times, but there were still some situations that showed just how young she really was. Although, Sharon had to admit that she would very much like to understand exactly why things happened the way they did as well. That was something she intended to find out. In the meantime, all she was able to do was guess. 

“I can’t tell you why he never used the photos or the tape before, but he was not very happy about the divorce, and he was even less enthusiastic about the fact that I intend to marry again. Not to mention that he picked a time when the publication of that material would do the most damage to me professionally. Ten or twenty years ago, no one would have cared a great deal if he had sent it to some gossip magazine.” 

She did not mention that Jack had never been around when she had been up for a promotion before. He would have missed the two previous times when he could have inflicted serious professional damage to her. Of course, he probably did not realize that he picked the one promotion she did not want. She would make a point of telling him that once she got him to admit what he had done. 

“Yeah, and it doesn’t help that it’s me you’re planning to marry,” Andy interjected. “The guy hates me.” 

Sharon gave his arm a pat, her lips twitching as Lieutenant Provenza laughed. Andy was right, Jack did not particularly like him, but that was very much mutual. Sharon had to admit, though, that she was not exactly fond of the women her ex-husband had been sleeping with while they were still married, either. 

“All right,” Provenza exclaimed as he slapped a hand against his thigh, his tone and expression almost giddy with excitement. “Let's ask Mr. Raydor nicely if he wants to join us for a friendly little chat while we wait for…” He gestured towards Mike and his laptop, indicating that he had no clue what the younger man was working on. “Whatever it is Tao is doing. Captain, do you want to do the honors or would you like me to call your ex?” 

He was well aware that his boss tried to limit her contact with Jack as much as possible. That was a sentiment he could easily relate to. Most of his ex-wives were nice enough people - as long as he didn't have to see them. He did not mind sparing her at least some of the headache by inviting the man over himself. If being the one to ruin Jack’s day made him happy, he doubted that Sharon would mind.

“I appreciate the offer, Lieutenant, but I believe Jack will be more likely to join us without giving us too much trouble if _I_ call him.” 

At least that was her hope. It all depended on whether or not he was actually behind the photos and tape, and if so, how confident he was that she wouldn't be able to prove anything. They would have to play him exactly right if they wanted to nail him.

 

 

It was late by the time they had any news on the IP address used to send the emails. Mike told them in great detail what he had done and to what length he had gone to in order to get a useful result. Buzz was probably the only one who had been able to follow him all the way through his explanation, but no one had any difficulties understanding what the Lieutenant had discovered. 

Whoever sent those emails had used an LAPD computer. They had tried their best to hide their tracks, and it had taken Mike a lot of time and effort to finally find them, but find them he did. 

Now, they were waiting for IT to call them back and let them know who the terminal belonged to. At first glance, the lady Tao had spoken to was able to tell him that it was most probably someone in Narcotics, but she needed acting Assistant Chief Howard to give her the okay to share any more detailed information. So they were waiting. Again. 

“Captain,” Provenza piped in from behind his desk, where he sat leaned back in his chair. “When was the last time you stepped on any toes down in Narcotics?” 

It was a well known fact within the LAPD that the Gang and Narcotics unit had a particular knack for drawing FID’s displeasure. There were several rather hot headed detectives in that division, most of which had at some point been on the receiving end of Sharon Raydor’s ire. During her days as head of FID, she had been one of the most hated individuals on that floor. No one in the force particularly liked Internal Affairs, or Sharon Raydor when she had still been on the hunt for rule breakers within the force, but the animosity between the FID captain and Narcotics was legendary. 

“Not in a while, Lieutenant. Since I am no longer responsible for keeping them in line, I haven’t had any reason to annoy them in the last five years,” she responded with a smirk. Remembering the way entire rooms fell silent when she walked into them still gave her a little thrill. She might not miss being despised by most of the building, but it had given her a strange sense of power that no one expected her to even attempt to be likable. 

As everyone chuckled at her reply, Julio raised his hand, still grinning when he offered another possibility.

“Maybe it wasn’t you they were mad at, ma’am. Lieutenant Flynn is not the most popular guy down there, either.” 

Sharon had to look down and roll her lips between her teeth to keep from laughing. Sanchez had a point. Andy had on occasion been involved in the odd shouting match with one or more detectives from that unit. More than once, she had been forced to reprimand him for that. Twice, it had gotten so out of hand that he had spent a few weeks at an anger management seminar. 

Andy seemed to remember that as well. He gave her a slightly wide-eyed look, raising his hands as if to say that he had not done anything. 

“Hey! I’ve been nothing but good during the last few years.” 

Provenza scoffed at his friend’s protest. “Yeah, and why’s that?” He rolled his eyes as Andy frowned angrily at him. 

Raising her hand, the Captain put a stop to the bickering that she knew would just get worse if she let them continue. 

“Gentlemen,” she warned them, shaking her head at Andy when he was getting ready to protest. “Let us focus on the case, please.” 

When she had their full attention, she stood from where she was leaning against Flynn’s desk and walked around it to peer over his shoulder at the computer screen. As she had suspected, Andy had already pulled up a list of everyone working in Gang and Narcotics. He looked up at her for confirmation before he sent the list to the printer. Sharon gave his shoulder a squeeze and went to retrieve the sheets from the printer, casually dropping money into Provenza’s jar on the way back. 

“Even though neither the Lieutenant nor I have had any recent problems with anyone from Narcotics, we should run through this list of names and check who might have a serious enough grudge against one of us.” 

As she handed everyone their own list, Andy added another thought, maybe sounding a little too pleased for her taste. “Yeah, and while we’re at it, we might want to see if one of them has any connections to Jack.” 

Taking a second to consider his suggestion, Sharon finally nodded, but gave him a stern look as she replied. “Yes, we might want to do that. Just remember that, right now, we don’t have any evidence against him. We can look into anything that is a matter of public record, but there will be no bending or breaking of the rules here, is that clear? As soon as we talk to Jack and put our cards on the table, he will try to find a way to get out of this. Let’s not give him one.”

They all nodded and went to work, checking names and case histories, cross-referencing them with cases Jack had worked on. It was all they could do for the moment. 

Sharon had gotten a hold of her ex-husband earlier in the day and convinced him to drop by for a visit at his earliest convenience, which happened to be the following morning. She hoped that, until then, they would have a little more information. She would prefer to have a better idea of the way Jack might or might not be involved in the entire matter before she talked to him. He might not have been a very good husband or father, but Jack Raydor was an excellent lawyer, and there were very few people who knew Sharon better than he did. He would be able to tell if she went on a fishing expedition. 

She was just thinking about telling her people to head home for the night in a little while and get some rest, when Commander Mason stepped into their Murder Room, a large file clutched in his hand. He nodded at the team as he waved the folder, drawing everyone’s attention. 

Sharon frowned as she stepped over to Amy’s desk, where Mason was in the process of spreading out the papers he had brought with him. 

“What have you got for us, Commander?” 

They were not aware that Mason was working their case as well, but if he had something that would help them, they would not complain about it. 

“When IT came to Chief Howard with your request for identifying the specific computer used to communicate with that reporter, he decided that it would be better if I looked into this instead of you. No offense to Lieutenant Tao’s technical skills, but we’re a little better equipped in Criminal Intelligence. Besides, you guys going down there and asking questions would raise a lot more red flags with our perpetrator than me doing some delicate digging.” 

Sharon bit back a sarcastic remark, resenting his insinuation that her people were incapable of doing low profile inquiries. From the looks of it, her team was doing the same, and she was grateful that they were successful. The last thing she needed was a turf war with Mason and his unit. It was a miracle that he shared his information, anyway. 

“I take it that you found something,” Provenza prodded, leaning over his desk to get a look at the files. 

“I did,” the younger man confirmed. “The computer from which the emails have been sent belongs to Sergeant Juan Mendez, a veteran member of the narcotics division. I understand that you’re familiar with the man?” 

The Commander addressed both Raydor and Flynn, taking her narrowed eyes and the way she drew her lips into a thin line, and the Lieutenants exasperated sigh and eye roll as confirmation. Mendez’ file documented an impressive history of disciplinary problems, many of which involved Flynn in some way, and even more of them having been dealt with by Raydor. It did not take a great deal of imagination to think that the Sergeant might hold a grudge against one or both of them. 

As Mason studied the reactions of the people around him, he saw that they had all jumped to the same conclusion. Mendez had been around almost as long as Lieutenant Flynn, making him somewhat notorious among his fellow officers, mostly due to his bad temper and perpetually foul mood. There were few people within the department who had not at some point found themselves at the business end of one of the Sergeant’s rants or even his fists. 

“Yes, that was my first reaction, as well,” Mason said of Nolan’s almost enthusiastic acceptance of their new suspect and his possible motive. “However, when I pulled his key card records, it turned out that he was not in the building during the times that any of the emails were sent. Surveillance footage confirms the movement his key card indicated. It shows him leaving at least half an hour ahead of any of the instances in question.” 

He gave them a moment to digest that information, studying the way they communicated effortlessly with nothing but their eyes. He was looking at one hell of a team, and he sincerely hoped that, once they put this regrettable case to rest, they could all go back to normal. 

With the scandal around Captain Raydor, it was pretty clear that she would not be getting Taylor’s old job. It did not matter how long ago her affair with Flynn had been or that it had never impacted their jobs. It did not matter that the Chief of Police himself had made many questionable decisions in his personal life. Those images were out there, and they would dominate the public narrative for a long time if Raydor got the promotion. It was unlikely that anyone would talk about her actions as Assistant Chief. They would focus on her past, and it would taint the image of the office and the department. Neither Pope nor the Mayor would risk that, and everyone in the Murder Room knew it. Mason was able to sense their unease, and he did not blame them. With Raydor out of the race, most people thought that Davis would get the job. She had the higher rank, experience, and seniority, and she was a woman. The thought of Davis as their new boss hung over the division like a dark shadow, as they were almost certain that things would change for them, and that they would not like it. There was something about the case that they were not aware of, however. 

“So someone else used Mendez’ computer while he wasn’t there.” Buzz looked at no one in particular as he thought aloud, but Mike picked up his cue. 

“The question is, did he forget to log out when he left or did someone know his password? I doubt that anyone would risk hacking into an LAPD computer. Not from inside, anyway. It would take –“ 

Provenza interrupted the younger Lieutenant before he could go off on another long-winded explanation that no one wanted to hear. 

“Maybe he kept his password somewhere at his desk,” he mused, thinking about the annoying fact that they had to change passwords every other month and how hard it was to remember the current one. That was why he carried a small piece of paper with that information in his wallet. He was not stupid enough to keep that in his desk drawer, but he figured that Mendez might be. 

Buzz, Tao, Amy, and Nolan seemed scandalized by the notion, but the others nodded, agreeing with Provenza’s idea. 

“Yes, that’s possible, and it is something the Sergeant will be asked about first thing tomorrow morning,” Mason informed them. “Figuring out how the person gained access to the computer might help us make our case.” 

He had to fight a smile when he thought about revealing the next piece of the puzzle to the detectives in front of him. It was not really something to be happy about, but he would be lying if he denied feeling a certain sense of satisfaction. 

“While I was looking into the access logs, I noticed something very interesting. I compared the names of the officers who were present in that part of the building during the times in question, and apart from two supporting officers who just made it out of patrol a few weeks ago, no name appeared all four times. Except one.” 

That got their attention. The Commander looked into the faces of the people who stared at him, waiting impatiently for him to drop the clue. Even the most seasoned among them were eager to pounce on whatever he would tell them, ready to jump into action. The weariness he had detected upon entering the room was suddenly gone, and the air was crackling with energy. He locked eyes with their commanding officer as he drew out the suspense for another beat. Their shocked gasps and wide eyes upon finally hearing him utter the name were no surprise at all.

 

**~TBC~**


	8. Chapter 8

 

Maybe she should have expected it. Over the last months, while she had struggled to put her life back together in the wake of Jack’s latest, most disastrous departure, Andy had been her rock. Not once had he questioned her when she showed up late at night, asking him to hold her or to distract her. He had been there. He had given of himself without asking anything in return. Whenever she mentioned feeling bad about leaning on him so much when there was nothing she could give him in return, he would simply smile at her and tell her that she gave him more than enough. She pretended that she did not know what he meant, and he only shook his head and kissed her when she asked him to clarify, but deep down, Sharon sensed what he was talking about. It scared her. 

She had not wanted to see it. None of it. Not his budding feelings for her, nor hers for him, and least of all the fact that, beneath all of that, Andy Flynn was an alcoholic. She knew, of course, that he drank too much occasionally. She had seen him intoxicated too many times to deny it. And yet, she had somehow managed to push the reality of it out of her mind. When she looked at him, even when he had a drink in his hand, she only saw him. There was none of that nagging sense of apprehension she always felt when Jack drank. Andy was different. That’s what she told herself. Until, one day, he showed up at her door late at night, almost too drunk to stand. 

The kids had gone to bed hours ago, and Sharon was just about to crawl under her own covers when someone knocked on the front door. For a split second, she considered ignoring whoever it was, but the quiet knock turned into louder pounding, and she did not want her children to be woken up. 

Tugging her robe off the bench at the foot end of her bed, she struggled into it on her way down the stairs, cursing under her breath when her bare feet touched the cold hardwood floor of the downstairs hallway. She was thinking of her warm, soft bed with the fresh sheets that smelled of detergent and fabric softener when she ripped open the door, glaring at the person who dared disturb her at that time of night. 

She half expected to find a drunk man on her doorstep, but she had not imagined that it would be Andy who was leaning against the wall beside the door with one hand, holding onto it to keep from falling. It took her a moment to comprehend the situation, but when it finally sank in, she felt her stomach clench and her throat close up. She swallowed hard, struggling to control her initial angry reaction that was the result of too many nights like this when she had found her husband in the same position. Instead, she stepped aside, opening the door wider to allow Andy to enter. 

He was unsteady on his feet as he stepped into the foyer, reaching out for the hallway table to steady himself. Sharon closed the door behind him and drew a deep, calming breath before she turned to follow him, taking hold of his arm with both hands to make sure he would not stumble into the furniture and wake her children with the noise. 

They carefully made their way into the living room, and Sharon sighed in relief when she deposited him on the sofa. She left him there to retrieve a bottle of water and a some aspirin from the kitchen, taking an extra moment to calm herself. Hands braced on either side of the sink, she stared out into the backyard, taking deep, measured breaths until she felt the anger recede a little. The years of dealing with Jack had taught her that anger would not accomplish anything, except make them argue. It would not help either of them. 

While the need to yell at him had subsided, the pain in her chest remained, and it took her a while to figure out what it meant. When she realized what she would have to do, Sharon closed her eyes tightly against the sting of tears and drew a shuddering breath. It hurt to even think about it, but there was only one path ahead of her, and she had to take it, if not for her own sake, then at the very least in order to protect her children. She had been blind to his problem for too long, and it was way past time that she stopped pretending that it had no impact on her life. 

Shaking two pills into her hand, she put the bottle back into the cupboard above the stove, grabbed the water, and walked out of the kitchen to join Andy in the living room, hoping that he had not fallen asleep yet. 

When she stood in front of him, he blinked up at her, taking a moment to comprehend what was happening as she wordlessly held out the water bottle and her upturned hand with the two pills resting in her palm. He eventually took both, swallowing the painkillers and chasing them down with a few sips of water. 

He frowned when Sharon sat down at the other end of the sofa from him instead of leaning into his side and tugging his arm around her shoulder. He wanted to be close to her, to run his hands all over her body, and taste her skin. She was beautiful in her pale pink satin robe and the white nightgown he could see underneath. He longed to let his fingers trail all the way up her long, shapely legs, from her ankles over her calves and the sensitive backs of her knees to the inside of her thighs. He wanted to push the fabric that had ridden up to mid-thigh when she curled her legs underneath herself farther up until he was able to determine if she wore anything beneath her night clothes. He licked his lips as he thought about gently pushing her legs apart and settling between them to let his tongue run through her curls. He wanted to get lost in the heady scent of her desire, to let the strong, salty flavor of her juices overpower him. He longed to feel her walls twitch and pulse around his fingers as he moved them inside her moist heat, and he wished to watch her writhe and moan in pleasure. 

When he reached out and brushed his fingers over her knee, she very deliberately removed his hand and placed it on the cushion between them. If she had not been so put out with him, she might have found his lost puppy look adorable, but at that moment, she failed to see the past the glassy eyes and the way he precariously tilted to one side where he was slouched on her couch. 

Not one to give up easily, Andy slowly leaned over towards her, but before he was able to get close enough to kiss her, Sharon got up. Her arms crossed over her chest, she watched as he collapsed face first onto the seat she had just vacated. When he struggled to sit up again, she turned and took a blanket off the back of one of the armchairs. She hugged it to her chest as she looked down at him with a sad shake of her head. Once he was upright again, she wordlessly handed him the blanket and turned to go back upstairs.

“Hey, where are you going?” 

His speech was not slurred, but he spoke slowly, obviously putting a lot of effort into forming the words. With a deep sigh, she faced him again, her lips curling downward in displeasure. 

“It is late. I am going to bed,” she informed him coldly. When he struggled to his feet to follow her, she held up her hand. “Don’t bother getting up. You are staying on the couch.” 

“What? Sharon!” he protested, throwing his hands up in the air and promptly losing his balance. He fell back onto the couch with a curse and a frustrated huff, twisting around to follow her retreating form with his eyes. 

She turned towards him once more, her mouth opening to reply to his plea when footsteps on the stairs drew their attention. A moment later, a bleary eyed Emily stumbled into the room, her face lighting up for a split second when she saw the man on the sofa. The moment she recognized him, however, her shoulders slumped and the smile that had appeared when she first laid eyes on him vanished once more. 

“Oh, it’s you,” she said, her tone disappointed. Looking from the unwelcome visitor to the floor at her feet, she added, “I thought it might be…” Her words trailed off, hitching a little at the end. 

Sharon closed the distance between them and drew her daughter into her side, an arm draped over the girl’s shoulder. It was not hard to guess who Emily might have hoped to find when the voices had drawn her downstairs. She missed her father terribly. Whenever the phone rang, she ran to pick it up, hoping that it would be Jack, and ending up being disappointed every single time. Sharon had tried to explain to her that he might not come back, but the girl did not want to hear it. She was convinced that her daddy had not forgotten them and that he would be back very soon. 

That was why she disliked Andy so much. While Sharon tried to keep her love life away from her children as much as possible, they had occasionally met the man who had become more and more important to her over the past year. Ricky liked the older man, having enjoyed the few times they had played ball together in the backyard. Her boy did not have as many memories of his father, and those that he did have were not all that good. He mostly remembered the years when she and her husband had already been at odds, when Jack had come home drunk or not at all, when they had fought late at night, after the kids were in bed. Ricky did not feel the need to defend his father’s place in their lives. He was just happy to have someone tumble around in the grass with him. 

Emily, on the other hand, had always been her daddy’s little princess. The thought that her mother might be replacing her father frightened her and made her lash out at the intruder. She always managed to skirt the edge of impolite in her interactions with Andy, but the girl made her dislike of the man known. Sharon had tried to explain to her that Andy was a friend and that he would never replace her father, but her daughter refused to give him a chance. She was a smart child, and while she might not completely understand what was going on between her mother and her _friend_ , she instinctually perceived his presence as a threat, and she did not like it. 

Usually, Sharon would have reminded her daughter to display some basic civility towards their guest, but at that moment, she did not feel particularly civil towards the man on her sofa, either. Instead, she planted a kiss into the girls dark, unruly curls and gently pushed her towards the stairs. 

“Go back to bed, honey. I’ll be up in a moment to tuck you in, okay?” 

Emily looked up at her mother, her eyes shining with unshed tears, almost ready to protest. When Sharon raised a warning eyebrow, she nodded and slowly retreated back upstairs. 

Sharon turned back to face Andy, who was sitting at the edge of the sofa, his elbows braced on his knees and his face buried in his hands. There was a lot she wanted to say to him, and it was tempting to throw it all at him right at that moment, but he was hardly in any shape for a rational discussion, and she was too angry to make sure that she would not yell at him. She had done enough of that when her husband had still been part of her life, and she was tired of it. 

While she was still debating whether to stay or retreat, Andy had gotten up, his hands nervously sliding up and down his thighs, and his head hanging in defeat. 

“Look, I’m sorry for showing up like this. It was a stupid idea. I’m just gonna go and get out of your hair.” 

He spoke quietly, looking up without meeting her gaze, his eyes nervously flitting around the room. He felt like an idiot. They had celebrated the birth of Martinez’ son with a few guys from the station and a couple of drinks had turned into a little more until the bartender had tossed them out as he closed. Andy had not planned to go to Sharon’s place. He had not thought much at all when he had crawled behind the wheel of his car. All that had been on his mind at the time was a few hours of sleep in a comfortable bed. Somehow he had ended up in front of Sharon’s door instead of his own, and for a little while the idea of snuggling up against her had sounded pretty damn great in his mind.

It was not her icy attitude upon finding him drunk on her doorstep that had him realize what a stupid move it was to drop by her place. It was the disappointment in Emily’s eyes when she realized that the drunk asshole on their couch was not her father. Andy had witnessed what kind of hell Jack had put Sharon through. He had seen how her husband’s addiction had broken her heart, and he knew what it had done to their children. And here he was, bringing his own drunk ass into their lives. 

Sharon reached out to curl her hand around his arm when he walked past her, making him stop. Her fingers were warm where they gently dug into the skin at his wrist, and he wished she would keep touching him, but after a brief moment, she drew away from him again. 

“Andy, you can’t drive like this,” she protested. She had seen his car in the driveway when she had let him in earlier, and thinking about him behind the wheel in his state made her stomach turn. 

“Stay. Sleep for a few hours and we will talk tomorrow, okay?” When he did not reply immediately, she placed a hand under his chin, turning his face towards her and seeking out his eyes. 

“Promise me that you will not drive again tonight.” 

She stared at him until he reluctantly nodded, averting his gaze when it became too hard to see the disappointment in her eyes. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

He wanted to take her hand in his, to run his fingers through her tousled hair, to draw her slight body against his and hold her close until her sadness and tension melted away. He wanted to kick himself for hurting her, but before he was able to do any of those things, she stepped away and walked towards the hallway. 

“Sharon,” he called after her quietly, not wanting her to leave. He should apologize, promise to be better, to make it up to her. Instead, he simply thanked her for letting him stay, feeling his heart clench in his chest when she merely slowed down for a couple of steps, not quite pausing in her retreat. He saw her shoulders rise and fall with a deep, shuddering breath, before she continued up the stairs, a barely audible _good night_ her only response. 

Switching off the light, he slumped back onto the sofa, slowly stretching his body out and covering himself with the blanket she had given him. He buried his nose in the soft fabric, inhaling deeply. It smelled of Sharon. A mix of her perfume, her shampoo, and the comforting scent of her skin. It made him yearn for her body curled against his even more, and he started to think about ways to make it up to her. He was still going through and discarding options when he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 

Sharon hardly slept at all that night, tossing and turning as she thought about the man downstairs. She was angry with him for showing up drunk, for not being strong enough to fight his addiction. But mostly she was angry at herself for refusing to see it for so long. His problems had not materialized over night. They had been there from the very beginning. Sandra had tossed him out because of his drinking, and more than once Sharon had considered talking to him about cutting back. They had sat down together many times, discussing their issues over drinks. In fact, the entire thing they had going between them had started because they were both drunk enough to have sex in her car. Instead of confronting him or pulling away right at the beginning of their little affair, she had buried her head in the sand until it was too late.

For most of the night, Sharon had agonized over how to proceed. There was only one logical thing to do, and had this happened a year or two earlier, she would not have hesitated to do it, but logic had very little to do with it anymore. At some point over the past few years of their acquaintance, her fondness for a goofy soccer dad had developed into more than she was ready to admit to. 

She got up with the first rays of the rising sun, exchanging her nightgown for a pair of sweat pants, a baggy, old t-shirt, and a cardigan. She tied her hair back into a messy bun and splashed some water into her face, before she quietly made her way downstairs. It would be at least an hour before her children would start to stir, and she wanted her discussion with Andy to be dealt with before then.

It did not surprise her that he was still asleep when she walked into the living room. He was on his back, snoring softly, one arm hanging over the side of the sofa, and his bare feet sticking out from underneath the blanket. His other arm was curled around a pillow, hugging it to his chest, his fingers digging into the soft fabric. 

Tearing her eyes away from him, Sharon went into the kitchen to get him some more water and painkillers, convinced that he would need them. She returned to the living room and quietly sat down on the coffee table, taking a moment to study his face, before she reached out to caress his cheek with the back of her fingers. His skin was prickly with the dark stubble that had made an appearance over night, and she drew a breath when he turned his face into her touch, nuzzling the palm of her hand as he slowly woke up. She was tempted to lean over him and let her lips brush against his until he was conscious enough to reciprocate. The strong smell of stale alcohol that emanated from his prone form made her keep her distance, however. 

When his eyelids fluttered open, Sharon withdrew her hand and straightened her shoulders a little, folding both hands in her lap as she waited for him to sit up. He winced against the bright morning light that illuminated the room, hissing in pain and rubbing his temples as he moved into an upright position. 

He thanked her quietly when she gave him the painkillers and the bottle of water and downed both. He turned the bottle between his hands, staring down at it as an uncomfortable silence stretched between them. It was Sharon who finally broke it, deciding to speak before Andy was able to say something and possibly change her mind. 

“I can’t do this, Andy,” she told him quietly, studying a small, crumbled piece of paper that she kept folding and unfolding nervously. “I’ve been through this before, and it nearly destroyed me. But more importantly, it hurt my children, and I cannot put them through this again.” 

She handed him the note, giving him a moment to read the information she had written on it earlier before she began to explain. 

“This is a good program. They offer different options, but their 90 day inpatient treatment has a high success rate. If you talk to your captain, he’ll make sure you get the time off and you’ll have your job waiting for you when you come back.” 

It was a rehabilitation facility that IA liked to work with. They specialized in treating law enforcement and military personnel and their rates were lower than those of most other centers of the same quality. Jack had gone there twice, as well, but had not had the patience to go through with the entire 90 days. He had believed to be cured and had not seen the need to continue. It was no surprise that his success had not lasted long. She sincerely hoped that Andy would be able to make it work. 

He finally looked up from where his hands still clutched both the paper and the water bottle. His eyes were filled with pain and uncertainty, and it made her heart clench. 

“What is it you’re saying here, Sharon?” 

He was scared. For the first time in several years he truly feared another person’s words. He should have known that this moment would come. He had been there before, when his ex-wife had given him two hours to pack his bags and leave their house years ago. It should not have surprised him that Sharon would eventually do the same. She did not have to untangle their lives or get rid of his stuff. There was no paperwork for her to take care of, and she did not have to worry about when and if he would be allowed to see their children. She also did not yell. That simply was not her style. Sharon was quiet and gentle about it, attempting to help him even while she was pushing him away. He should be grateful for that, but it only made it harder to face the inevitable. 

“I’m sorry, Andy.” 

There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, and he wanted to reach out to her, to hold her close and promise her that everything would be all right, but as much as he did not want to face it, he knew that that would be a lie. 

“I fought this battle more times than I care to admit, and I simply have nothing left to give. Maybe if it were just myself, but I have to think about my children. You’re already more present in their lives than I ever intended, and I can’t let them watch you go down the same road as their father.” 

There were so many more things she wanted to tell him, promises she wanted to make, but she left all of it unspoken. It would not be fair to either one of them to make promises she would not be able to keep in the end. 

Andy swallowed hard, feeling as if she had just yanked the rug out from underneath his feet. 

“If I do this and make it out on the other side, what then?” 

Sharon knew what he was asking. He wanted her to promise him that she would be waiting for him, that they would pick up where they had left off once he came back from rehab, but that was one of the promises she would not be able to make, no matter how much she might want to. 

“You can’t do this for me, Andy. If you want this to work, you have to do it for yourself. Do it for your children, but not to please me.” 

Andy snorted when she mentioned his children. They did not want to see him. It had been made clear to him by both his ex-wife and the kids that he was not welcome in their lives, so what would they care if he drank himself into an early grave? 

Laying a gentle hand on his knee, Sharon waited for him to look at her. When she had his eyes, she gave him a kind smile, her voice full of confidence when she continued to speak. 

“They need you. I know that they walked away from you, but one day, they will turn around and realize that they need their father in their lives. You cannot force them to do that or decide when that is going to happen. What you can do is make sure that, when it happens, they will see someone they can rely on, someone they can trust.” 

He wanted to believe her. He wanted nothing more than for his children to love him and to need him. Maybe Sharon was right and that day would come, but he did not have as much confidence in that as she seemed to have. 

“Maybe one day you’ll look at me and see someone you can trust again, too.” 

It was more of a question than anything else. He did not dare hope that she would ever look at him like that again. She had been through too much with her husband. Asking her to put her faith in another addict simply would not be fair. 

“Andy, please,” she whispered, shaking her head. Why did he have to make it so hard? Why did she want to hold on to him so much? Letting him go to face his demons on his own was one of the hardest things she had ever done. He had been with her through the worst time of her life, and she was sending him away when he needed her most. It made her feel horrible and selfish, as if she had used him and was tossing him away now that he was broken. 

The truth was, however, that there was nothing she could do for him. He needed to walk this path alone, to fight this battle for the right reasons, not to make her happy. That was what Jack had done time and again, and it had never lasted. She wanted Andy to succeed, to truly recover, and for that, she needed to let him go. 

Andy sighed, closing his eyes briefly as he drew a deep, calming breath. He rose from the couch, waiting for her before he walked to the front door, swallowing hard to keep the tears down. He wouldn’t cry in front of her. That was not the way he wanted her to remember him. They stood in the open door, facing one another, her hand caressing his arm as they stared at one another. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Sharon.” His voice was deep and raspy, close to breaking. 

She hugged him tightly, her lips moving against his ear. “You can do it. I believe in you.” 

She sounded so convinced, so full of confidence in his strength, and he wanted to hold on to that. He wanted to hold on to her, even though he knew that she would not allow that. 

“Sharon, I…” 

She pushed back quickly and placed her fingers over his lips, shaking her head. 

“Please don’t.” 

She had a feeling that she knew what he was about to say, and she could not allow him to say it. Her resolve was already too close to crumbling. Too often had she surrendered to her husbands sweet words of love when she should have kept pushing, and she refused to make the same mistake again. Placing a lingering, tender kiss on the corner of his mouth, she stepped away from him and watched as he reluctantly turned around and walked away. 

Sharon watched as he climbed into his car, waving at her before he started it. His sad gaze lingered on her as he backed out of her driveway, only torn away when he turned onto the quiet street. 

Once his car was out of sight, she stepped back inside and closed the door. The tears that she had fought all morning finally fell unhindered as she leaned her back against the door and buried her face in her hands. He had not even been gone for a minute, and she already missed him. All that was left for her to do was pray for him and hope that he would succeed. 

She did not know that Andy did not go straight home after he left her place that morning. She did not know that he made a stop at a liquor store and that he spent most of the day on his sofa, going through a bottle of bourbon, nor was she aware of the fact that he had not stopped drinking for two full days following their talk. 

All Sharon heard was that, a week after he had shown up at her door, Andy had taken some time off. The next time she saw him, almost six months later, he looked healthier than she had seen him in years. When he excused himself after they exchanged a few friendly if awkward words, she smiled. He had to go, or he would be late for his meeting. She was happy for him.

 

**~TBC~**

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

_Deputy Chief Winnie Davis._

Sharon had not expected that. Andy had cautioned her not to discard the woman as a possible suspect right away, but she had not wanted to consider it. The reactions of her team to the news were mixed. Provenza and Amy did not appear to be too shocked, and neither did Nolan. It was no secret that the two men had no warm feelings towards the Deputy Chief. That Amy had seriously thought about Davis as a possibility surprised Sharon a little. The young woman was painfully naïve sometimes, but other times her cynicism was startling.

Buzz stared at Commander Mason with wide eyed shock, while Julio scowled angrily, and Mike shook his head in dismay. It was never pleasant to find out that someone who was supposed to be on their side was, in fact, not. When she finally looked at Andy, he simply raised an eyebrow. His wordless _I told you so_ could not have been clearer if he had yelled it at her. There was no satisfaction in his expression, however. He gleaned no pleasure from being right. Not this time. 

“Okay,” Sharon began, trying to make sense of the new information, “but the fact that Deputy Chief Davis was in the room when those emails were sent does not necessarily mean that she is guilty. We can’t even tell for sure if she was in the Narcotics bullpen or in one of the offices or conference rooms in that part of the building. This is not even enough evidence to get her into an interview room.” 

They were not dealing with some inept criminal. Winnie Davies knew the system just as well as they did. There was no way they would be able to scare her into making a deal. The woman would know that the keypad logs alone were at best circumstantial evidence. Without a witness or something tying her, without a doubt, to the deed, she was safe.

“You’re right, Captain.” Mason agreed as he pulled a small stack of paper out of his folder and placed it on the table, smirking when the detectives surrounding it immediately dove into the new evidence. “That’s why I took the liberty of doing some more digging. Since it is highly unlikely that this case will ever see the inside of a courtroom, these things are a little easier.” 

He did not go into detail about all the corners he had cut while gathering the information he needed. It would do no good to get the LAPD’s walking rulebook started on all the things he was not supposed to do. Most people within the department had issues with the way Criminal Intelligence handled certain things, and Captain Raydor was most certainly one of them, even though they did have a great deal of respect for one another. It helped that it was no longer her job to investigate fellow officers’ professional conduct. 

Sharon frowned at the younger man’s words. She had the distinct feeling that she would not like whatever he had done to _make things easier_. She was just about to question him on that, when he gave her a knowing smile. 

“Don’t worry, Captain. This time, it’s all cleared with your special friends from Internal Affairs. Since this case now involves the misconduct of an LAPD officer, it’s officially their case. Commander Richardson and I discussed the matter with Chief Pope this morning, and he agreed that a member of his Criminal Investigations division would take the lead, but your team would get to work with them. He suggested Lieutenant Sarah McCarthy. She has guts and wasn’t around when you were head of FID, so it should be less awkward for both of you.” 

Quiet grumbles could be heard from some of her people, most noticeably Lieutenant Provenza. They did not want Internal Affairs sniffing around in their Murder Room, nor did they like the idea of handing over even more details of the case to people outside their division. She definitely shared the latter objection. Mason had a point, though. Davis’ involvement made it an Internal Affairs case, and they were lucky that they were still allowed to be a part of it. 

For Andy, the matter seemed to be settled already. He looked up from several pages of phone records he held in his hands, a frown on his face as he prodded the Commander to continue with the briefing. 

“So what did you find? I assume these are Chief Davis’ phone records?” 

The detailed list of phone numbers he had studied a moment earlier was not very helpful without names to go with the numbers. Several calls were marked, however, and they were all to the same person. He wondered if that might be the editor of that disgusting website, but he doubted that Davis would be stupid enough to call him from her phone when she had gone to the trouble of finding another computer to send the files from. Besides, the guy had said that he had never spoken to the person who sent him the material. 

The Commander nodded. “Yes, that’s right. The calls that caught my interest are to the cell phone of a person you’re all familiar with.” 

He gave Sharon a long look, his head tilting a little bit to the side. “Captain, do you have any idea what reason Deputy Chief Davis might have for communicating with your ex-husband?” 

The pieces suddenly started fitting together. There were still some missing, like how did Jack and Davis know one another, but that was something they would figure out with a little more effort. 

“Apart from professional reasons, I cannot think of any.” 

She frowned slightly as she mulled over possible connections. She was unable to recall that Jack had ever mentioned knowing Davis, but they had not talked much lately. Not since the divorce had been finalized. 

Andy quickly walked over to his desk and retrieved a couple of sheets from the large stack that sat in its center before he returned to the group. He briefly tracked the writing with his eyes, searching for the information he needed. 

“Okay, so our records show that Jack represented two of Davis’ suspects in the last two years. The last one was six months ago. Those phone records show that they started calling each other a little after that.” 

He looked up at the others and back down at his list, rubbing at his upper lip as he thought about that. 

“It doesn’t make a lot of sense that they would be talking about a case for such a long time. I’ll see if I can find out what it was about.” 

He nodded in thanks when Amy vacated her chair and indicated for her older colleague to use her computer so it would be easier for him to follow the conversation while he worked. 

“Is anyone else wondering why they would talk on their cell phones about a case?” Buzz shrugged when everyone’s eyes focused on him. 

“Buzz has a point,” Sharon agreed. “There is no reason to give your personal phone number to a defense attorney.” 

Her team and Commander Mason nodded. It simply was not done. That was what their office phones were for. Lawyers were annoying enough without having them call your cell phone at all times of the day – and night. 

“It definitely indicates a more personal relationship, but it does not prove anything, yet,” Mason cautioned. “We’ll need more to establish a closer relationship between them. Any ideas?” 

Sharon heaved a deep sigh, seeing another night of very little sleep ahead of her. If she could unearth a little more evidence before her chat with her ex-husband, it would be worth it. 

“Andy, how do you feel about taking me out tonight?” 

She gave her fiancé a sweet smile that widened as she waited for him to understand what she was planning. 

“Sure, why not,” he finally answered with a grin. 

Focusing on the puzzled expressions that met their exchange, Sharon elaborated. 

“Jack has a few bars that he likes to frequent. If he met with Chief Davis outside of the office, it is possible that they visited one of those places. It is worth checking if someone saw them together.” 

She did not mention that she was on a first name basis with quite a few of the more regular bartenders at those places and that they probably still had her number from all the times they had called her to pick up her drunk husband over the years. 

They decided that Mason and Lieutenant McCarthy would continue to follow up on electronic and financial leads connecting Deputy Chief Davis and Jack while Sharon and Andy would see if some of her ex-husband’s bar buddies had seen them together. The rest of the team would go home and get some sleep. The following day would be another long and exhausting one, and at least some of them should be well rested. 

The first bar they hit was close to LAPD headquarters. It was one of those places crawling with all sorts of law enforcement community people. They did not expect that Jack and Davis would have met there, but they did not want to miss anything. As expected, no one had seen Jack in a while, and they escaped before anyone they knew would drag them into a lengthy conversation. 

They stopped by three other bars, each of them in the vicinity of City Hall. Jack had recently been in one, but the bartender was convinced that Winnie Davis had not been among the group of people who had been with him. It was not always as easy to avoid old acquaintances as it had been at the first bar, and Sharon and Andy spent a lot more time on their mission than they had intended. 

It was in an Irish pub in West Hollywood that they finally found what they were looking for. The bartender was an elderly man, who had served in Vietnam and inherited the establishment from his uncle upon his return. He had spent the years since then serving drinks and listening to the sad tales of his patrons. Sharon knew Sam from years ago, when Jack had been one of the people who had held on to the weathered bar while they talked about all the ways in which life was unfair.

Sometimes, when Jack was passed out in a corner somewhere and Sharon did not have her sleeping children in the car or at home with a babysitter who needed to be relieved, she sat down for a moment and talked to the friendly man. He had always been a little bit like a father to her. It had been Sam who had helped her realize that Jack’s frequent benders were not normal, that it was not something she would be able to handle on her own. He had gently led her to realize that she deserved better than a husband who was drunk more than he was sober. 

It had been a hard lesson for her to learn. She had grown up in a loving home, but her family was very traditional. It was a wife’s obligation to support her husband, no matter what, to be by his side even when the going got tough. For a long time, she had seen Jack’s weakness as her own failure as a wife. It was laughable from where she stood now, but back then, as a young, naïve woman with a head full of dreams and unrealistic expectations, it had been the logical conclusion. 

All the women in her family had been at home, taking care of their families instead of pursuing their own careers. They had devoted all their time and energy to being good wives and mothers, and their reactions to Sharon’s decision to try and have it all had been mixed. Times had already been changing when Sharon had Emily, but it was still unusual for a woman to keep working with a child at home. She had felt guilty for many years for not having tried hard enough to be what she was supposed to be. Sam had been one of the few people who had known how bad things were, and he had done his best to help her do what was best for her children and herself. 

When she saw the happiness light up her old friend’s weary expression as they stepped into the dimly lit bar, Sharon felt bad for not having been in touch more regularly. Sam looked older than she remembered, moving slowly around the bar to greet her with a hug. The once sturdy man was frail, and the full head of salt and pepper hair she remembered had grayed and thinned out considerably. 

“Look who remembered how to get to this part of town, after all!” 

He pulled out of the embrace, holding her at a slight distance to study her closely, a tender smile stretching his thin lips. 

“You’re looking good, kid,” he added as he finally let go of her to step back around the bar to offer them drinks. 

Since it was very late and they had no idea how long they would have to keep going, the two detectives gladly took him up on his offer, asking for two cups of coffee. Sharon remembered Sam’s coffee to be incredibly strong, the kind of brew that stripped the lining off your stomach. It was exactly what they needed. 

“I was just thinking about you the other day,” Sam went on as he prepared their beverages.

“Oh? Why is that?” Sharon was a little surprised, since they had not talked in years. 

When Sam hesitated a little, giving her a strange look before he answered, she suspected what, or rather who, might have prompted those thoughts. 

“Jack’s been by quite a bit lately.” 

He handed them their cups, pushing a sugar bowl closer to Sharon. He smiled when she ignored it, taking a careful sip of the strong liquid. He used to make fun of her for the amount of sugar she dumped into her coffee. She had tried to convince him that it was only because he made it too strong, but he was not sure if he believed her. Maybe she had finally grown up where her coffee drinking habits were concerned. God knew she had done her share of growing up since he had met the young, wide-eyed girl who had tried to wrestle her drunk husband into her car, stubbornly refusing help. He was proud of the woman she had become.

His words prompted an eyebrow raised in interest from both Sharon and her companion. It took a little while for her to catch on to the pointed look he gave her. When she did, she blushed a pretty shade of pink, making him laugh at her. 

“I am so sorry, Sam. My only excuse for my bad manners is the late hour and the fact that we have been working all day. Allow me to introduce Andy Flynn, my fiancé. Andy, Sam Campbell.” 

It was still impossible for her to suppress the grin when she introduced Andy as her fiancé. It only grew bigger when she saw the surprise and happiness in Sam’s eyes. He studied the younger man for a long moment and nodded in approval when Andy held his gaze, not flinching under the intense scrutiny. By now, he was probably used to it from the men in her life, and if it were any less ridiculous, she would be mad at all of them for assuming that she needed them to approve of the man she intended to marry. As it was, it made her laugh – for the most part. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Andy.” 

The two men shook hands and exchanged a few pleasantries, all the while eyeing one another in a way that indicated a completely different conversation happening silently, one that Sharon decided to ignore, because she did not feel like having a discussion about her ability to look after herself. Instead, she decided to cut to the reason for their presence. 

“Andy and I also work together, which is actually why we are here tonight.” 

She hated to be responsible for the darkening of Sam’s expression, for the sad slump of his shoulders. He had hoped that she came to visit an old friend, and she vowed to herself that she would try to stop by again soon to do just that. The past few months had made her realize how short life could be and how precious the people who shared it with her were. She had allowed her work to take away too much time for those who were important to her, and she intended to change that. 

“You mentioned that you saw Jack recently. Can you tell us when that was and if he was alone?” Andy had decided to help her steer the conversation towards work. 

As before, the topic seemed to make Sam uncomfortable, and he cast careful glances at Sharon as he spoke. 

“Yeah. Hadn’t seen the guy in years and then, a few months ago, he starts hanging out here again. He was talking a lot at first. You know the story. Life is hard, the boss is a pain in the ass.” He hesitated a little before he went on, refusing to look Sharon in the eyes. “The wife divorcing him, the ex hooking up with another guy.” 

Andy nodded. Yes, he knew that story. All too often it had been him telling it to some underpaid bartender. He was also familiar with the way Jack spoke about Sharon when he was drunk, and he flinched as he remembered all the angry rants he had listened to over the years, back when the two men had still hung out together. It filled him with shame that he had encouraged that kind of talk, that he had never thought of objecting when Jack had called his wife a cold-hearted, frigid bitch or other, worse things that he tried hard not to remember. 

“Was he alone?”

It was Sharon who asked, her voice low and her gaze fixed on the cup between her hands. Andy placed his elbow on the back of her barstool, his hand resting between her shoulder blades. Sam studied her for a while, wondering why she kept doing that to herself. The lowlife was no longer her problem. Why did she still care with whom he spent his time? 

He had never wanted to be the one to tell her that her husband was sleeping around, but Sharon was not dumb. She might have been naïve all those years ago when they had first met, but she had never been stupid. She had always been able to tell when Sam had wanted to keep something like that from her, and she had usually extracted at least the basic information from him within moments. He hated to see what it did to her, how the knowledge that her husband was unfaithful broke her heart over and over. At some point, he had asked her if she kept asking about it as a way of punishing herself for something. She had not answered, but the way she had avoided his gaze had told him all he needed to know. 

“At first he was. After a couple of weeks, he started showing up with a woman. Not his usual type, either.”

There was no need to specify what Jack’s usual type was. They all knew he liked them younger, skinny, pretty, and preferably a little on the dumb side. It was the same type of women Andy had gone for before he got to know Sharon. He still liked to look at them sometimes, but after spending more and more time with his Captain, he had figured out that it was great to have shared interests and to talk about things he actually understood and cared about. He no longer found the young ones tempting, and when he looked at his fiancée, when he watched her with their kids or working her way through a case, he did not understand what he saw in them. 

Andy fished the already slightly bent photograph of Winnie Davis out of the inside pocket of his jacket and slid it over the bar, giving the other man a moment to study it. 

“Is that the woman he was with?” 

Sam nodded. 

“Yeah, that’s her. Although she looked a little more… you know… made up? She was hitting on him pretty hard. Had to wear him down a bit, but after a few drinks…” He shrugged, rolling his eyes as he thought about how often he saw that particular kind of behavior. 

“They met several times over the last few months. Seemed pretty close after that first meeting. I wouldn’t call it love, but they certainly were all over each other. I guess they didn’t just see each other here. Looked like it was something more regular between them.” 

Sharon and Andy exchanged a quick glance, both shocked at what they had learned. They had hoped to find someone who had seen Jack and Winnie together, but they had not expected that the two had a relationship. The idea was pretty ridiculous. Winnie Davis was a serious, driven person. That she would consider spending her time with someone like Jack did not fit with what they knew about her. And Jack had always complained about the fact that his ex-wife was no fun at all. Andy would never dream of saying it out loud, but in many ways Sharon and Davis were very similar. Although he had a hard time picturing the other woman snort laughing at one of his bad jokes. He had no idea what Jack saw in the Deputy Chief. 

They asked Sam a few follow up questions and whether or not he would be able to point them towards other patrons that might have seen them together or even overheard some of their conversations. He promised to ask around and give any possible witnesses their number. He cautioned them to not get up their hopes too much, however, since most of the regulars at his establishment came to get drunk, not to pay attention to the people around them. 

After agreeing that they would get together soon to catch up with each other, Sharon and Sam shared a tight hug as they said their goodbyes. The two men shook hands, and the bartender made Andy promise to take good care of _his girl_. 

Their drive home was spent in silence as Sharon stared out of the passenger side window. Andy sensed that something was troubling her, and it was not just the case. He wished she would talk to him right at that moment, that she would share what was on her mind, and he knew that she would eventually, but it killed him to see that dark cloud hovering over her without being able to do anything about it. He was aware, though, that whatever it was, she was working through it and would not appreciate his questions or comments. 

He wanted to reach out to her, to clasp her hand in his until they were home and he would be able to tug her against him and hold her close. She had her arms crossed over her chest, however, signaling very clearly her desire to be left in peace for the time being. Her behavior did not worry him. It was her way of dealing with troubling thoughts. When she was ready, hopefully by the time they got home, she would open up to him and let him help as much as was in his power. In the meantime, he concentrated on traffic and went over the information they had gathered in his head. 

When they got home, Sharon dropped her keys and bag onto the hallway table, shrugged out of her jacket, and exchanged it for the soft cashmere cardigan that was draped over the coat rack. Tugging that around her slight frame, she wordlessly wandered out onto the balcony, not even bothering to switch on the lights. 

Andy let her go. He walked down the hallway towards their bedroom, pulling at his tie to loosen it. Once inside their sanctuary, he got rid of his jacket, badge, and gun. He placed his tie and jacket into the closet and proceeded to undress, hanging his dress pants up neatly and dropping the shirt onto the dry cleaning pile. He pulled down a pair of sweatpants and put them on before he shrugged into an old Dodgers sweater. 

Once he was comfortable, Andy made his way to the kitchen, briefly stopping to inform Rusty that they were back. His door was slightly ajar, indicating that the boy was still awake. He was sitting in bed, his laptop on his legs, and headphones plugged into his ears. Andy’s soft knock had gone unnoticed, and he jumped slightly when the door opened. Rusty barely acknowledged the older man, waving distractedly and nodding when he was informed that he was no longer alone. Andy smiled as the boy went back to whatever he was doing, admiring his determination and focus when it came to his school work. 

Andy busied himself making two cups of tea, determined to give Sharon a few more minutes alone. When he finally joined her outside, two steaming cups of herbal tea in hand, he found her sitting in one of the lounge chairs, her feet on the seat and her arms hugging her legs to her chest. Her chin rested on her knees as she stared out into the night, deep in thought. 

She looked up and gave him a grateful smile when he placed the tea on the table next to her. When he held out his hands, she placed hers in them and allowed him to pull her out of her chair. She stepped aside and waited for him to settle into the seat she had just vacated before she sat in his lap, leaning against his chest. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, and she sighed happily as his warmth seeped through her clothes, making her shiver in delight. 

She loved these quietly intimate moments they shared. Although she enjoyed making love to him just as much as she had twenty years ago, if not more, what made her happiest was being able to simply sit with him like this. It was the knowledge that he understood when she needed time to herself and when she was ready to talk. It was feeling him close, not just physically, but emotionally, as well. It was knowing that he would always support her without trying to take away her independence. 

She was not accustomed to that. Before they had decided to pick up their friendship almost three years ago, it had been decades since she had experienced that kind of emotional backup. Way back when their marriage was still young and untroubled, Jack had been that person for her. He had been her strength and her sounding board. Then she had been forced to learn to live without that. Even when things between her and Andy had begun all those years ago, it had been different. They were friends and they had sex. For a while, it even was a little more than that, but they had never shared everything. They had always held something back, protecting that deepest, most vulnerable part of themselves. That was no longer the case, and it made her heart and soul overflow with joy and gratitude. 

They sipped their tea in silence for a long while, soaking up the peace of simply existing in the same space. When she finally began to speak, her voice was quiet and tinged with sadness, prompting Andy to pull her even closer, tucking her head under his chin as his fingers combed thought her soft curls, gently massaging her scalp. 

“I did not think that I would ever have that conversation with Sam again. You have no idea how many times I had to convince him to tell me about Jack’s escapades.” 

He knew she was fighting against the emotions their bar trips had awakened. There were many demons lurking in the dark shadows of her past, and he was not surprised that some of them were haunting her now. He did not feel threatened by her renewed grief for a marriage that no longer existed. Sometimes, these things simply had to be revisited to put them to rest again. It was with that thought in mind that he drew a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume, and listened to his fiancée recount a part of her past she rarely spoke about.

 

**~TBC~**

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Sharon Raydor had vast experience when it came to picking up the pieces of her shattered life. Her husband had made sure of that. In the wake of Andy’s drunken visit and his subsequent departure from her life, Sharon once again focused all her energy on her children and her work. She volunteered at church, helped out at school functions and sports events, drove her children and their friends back and forth whenever she was able to, and tried her best to keep in touch with the few friends who understood the busy, unpredictable schedule of a cop who raised two children on her own. There was little time left for her to nurse a broken heart, and while she thought about Andy often and prayed for his recovery, she did not allow herself to be consumed by her longing for him. 

It was hardest at night in the darkness of her quiet bedroom, when nothing distracted her mind from remembering the feeling of his body pressed against hers, of his hot breath on her skin as he whispered sweet words into her ear, of having someone beside her who saw _her_ , not the cop or the mother. It was when she was alone, when she finally allowed herself to be still, that she missed hearing his deep, gravelly voice as he told her about his day or told her one of his lame jokes that never failed to make her laugh. It was the companionship that she had found with him that she missed most of all, and on many occasions she wondered if she had done the right thing when she had sent him away. Then she would look at her children and the small ways in which their father’s addiction had scarred them, and she would feel justified in her actions. Her primary responsibility was making sure they were not harmed. 

That was something she had to consider very carefully a few months after Andy had left when, out of the blue, her husband wandered back into her life. Her first instinct was to send him on his way again. He had come and gone so many times over the last several years, and every time he had taken a small part of her with him until she was sure that there was nothing left for him to take. Especially after the last time, when he had left with all their money, she had been convinced that that was it. When it came to Jack Raydor, however, her emotions were a little harder to control that she would like to admit. 

He called her at work one morning, asking her to meet him for dinner. She had been tempted to say no, but he had sounded so genuine when he told her that there were some things he needed to tell her, that he wanted to apologize. It would not be the first time he expressed his profound regret for his behavior, but something in his tone pushed at her resolve. 

When they met at a quiet bistro two days later, she was surprised at how well he looked. He was lean and fit, his skin had a healthy tan, and his eyes were clear, sparkling brightly with happiness when they landed on her. He kissed her politely on the cheek, respectful of her boundaries, before he helped her out of her coat and held her chair for her as she sat down at their corner table. They studied one another quietly for a few long moments after he had slid into his seat across from her, neither one of them knowing how to start their conversation. 

Once they had ordered their drinks, Jack leaned forward a little, his arms resting on the table as he studied her for a moment, a tenderness in his blue eyes that Sharon had not seen in many years. 

“You’re looking great, Sharon,” he finally began. “I missed you.” 

Before Sharon was able to inform him that it was his own fault he had not seen her in over a year, he raised his hands to keep her from saying what he knew to be on the tip of her tongue. 

“I know, I know. I was the one who left, and I’m sorry.” 

He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands that were folded on the table in front of him. “There’s nothing I can say or do to erase the past, but I would like to try to work on a better future, if you let me.” 

There was so much hope in his gaze when he looked up at her. Sharon had a hard time making sense of all her conflicting emotions. Primarily, she wanted to ask him to take his regret and remorse and go back wherever he had been over the last year. Then there was that familiar flutter of hope in her heart that she felt every time Jack came home. Despite everything he had put her through over the years of their marriage, he was still her first real love, the first man to whom she had given her heart and body. He was the man she had sworn in front of God and their families to love and cherish for the rest of their lives, and she had meant it with every fiber of her being. She wanted nothing more than to be able to trust him when he said that he was going to do better, to try harder, but experience had taught her to be cautious. 

She did not know what to tell him. While she was not ready to simply accept his words and resume their life together as if nothing had happened, she also did not wish to discourage him if he was really willing to make some meaningful changes. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jack.” 

He shook his head, giving her a sad smile. 

“I don’t expect you to forget what I did. There’s a lot I’ve got to make up for, and I know it’s not gonna happen over night. I can’t promise you that I won’t make any mistakes anymore, but I can promise to do my best. Things changed over the past year. I think I finally understood that I couldn’t go on like that indefinitely.” 

Jack took a sip from the ice cold water the waitress had placed in front of them. He set it back down on the table, trailing the droplets that ran down its side with his fingers. 

“I went to rehab eight months ago. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been sober ever since. It’s not really such a big deal, yet, but it’s a start, and I’m committed to making it stick this time. I found an AA meeting close to my motel, and I’m working the program. Step nine has been the hardest part so far, but I’ve worked my way through my list. You and the kids are the only ones left.” 

Making amends. So far, that had always been the step that had sent Jack running. That he was sitting in front of her now, willing to face this vital part of his recovery, gave her more hope than she’d had in a long time.

“I’m glad to hear that, Jack,” she said, cautiously keeping her voice neutral. She wanted to encourage him, but she was not yet willing to show him how much she wished he really was serious this time. 

“It will take time to fix this. I can’t just let you walk back into our lives and pick up where we left off a year ago. I want to trust you, but right now I don’t.” 

She sighed when she saw the sadness in his eyes. “The children miss you.” She paused before she added, “I miss you.” 

It was the truth. Even though he had broken her heart and her trust, and even though she had found comfort in the arms of another, she still missed her husband. She loved him. That was not something that could be turned off at the drop of a hat.

 

 

They decided to take it one day at a time. Jack would stay at his hotel for the time being, coming to the house for dinner and to spend time with his family. Sharon did not intend to keep him away from the children, but it was not just her trust that he had to regain. 

Emily was elated to have her father back, and she had given her mother a hard time for not allowing him to come home. Ricky was more cautious. He seemed to be waiting for Jack to leave again, and it broke Sharon’s heart that her little boy was so guarded around his own dad. 

It took over a week for their nightly dinners to lose the awkwardness and tension. Jack had found a job at a small law firm and had managed to reconnect with a few old friends. It gave him things to talk about other than the adventures of his travels, which only led to arguments about why he had left them. 

In the months he had been gone, his family had moved on. They had learned to be without him. Even before that, he had only been a peripheral part of their daily routines. He had been absent for a lot longer than a year. His wife and children had figured out how to make things work on their own. He felt as if they no longer needed him, and that hurt. More than once, he thought about leaving once again. He reasoned that it would be easier for them. He had no business messing with their lives any more than he already had. 

If it had not been for his wife knowing him as well as she did, he might have taken the easy way out, but she had seen it in his eyes. She had noticed when he became uneasy in the face of everything he had missed and the effortless way his wife and children communicated while he was left out. That was not a situation he was comfortable with. He usually was at the center of attention, in the middle of whatever was going on. Sitting on the outside, observing without participating, was not what he was good at. Of course, Sharon knew that, and she had seen him run enough times to recognize the signs. 

One night after dinner, when the kitchen had been cleaned and the children sent to bed, Sharon escorted Jack to the door. Instead of bidding him goodnight with a quick kiss on the cheek, she reached out for his hand, waiting for him to stop and look at her. 

“Come take a walk with me?” she suggested quietly.

He nodded, waiting for her to put on a jacket and grab her keys off the small table in the foyer. They wandered down the quiet street in companionable silence for a while, and he sensed that she was thinking about how to bring up what was on her mind. Over the years of their marriage, Jack had learned to give his wife time to think and let her say whatever it was she needed to say when she was ready. She was not someone who liked to be pushed.

Sharon had a hard time finding a way to put words to the sinking feeling that had settled in her stomach a few days earlier. She knew what it meant. She had watched her husband fidget, she saw him avoid her eyes with increasing frequency. The signs were easily recognizable. He was getting restless again, but this time she was determined to talk to him about his impulse to run away before it was too late. She realized that she was setting herself up to be hurt, to be rejected, and that scared her more than she thought possible. Despite everything that had happened over the last few years, he still had the power to do that, but she hoped that maybe this time, he would choose to work with her to face their problems head on. 

During the last couple of weeks that they had spent together, their physical contact had been limited to quick pats on his arm, a hand trailing over her shoulders in passing, and a quick kiss on the cheek when he left. She showed more affection to her friends than she had to her husband since his return. If she seriously wanted to fix what was broken between them, she would have to show him that there was still something for him to fight for. 

Stepping even closer to him so that their shoulders and arms brushed against one another, she gently tapped his hand before she weaved her fingers through his. She sensed his eyes on her and looked up, giving him a shy smile. 

They kept walking hand in hand, enjoying the closeness that had been missing for too long. “I know this is difficult for you,” Sharon eventually started, her eyes on the pavement in front of her. “It’s going to take time for you to find your way back into our lives. You missed so much.” Feeling him tense beside her, she squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I don’t want to rehash old arguments, Jack, and I don’t want to keep pointing out your mistakes. That’s not going to help anyone. We both did our part to bring us to this point.” When he relaxed slightly once more, she continued. “That does not change the fact that you left. Our lives did not stop while you were gone. We learned to get by without you, and it’s going to take time and effort for you to find your place in this family again and to regain the trust you gambled away.” 

He flinched at the dig at his addiction, as he thought about her words. They had talked about this before, when they had first gotten together two weeks earlier. He knew she had meant every word back then, but he had not imagined that it would be quite as frustrating as it turned out to be. 

“So what is it you’re saying?” He needed to know if there even was a point in all this, if she intended to ever let him come back all the way or if she was trying to prove a point by showing him how much he no longer was a part of his family. 

“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging helplessly. “I want to try again, but I need to know that you’re just as committed to making this work as I am. I don’t want to leave the house in the morning wondering if I will be coming home to another one of your letters. If you can’t love us enough to stay…” She took a deep breath, swallowing past the thick lump in her throat. Until that moment, Sharon had no idea how much she wanted him to stay, and how much she feared that he might not want to. When she went on, her voice was thick with the tears she was holding back. “If you can’t stay, just be honest about it. We will work something out that everyone can live with, but I need you to understand that if you decide to leave, it will be the last time.”

Jack stopped and gently tugged on Sharon’s hand to pull her around to face him. He stepped into her personal space, carefully studying her expression to see if he was overstepping some invisible line. It hurt to see her look so vulnerable, her eyes a pale green, shining with unshed tears. For once, she allowed him a glimpse of her soul, and it took his breath away. There was so much pain, so many scars covering the barely healed wounds he had inflicted upon her over the years. But there was also so much warmth, and hope, and love. The realization that she still cared so much after everything that had happened between them made his insides flutter in a way he had not felt in a long time. It reminded him once more of all the reasons she had stolen his heart in the first place, and no matter how many times he had claimed that he was better off without her, that he was not made to be a husband and a father, he would never be free of her. He might find someone to warm his bed, someone who took care of his needs and made the loneliness go away for a little while, but his heart would always belong to this fierce, stubborn, beautiful, and generous woman. Maybe it was time for him to grow up and learn how to be what she needed him to be. 

His free hand cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin he found there. It sent a pleasant shiver down her spine as she gazed up into his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the tenderness and love soften his gaze the way it had all those years ago, when they had been madly in love with each other, before reality had set in and everything had begun to fall apart. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” he rasped as he slowly closed the distance between them to brush her lips with his in a feather-light touch. “I love you, Sharon.” When he kissed her again, she moaned into his mouth, and slipping her arms around him, she drew him even closer, deepening their kiss. 

Suddenly, all of it was back. The sensation of his body pressed against hers, his strong arms wrapped around her, the heady scent of his cologne mixed with the comforting smell that was uniquely his, all of it was so familiar, so dear to her. She got lost in him, their lips and tongues and teeth hungrily exploring, playfully dueling. She had thought that she would never feel this again. Not for her husband, but there it was, passion burning hot inside her veins, making her feel breathless and dizzy. 

When they finally pulled apart to catch their breaths, their foreheads touching, she could not suppress the happy smile that tugged at her lips. His hands caressed her back, meaning to soothe, but doing the exact opposite. She wanted him, to feel his skin against hers, to reacquaint herself with his body, to lose herself in him until they both fell apart. Her reaction to him was visceral, and she felt it hot and moist between her thighs. 

With a sad hum she stepped back, disentangling herself from his embrace, but keeping her hands on his chest as she looked up at him. They had almost rounded the block, their house only a few feet away. For a split second, she considered asking him to stay, but sense prevailed in the end. There was still so much they needed to discuss, so much they had to work through before they would be able to move on. It would do no good to rush into something they were not yet ready for.

Jack seemed to have come to the same conclusion. He let his hands rest on her hips, a sneaky thumb slipping underneath her shirt to brush over her bare skin, making her shiver. “I should go and let you get some sleep,” he said with a soft smile. “Maybe you’ll let me take you out some time this week. You know, a proper date. It’s been a while, and we could talk about a few things.” 

She hummed dreamily as she thought about spending an evening with him without the distraction of their kids and all the things that reminded them of their painful past. “I would like that,” she murmured before she captured his mouth in another lingering kiss. 

They walked the rest of the way back to the house, pausing when they reached Jack’s car, which was parked in the driveway. He leaned his back against the driver’s side door and tugged her close until she stood between his slightly spread legs, her body pressed against his and her arms wound around his neck. There was a goofy smile on his lips as he kissed her once more. 

Sharon was unable to resist teasing him a little bit. As she deepened their kiss, she slowly rolled her hips against him, groaning when she felt how much he wanted her. His hands slid down her back, cupping her ass and pulling her even closer as he kneaded the supple flesh. Once again, they got lost in their closeness as hands wandered and lips and tongues explored until, out of breath and flushed with arousal, they finally parted. Sharon took a big step back, out of reach of his questing hands. 

“Good night, Jack,” she said, her voice breathy as she smiled at him tenderly. 

“Night. Sweet dreams. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” he replied before he turned, opened the door, and slipped into his car. Once he was settled, he rolled down the window and leaned out, grinning up at her as she stepped closer. 

Sharon leaned down and placed a quick kiss on his lips, her fingers sliding through his hair to repair some of the damage she must have done while they had made out like crazy teenagers earlier. A few stubborn strands stood up from his otherwise neat hairdo, and she enjoyed his soft groan when she let her nails scratch over his scalp the way he liked it. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow,” she whispered against his lips, before she pulled away with one final kiss. 

As she watched Jack pull out of her driveway, she realized that it was true; she was looking forward to seeing him again. It had been a long time since that had been the case. She was always glad when he came back, mostly because their children missed him, and because she was concerned about him when he was not with them. The sense of complete, untarnished joy she felt at the moment was different, though. 

She had not forgotten the pain and uncertainty he had brought upon his family, but for the first time in many years, Sharon was convinced that they would be able to move forward together. There were still many things to work out. He would have to work hard to regain her trust and that of their children. They would have to talk about what had happened while they had been apart. She did not wish to hear about his adventures any more than he probably wanted to know about Andy Flynn, but she felt that complete honesty would be necessary before they would be able to put the past behind them. 

As she thought about Andy, her heart constricted painfully. Just because Jack was back did not mean that she suddenly stopped caring for the man who had been such an important part of her life over the last couple of years. She still missed him, and the guilt about that weighed heavily on her. He was not the kind of man one forgot easily, and it would take time for her to let go of the idea of them together. It was not about which man meant more to her. Andy was so very special to her with his kindness, his sense of humor, and his amazing hugs, but Jack was her husband. She had known him since college and had loved him ever since. He was the man she had promised forever to, and she still meant it. That was what they would be working on. The rest would fall into place somehow.

 

 

 

It was not until the following week that they managed to go on their date. Sharon had caught a series of cases that had kept her too busy to do much more than take care of the children and sleep. Jack did stop by the house as often as possible to share meals with his family or to help out with the kids when Sharon was kept at work late. On Friday, Sharon was finally able to leave the office early, and she arranged for Ricky and Emily to stay with friends in order to make sure they were not under any pressure to relieve the sitter. Jack had made reservations at a nice restaurant and had told her to be ready at half past six for him to pick her up. 

The jitters Sharon felt as she got ready were unexpected. She had not been on a date in years, but it was not like she was meeting someone she did not know. And yet, she stood inside her closet, agonizing over what to wear. What message did she want to send him? The other night, when they had taken their walk, it had been pretty clear that she still had an effect on her husband, and it had felt good, but she was unsure how far she wanted the night to go. 

After going back and forth between two different outfits, she finally settled on a dark red, long-sleeved wrap dress that hugged her upper body tightly, the low neckline showing more cleavage than she usually dared. The snug fit drew attention to her breasts, which she helped along slightly with a crimson lace pushup bra. Two children had taking their toll on her once pert assets, after all. The hemline of the dress did not quite reach her knees, her long, toned legs appearing even longer with the black high heels she chose. Soft, low-key makeup and a slight curl to her long hair completed the outfit. 

When she opened the door for Jack at precisely six thirty, his reaction made her stomach flip over pleasantly, a blush rising into her cheeks as his hungry eyes slowly took in every square inch of her. When his gaze finally met hers, she swallowed hard at the raw desire she saw reflected in it. For a split second, she considered pulling him into the house and skipping dinner, but sense ultimately prevailed. They had agreed on a date, and she was determined to go through with it, even if she was sure that he would not mind if they spent all evening in bed. 

Grabbing her small purse and her keys off the hallway table, she closed and locked the door behind her and, taking the arm Jack offered, she allowed him to lead her to his car. Before he opened the passenger side door for her, he drew her into a keep, passionate kiss, pushing her back against the car, his hands roaming over her sides and back. She looped her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer, moaning as their tongues touched. When he finally eased out of the kiss, he let his lips trail along her jaw to nibble at her earlobe.

“God, you look amazing,” he growled into her ear, briefly rolling his hips against her to show her what she was doing to him. 

Sharon hummed as she felt his arousal pressed into her belly, her eyes still closed as she trembled in his arms. His tongue was toying with the sensitive spot just beneath her ear, and his cologne made her dizzy with hunger for him. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she replied, her voice husky.

When he pulled away, she patted his chest, her fingers playing with his red tie. The color almost fit that of her dress, and it looked amazing with his black suit and white shirt.

“Let’s get going before I change my mind and forget that I wanted to be a gentleman tonight,” he warned as he opened the door for her, waiting until she was settled in her seat before he closed it and walked around the car to slide into his own seat. As soon as he had navigated the car out of the driveway, he reached out for her hand, clasping it where it rested on her thigh. It was hard to resist the temptation to let his fingers explore the bare skin of her knee, to inch up her skirt and caress her inner thigh until she allowed her legs to fall apart enough for him to reach the moist heat he knew he would find at their apex. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to make her fall apart in his arms over and over again, but the evening was not about that. She had asked him to take things slow, to give them both time to get used to each other again. He had no intention of sabotaging that, no matter how hard she made it for him to stay in control of his desire. 

Jack had picked a small Italian restaurant in Santa Monica. The place was bathed in candlelight, soft classical music playing in the background. There were few tables, leaving plenty of space between each one for some privacy. It was a romantic little place, and Sharon squeezed his hand in appreciation as he led her to their table. 

Their dinner was very pleasant. The service was great, the food delicious, and their conversation ranging from serious to hilarious as they discussed work, their kids, their relationship, and old times. At some point, while they were waiting for dessert, Sharon slipped out of her shoes and discreetly caressed his legs underneath the table. She did not dare to let them travel any farther than his knees, but judging from the darkening of his eyes, that was more than enough to affect him. They barely noticed the plate of apple pie that appeared in front of them as they gazed at one another, their hands clasped on the table. 

The last bite of their dessert was not quite polished off when Jack requested the check. A few minutes later, they were outside, walking hand in hand towards the parking lot. 

“Do you want me to take you home or would you like to take a walk on the beach?” Jack asked quietly as they reached the car. 

Sharon looked up at him, one hand curled around his tie, pulling him closer. “Take me home,” she rasped before she captured his lips in a deep kiss, leaving no doubt as to what her intentions were once they got home. 

At some point during dinner she had decided that there really was no point denying them what they both wanted so badly. She did not think that waiting would change anything. She had already opened her heart to him again. Either he would stay or he would leave, today, next week, or in a year. It would not make much of a difference; it would break her heart either way. She was ready to trust him again, hoping that it would help him be strong and continue to confront his problems instead of running from them. Despite the many times he had disappointed her she needed to move forward. Jack was her husband, and she still loved him very much. 

It took almost more restraint than either of them had to step away from one another long enough to get into the car and take themselves home. They barely made it into the house. As soon as Jack had rushed around the car and helped Sharon out of it, she wound her arms around his neck and latched onto his mouth for another hungry, passionate kiss. Somehow, they managed to lock the car before they stumbled up the steps to the house. Sharon fumbled with the keys, not bothering to look what she was doing while her free hand took hold of Jack's butt, pulling his lower body close. It took long minutes for her to unlock the door, and as soon as they stepped through, Sharon dropped the keys and her purse onto the floor, missing the hallway table by several inches. Her attention was on Jack’s tie already, her fingers busy loosening it enough to pull it over his head. When she started unbuttoning his shirt, Jack blindly reached out behind him to close the door, waving his arm until he finally got hold of it, letting it smash into the lock with a resounding bang. Once they were shielded from the outside world, he did not lose another second, feeling for the tie at the side of her dress and pulling at it until it opened, allowing his fingers to feather over her exposed skin, making her shiver against him. 

Once her dress had fallen to the ground, Jack turned them around and backed her against the door, letting his eyes feast on her. She felt her skin tingle under his hungry gaze, feeling a little self-conscious as he kept staring wordlessly. It had been a while since she had allowed him to see her like that, in sexy lingerie and flushed with arousal. For the last few years, their encounters had lacked passion. She was unable to remember the last time they had wanted one another with such desperation or when she had last dressed up with thoughts of what he would think when he undressed her later. 

Taking a deep breath, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and, looking him in the eyes, she let her hands trail down his bare chest until they reached his belt buckle. When he groaned and closed his eyes, she briefly cupped his obvious arousal, grinning wickedly when he thrust into her touch. He opened his eyes again when she started working his pants open determinedly. 

“You’re so damn sexy,” he rasped into her ear before he attacked her sensitive neck with his lips and teeth, blazing a path all the way down to the edge of her bra. Her nipples strained against the rough fabric, and she whimpered when he flicked his thumb over them, the friction sending sparks all the way down to her toes. 

He spent endless minutes lavishing attention on her breasts, stroking, kneading, pinching her nipples until she whimpered, before he finally tugged the red lace down, allowing them to spill out of their confinement, free for his lips, and teeth, and tongue to spoil. By the time his mouth returned to hers, she was almost incoherent with desire, the evidence of it soaking her underwear. 

Sharon was unable to recall doing it, but at some point she had pushed down Jack’s pants, and they were pooling around his ankles, trapped there by the shoes he was still wearing. She was in a daze, grateful for the solid door behind her, as she watched him struggle out of his shoes and pants. His desperate fight for freedom from the confining items was comical, and she huffed a breathless laugh at the display he presented. His briefs did nothing to hide his need as they strained to contain him. 

Knowing what awaited her, barely hidden by the black fabric, she licked her lips in anticipation, already formulating a plan of attack. First, she would have to navigate them into the bedroom, however, which, given the hungry look with which he consumed her, might be a challenge. 

Once his mobility was restored and the only items of clothing separating them were their underwear and her askew bra, Jack attacked her mouth with renewed fervor, pinning her hands against the door above her head when she tried to slip them into his briefs. She arched her back, pressing her breasts against his chest, hoping to relieve the painful need for stimulation. For a split second, a treacherous thought of another chest entered her mind, one covered in thick, coarse hair that would provide the friction she sought. She banished that thought as quickly as it had appeared, resolved not to let past mistakes, his or her own, come between them. They would have to discuss that soon enough. 

When she was ready to burst with the anticipation of his touch where she really needed it, she tore her wrists out of his hold and gave his shoulders a strong push, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps. “Bedroom,” she commanded as she grabbed his hand and dragged him upstairs, their clothes forgotten on the floor of the foyer. 

On their way, they bumped into walls, pausing to kiss and touch one another. When she stumbled while backing up the stairs in front of him, she took him with her as she went down, landing in a sitting position on one of the steps with Jack braced on his hands and knees, hovering above her. She barely had time to register the slight pain of her landing when his predatory leer took her breath away. She knew what he was going to do even before he started tugging at her panties, urging her to lift her butt so he would be able to slide them off and toss them behind him. And then he was on her, his lips and tongue trailing down her stomach until they reached her swollen folds. She moaned when his hands pushed her legs farther apart as he lapped up the seemingly endless flood of her desire.

Her fingers slipped into his short hair, nails scratching his scalp as she drew him closer, her hips bucking against him when he started suckling on her engorged clit and two of his long digits began to probe her opening. With each moan and whimper, Jack increased the intensity of his assault, pumping his fingers into her at a frantic pace, his tongue and teeth working her clit. 

She was so close. Every nerve ending in her body was ablaze with pleasure as her heart raced and her lungs struggled for breath. Sharon was unable to remember a time when Jack had created these feelings inside her, when he had been able to push her over the edge in mere minutes, but it had been a while since he had last paid so much attention to her needs. 

When he curled his fingers slightly every time he withdrew them from her depth, she came with a loud scream, making her grateful that no one was close enough to hear her. 

Except Jack, and he did not mind in the least. He watched her closely, slowing his thrusts to a soft pulsing as he allowed her to ride out her orgasm. She was magnificent in the way she selfishly took pleasure from his touch. In that moment, as he stared at his beautiful wife, her body flushed and glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, he wanted to weep. He had carelessly tossed away so many years, had sought the cheap thrill of booze, and games, and easy women when she had been at home all along, waiting for him, hoping that he would come back to her. He had used her, cheated her out of the money she needed to feed and clothe their kids, and yet, here she was, once again taking him back, giving herself to him completely. He did not deserve her, but he did not have it in him to let her go, either. 

When he carried her the rest of the way upstairs and to their bed, he swore to himself that he would be better for her. As she welcomed him into her depth, her slick walls gripping him tightly, as her legs wrapped around him, he promised that he would not disappoint her again. With her screams of release ringing in his ears, he vowed to be the husband and father his family needed as he spilled his release into the condom she had insisted he wear until he got himself tested. It was one of those little things he would do for her, because she asked him to, because he owed it to her. 

Later, when she had fallen asleep with her head resting on his shoulder and an arm and a leg draped over him as if she was scared he would get up and leave, he asked God to help him, to give him the strength he would need to fight his weaknesses. He prayed for guidance as the knot of fear settled deep in his stomach.

 

**~TBC~**


	11. Chapter 11

 

Sharon had arranged herself with the fact that, on occasion, she would have to face her ex-husband, not just in his capacity as her children’s father, but also as a defense attorney. Since she had stopped involving herself in the relationship between Jack and her kids, the former was far less annoying than the latter. Having to face him as a suspect was an entirely new experience, however, and she was not sure if she was prepared for that. 

They had discussed their plan of attack with Lieutenant McCarthy earlier that morning, after bringing everyone up to speed on their late night discoveries and after their brief interview with Sergeant Mendez. In order to make Jack feel a little more secure, they had asked Buzz to set up the conference room with cameras and microphones. He had gotten Mike to help him to speed up the process and finish before Jack arrived. 

McCarthy had been skeptical at first when Sharon had suggested that she should conduct the interview with the IA Lieutenant. The younger woman had listened to her arguments and, in the end, agreed that no one in the room knew Jack as well as his ex-wife, and that it was not necessarily a bad thing. It was not exactly policy to allow someone to be part of an investigation who was personally involved in some way, but they were not dealing with a regular investigation. Besides, with as little evidence as they had on Jack, they needed to get him to admit to something. He was not stupid and very familiar with the way police officers usually attempted to coax information out of their suspects. He would not respond to their usual tactics. Not making him feel like a suspect from the start was one way to approach him, but that impression would not last very long. Their only real hope was to get him riled up enough so that he would make a mistake. His ex-wife was the perfect person to accomplish that. 

As she stood in the corridor outside the conference room, waiting for McCarthy to join her, Sharon began to doubt that. She was not the only one who knew how to push buttons, and she was certain that Jack would not hesitate to hit her where it hurt. It had been a while since he had been able to get to her, but in this instance, he had plenty of ammunition. He was aware of how much she despised having her private life dragged into the office, and he would take great pleasure in doing just that. Her imagination had no problem providing her with all kinds of scenarios, the most troubling of which being a very public argument about her extra-marital activities, witnessed by her entire team and caught on tape. She knew that that was where they were headed, and she felt sick at the thought of facing that. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this, Sharon.” 

Andy’s quiet, rumbling voice drew her out of her thoughts, and she leaned slightly into his soft touch at the small of her back. It was all the comfort she allowed herself to draw from him, but she was grateful for this short moment. She was not surprised that he had sought her out before the interview started. Andy had kept an eye on her all morning, discreetly enough not to give her reason to reprimand him, but his concern had been apparent. Sighing, she closed her eyes for a moment, swaying towards him just enough to lightly bump her shoulder against his arm to convey her gratitude. 

“Yes, I do. He is not going to talk to Lieutenant McCarthy or anyone else. Not long enough to put his head into the noose. If he is responsible for this, he will want to see me squirm. We will have to give him that pleasure to get what we need.” 

She did not like it, and it was clear from the deep frown on Andy’s forehead that he was not happy about it, either. 

“I could go in with McCarthy instead of you. He’d be just as happy to push my buttons,” Andy suggested. 

Sharon smiled up at him, reaching up to place her hand against his cheek in a brief caress. It was nice to have someone who was willing to help her fight her battles. Usually, she would object to that sort of behavior, to the insinuation that she was unable to stand up for herself. However, Andy was well aware that she did not need him to come to her rescue, that she was more than capable of dealing with her ex-husband on her own. He never gave her the feeling that he thought of her as weak or helpless. On the contrary. He never tired of telling her how much he admired her for her strength. Always being willing to help was simply who he was, even if he knew that his offer would be rejected. It was the knowledge that she finally had a true partner in her life, someone who had her back no matter what, who was there for her to lean on and to give her a hand when needed, but who knew when to step back and let her handle things on her own. 

“You are probably right about that, but I would rather not have to explain to my former colleagues at FID why my fiancé punched my ex-husband in the face in an LAPD conference room, and you know that he will make you want to do that.” 

He rubbed his neck with his free hand, looking at the floor while he tried very hard to suppress a grin. She was right, of course. That was exactly what he would want to do. The thought of feeling his fist connect with Jack’s flabby chin was a very satisfying one, but he knew better than to say so in front of Sharon. Although, he had a feeling that she would not be surprised. Despite his desire to knock her dirtbag ex-husband out, he had to admit that it might look a little bad, and having to talk him out of a suspension was the last thing Sharon needed on her plate at the moment. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just don’t like that you have to deal with him on your own.” 

There was more that he wanted to say, but she would not appreciate him being overly protective, especially while they were at work. 

When they saw Lieutenant McCarthy walk down the hallway towards them, Sharon gently squeezed his arm, giving him a warm, reassuring smile. 

“I’m not on my own, Andy,” she said quietly, holding his eyes with her own, allowing him to see all the love and gratitude she held in her heart. 

What she said was true. For too many years, Sharon had known what it was like to be alone, to feel true loneliness. That was no longer the case. Even when she faced a difficult situation by herself, all she had to do was turn around and he would be right there, and that made all the difference.

 

Jack sat at the large conference table, his eyes focused on his iPhone, and he did not bother to acknowledge them until well after the two women had taken a seat across from him. When he did, he looked annoyed, as if they had just interrupted something much more important than whatever it was they wanted to discuss with him. If the presence of the unfamiliar person next to his ex-wife surprised him, he did not let them see it. 

“Sharon,” he greeted her, stressing the last syllable of her name the way she hated. “It’s been a while, and I’d love to catch up with you, but I’m a busy man, so if we could get this over with…” 

Sharon smiled at him, but there was no warmth in the gesture. “Jack, I am so sorry for interrupting your busy schedule. We will try to make this short.” Her tone was dripping with sarcasm, and she felt a familiar thrill at the narrowing of his eyes. 

“Please allow me to introduce Lieutenant McCarthy.” She gestured towards the younger woman next to her, intentionally omitting her position within the LAPD. 

With slow, deliberate movements, Sharon opened the thin folder in front of her and slid two photographs across the table, turning them on the way so that Jack would be able to see them. She had chosen two of the least incriminating ones. The first showed her and Andy sitting on the steps in front of her house, her head leaned against his shoulder, the second was a capture of her kissing his cheek. 

They had picked pictures that had been sent to the online publication in the first batch, but had not been published. Sharon studied him closely as he looked at the photographs in front of him. His eyes widened and a puzzled frown appeared on his forehead, but she knew right away that he was faking his surprise. Jack always overdid it when he tried to hide something. He was one of the worst actors she knew, which was probably why he never had any lasting success playing poker. 

“What is this, Sharon?” His tone was outraged, and he shoved the pictures back towards her, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you trying to get back at me for my little indiscretions over the years? Why would you bring this up now, after you made clear you don’t want me in your life anymore? That’s cruel, even for you.” 

She waited patiently for him to finish his little song and dance, simply raising an eyebrow at his badly disguised insult. 

“Sir, are you saying that you did not know about your ex-wife’s relationship with this man?” Lieutenant McCarthy tilted her head slightly, her hands resting flat on the table, and her entire demeanor speaking of sympathy for the poor, wronged husband.

Sharon rolled her lips between her teeth in order to suppress a smile. The younger woman was beautiful. In her early forties, she was blond and very fit, her bright blue eyes giving her pretty face a special shine. She was Jack’s type, and she seemed to have figured out exactly how to use that. It had taken Sharon the better part of three decades to figure out that Jack thrived on being the victim, and that he craved to have someone take care of him. The other woman had picked up on that in a matter of minutes and shamelessly used it to their advantage.

“Well, of course not,” he exclaimed, all outrage and hurt feelings. 

With McCarthy taking on the role of sympathetic friend, Sharon stepped up her bitchy ex-wife game a little. They had not explicitly planned it that way, but it was a good strategy. 

“Jack, you know that’s not true. I told you myself that I had been seeing Andy when you came home fifteen years ago. You remember, don’t you? When we decided we would make a new start, being open and honest with each other?” 

The bite in her tone was not entirely played. The memories of that time were still very fresh in her mind, as was the pain she had felt when he had not held up his end of the bargain. 

He gave her a dirty look before he quickly backpedaled, focusing on the Lieutenant next to her as he tried to defend his obvious lie. 

“I knew she’d been sleeping with the guy. Didn’t know they had a real thing going on.” He gestured at the photos that still lay between them, his voice wavering slightly as he played up his hurt feelings even more.

“We did not have a _thing_ going on, Jack. I never lied to you about this. Or anything else for that matter. And we are not here to discuss my past relationship with Lieutenant Flynn,” she snapped, hoping that McCarthy would keep up her protective act. 

“We sort of are, Captain. And I hate to say this, but from these pictures it does look like there was more between the Lieutenant and you than just a little fling.” 

She was good, Sharon had to admit. Even though she knew that they were putting on an act for her ex-husband, she felt the urge defend herself to the other woman. She had known that this interview would be an unpleasant experience. 

“The exact nature of my relationship to Lieutenant Flynn does not matter. The purpose of this meeting is to find out what you know about these photographs,” she addressed her husband, keeping her voice even and emotionless, because she knew that would rile him up. He hated the fact that she seldom lost control. 

“What do you mean, what do I know about them? I can tell you they aren’t recent.” He picked up one of the photographs and studied it closely before he eyed her critically. “Round about fifteen pounds ago, so in the 90s?” 

Narrowing her eyes at him, she bit back her first response. He liked to take cheap shots at her looks whenever he was feeling cornered. Knowing that they were getting closer to having him where they needed did not make his digs hurt any less. She should no longer care. There was a man who loved her the way she was, even though he had known her _fifteen pounds ago._ She did not need Jack’s approval, and yet, she had to swallow past a familiar lump in her throat.

“Don’t play dumb, Jack. That doesn’t suit you as well as you think. We both know that it was you who had those pictures taken. There is no one else who could have had an interest in anything like that back in the day.” 

Jack leaned back again, a smug expression on his face. “So that’s your evidence? You haven’t found a better person to pin this on? You and I both know that no judge will accept that argument, even though you’ve got half of them wrapped around your little finger.” 

She pursed her lips, holding his gaze for a long moment until she could see him start to grow uncomfortable. Then she smiled sweetly, her tone practically dripping honey. “You were working for Martin Bryson back then, were you not? You know, Martin always liked me. We still go out for drinks sometimes. I bet if I asked him very nicely, he would be willing to give me the names of the private investigators his firm worked with at the time. What do you think are the odds one of them remembers you asking them to follow your wife around for a bit?” 

Raising an eyebrow, she waited for his response, satisfied at his slightly flushed appearance. He was getting nervous, which meant that he was about to say something stupid. They almost had them. 

“You know, Captain,” Lieutenant McCarthy said, “Even if Mr Raydor hired a private investigator to have you followed, that is not a crime. And those picture were taken in public places. If you’d wanted your affair to remain a secret, you shouldn’t have conducted it out in the open. There’s no law against taking photos of people out on the street.” 

Jack practically jumped at the defense that was provided for him, visibly relieved that someone was on his side. “Right! Even if I did what you’re accusing me of, and I’m not admitting to anything here, there’s nothing you can charge me with. And even if there were, the statute of limitations ran out years ago. If you want to get back at me for something, you’ll have to think up something else.” 

“Hmm, yes,” she agreed, appearing pensive for a moment. “If this were the only issue we think we have got, you would be right. Unfortunately for you, there is a little more.”

Sharon pulled another photograph out of the folder. This one was a screenshot of the video that had been published. They had chosen a moment that merely showed the sated couple under the covers, dozing peacefully. 

“This one was not taken in a public space. It was captured inside Andy’s apartment, meaning that whoever took it is guilty of breaking and entering a private residence on top of filming in a private home without permission. This, as I am sure you are aware of, is not legal.” 

He kept staring at the photo, a slightly haunted expression on his face that was definitely not faked. For a second she almost felt sorry for him, imagining what he must have felt when he had first watched that video. Then she remembered her own feelings upon finding out that this intensely private moment had been filmed and published, and her sympathy for her ex-husband vanished as quickly as it had appeared. 

“It still doesn’t matter,” he defended himself. “You won’t be able to bring charges against whoever did this anymore. Should’ve figured that out a little earlier, but I guess you’re used to dealing with murder charges. If you need to brush up on your legal knowledge, I can recommend a few really good books.” 

It was hard not to roll her eyes at his impossible attitude, but Sharon had more than enough practice doing just that. 

“Yes, that is correct, and if we had just happened upon those images in a box in someone’s attic, we would not have bothered to invite you for this conversation. However, some of the pictures were very recently published, and whoever sent them to the press is in very big trouble. Do you need me to tell you exactly which laws were violated or is your memory of law school good enough?” 

He was beginning to get to her, and she would have to watch her reaction more carefully. She was getting too close to letting him see how much his behavior was really affecting her, and that would not help them get ahead in this case. 

“You’re out of luck again, Sharon. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I didn’t send any pictures to anyone. If it helps you, Sandrine and I were in Tijuana until the day before yesterday. Went on a nice three week vacation, so whatever you want to pin on me, it’s not going to stick.” 

That smug look made her blood pressure spike, and she allowed herself a brief moment to imagine how Andy would push her ex-husband’s face into the wall. She knew that it was what he would be itching to do right at that moment, and it was very tempting to let him. Of course she would not let that happen, no matter how much Jack tried to convince her that it was a good idea. If for no other reason than the fact that she did not need her fiancé to come to her rescue. She would get Jack to hang himself all on her own, and there would be no way for him to get a lawsuit out of the experience. 

“I would not be so sure,” she cautioned him, but before she could continue, Lieutenant McCarthy chimed in, still very much in good cop mode. 

“We don’t want to imply any such thing, Mr. Raydor. I’m sure that you would never think of publishing intimate photos of your ex-wife. She is the mother of your children after all. Surely, you would not want to expose your own children to this kind of embarrassment. Right now, we have no choice but to look at you as a suspect. I would hate to bring charges against you. All you have to do is give us something to go on, someone else to look at. Can you think of anyone?” 

The stubborn set of his jaw told Sharon that he was not going to bite even before he opened his mouth. 

“Look, I have never seen these pictures before today, and I didn’t send them to anyone. Who knows how many other lovers you had while we were married. Maybe someone got jealous and decided to get back at you. Sure wasn’t me. I haven’t cared enough about you for longer than I can remember, so what reason would I have?” 

At his last words, Sharon felt the woman next to her stiffen for a split second, and she had to take a deep breath to control the initial wave of anger and pain. 

“Okay, enough!” She no longer bothered to stay civil. “It is not going to take more than a few hours for us to find the person who you hired to follow me, and we already know who sent the material to the publication. We also established a connection between you and that person.” 

This information made Jack squirm in his seat once again, and she went on to describe just how very screwed he was. 

“We have already invited her up here for an interview. That is going to happen as soon as we are done here. What do you think she will tell us when we lay the facts out for her? Do you really think that she is going to keep your name out of it?” 

Sharon could almost feel the cold metal of her handcuffs as she slipped them around his wrists. She wanted to do it so badly, but that was not what they had agreed to do. She was glad that McCarthy took over to explain to him how he would be able to get out of trouble. 

“Captain Raydor is right. Things aren’t looking good for you right now, but we want to help you. I mean, you could take your chances in court. Even if you lost, you probably wouldn’t have to do time. A few thousand dollars should do the trick. The thing is, though, whether you win or lose, this is going to follow you around for a long time. If we can prove that you used a company PI to do your private business, you probably won’t get a job as a lawyer again. Not to mention that you might lose your license.” 

She let that sink in for a moment, and his sagging shoulders indicated that he began to see how bad his situation really was. 

“We are not looking to ruin your life, Mr. Raydor. If you help us out, we will forget your involvement in this matter and you can go on as if nothing happened. Just be honest with us and we will work something out together.” 

The two women silently studied Jack for a while, giving him a moment to consider his options. They had put all their cards on the table, and all that was left was to hope for him to fold. Jack liked to gamble, both in his personal and in his professional life. The question was whether or not he would risk getting disbarred. Sharon was reasonably sure that he would not be that bold, even knowing that they had very little on him, but there was still a chance that he would go for it. 

When he sat up a little straighter, Sharon held her breath, taking great pains to maintain her poker face. 

“Okay,” Jack finally conceded, heaving a big, resigned sigh. “What exactly do you want me to say?” 

Sharon felt the tension in her shoulders relax at his words, even though they still had a long way to go. Jack’s cooperation was a first step, and they would build on that. 

“Thank you, Mr. Raydor. I think you’re making the right decision.” 

McCarthy slowly pushed a notepad and pen towards him and leaned her underarms on the table, creating a sense of intimacy. Sharon simply sat back in her own chair, adding to the impression that she was being excluded from their conversation. 

“We already agreed that any possible crimes connected to the taking of the photos and videos in question are beyond the statute of limitations, so you won’t get in trouble for that. It would be very helpful for our case if you were able to tell us who took them. Do you remember the name of the person hired for that?” 

He thought about that for a moment, his thumb absentmindedly playing with the clip of his pen. “I think his name was Reynolds. Not sure about his first name. He was pretty young back then and a really good investigator. Maybe he’s still working for Martin.” 

When McCarthy pointed at the paper in front of him, Jack scribbled down what he had just told them before he looked up at her again, waiting for the next question. It was obvious to Sharon that he was extremely uncomfortable, but she had a hard time feeling any compassion for him. Not after what he had put her and Andy through. 

She cast a surreptitious look at one of the cameras Buzz and Mike had hidden earlier, knowing that, on the other end, her people were already chasing down that new lead. By the time they were done with Jack, they would already have a name and, if they were lucky, a set time for an interview. It felt good to have a team she knew and could trust like that. 

“Okay, this is a great start,” the Lieutenant encouraged. “Now tell me how you know Deputy Chief Davis.” 

Jack sighed, quickly looking over to his ex-wife before focusing on the younger woman once more. 

“I defended a few of her division’s suspects since I came back to Los Angeles. Then, a few months ago, she showed up at a bar I like to go to. She came up to me and started talking, and I thought she’d give me crap about drinking. I mean, that’s what it usually is with those women.” He cast another glance at Sharon, defiant in the face of her narrowed eyes. 

“Turned out that she was interested in something different.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Now, you see, she’s not really my type. A bit older and a little less glamorous than I usually like them, but she seemed a little desperate and so needy. I’ve always had a weakness for that.” 

This time he held Sharon’s gaze for a long moment, a smirk on his lips that made clear to everyone who was watching what exactly he meant. She felt heat rise into her cheeks, more from anger than embarrassment, but the idea that the people she worked with every day were seeing how little regard her ex-husband had for her was mortifying. She no longer wanted or needed Jack’s love or approval, and she hadn’t in a very long time. That did not mean that she was immune to his continued emotional abuse, and it was much harder to brush off when other people witnessed it. 

“So yeah, we saw each other for a while. I broke it off when Sandrine came back from France and wanted to get back together. Winnie wasn’t happy about that, so I gave her the pictures as a little farewell gift. You know, to get her off my back. I didn’t want Sandrine to know that I’d been seeing someone else while she was away, and Winnie had been going on and on about how she wants that promotion and how Sharon here was going to snatch it away from her because Pope had a thing for her or something.” 

It would be funny if there weren’t some truth to his words. Sharon cringed inwardly, wondering how Andy would react to that information. She had never bothered to tell him how, years ago, then Assistant Chief Pope had appeared somewhat interested in her. He’d had the good sense not to act on his feelings, however, and a few warning glares and tactical mentions of her marital status had diverted him towards easier targets. It was hardly worth mentioning at all, and she had only told Jack because it had amused her, and her husband had been spending a few days in her guest room at the time. 

If Jack had been hoping to get a reaction out of her, he did not let her see it. Instead he went on as if what he had just dropped was common knowledge. 

“So I thought it would distract her if she had some dirt on Sharon. Didn’t think she’d publish it, though. I thought she’d maybe go for a little friendly blackmail or something like that.”

He shrugged, as if the consequences of his actions were only a minor inconvenience. McCarthy narrowed her eyes at the man across from her, not appreciating his flippant attitude. 

“Can you tell us how you shared the material with Deputy Chief Davis? Did you give her a flash drive or did you email it?” She left the rest of the sentence hanging, not willing to list all possible ways he could have delivered the files. 

“Nothing like that, no. She set up one of those anonymous cloud sharing things, and I uploaded everything I had onto that. She said that would be the safest option. I’m just glad that I had everything digitalized years ago when I cleaned out my storage space. Made all this a lot less of a hassle. I just had to upload everything and then we were done. She left me alone, and I didn’t think about any of that again until you called me here.” 

He spread his hands out to indicate that he had told them everything. The Lieutenant nodded, and after casting a quick glance at Sharon, she told Jack to write everything he had just told them down, including the information they would need to access the cloud drive. 

Sharon chose that moment to excuse herself. Jack was digging his laptop out of his briefcase to find the link and login data they needed, and she had no desire to watch him any longer. Nodding at the younger woman, she rose from her chair and walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her and taking a few steps down the hall and around the nearest corner, where she leaned her back against the wall and closed her eyes.

Taking a few measured breaths, she tired to clear her mind of the anger and disappointment she felt, but was only partially successful. It would take considerably more effort than an on the run meditation to rid herself of the toxicity her ex-husband kept dragging into her life. Since there was no time for anything else, she would have to deal with that later. She had to check on her team to see what they had managed to find out while she was in the interview room, and then they had to prepare their interrogation of Chief Davis. She would suggest that Lieutenant McCarthy take Mike into that interview. He had a cool head on his shoulders, and he understood all the technical details of their investigation. 

After another deep breath, Sharon pushed away from the wall and headed towards the interview room, already mapping out their next steps in her head. It would be a long day, but with a little luck, they would have the case wrapped up by the end of it.

 

**~TBC~**


	12. Chapter 12

 

She thought that this time it was different, that they would make it and get their happily ever after, but that was not the case. After their first passionate night, Jack moved back into the house, and they began the slow process of becoming a real family again. It took time to make all the pieces fit together once more. She had grown accustomed to sleeping alone, and his presence in her bed gave her a few restless nights until she got used to him again. She had worked out a system with the children that made it possible to combine her busy work schedule and the needs of the children without neglecting either. That system needed to be adjusted. 

Jack’s presence also made many things easier. He helped with school runs and driving the kids back and forth between ballet classes, baseball practice, school, and home. He went grocery shopping when Sharon had to work late, cooked dinner, and helped out with whatever chores needed to be done. Sharon had to learn to let some things go, to be grateful for his help, even if he never quite managed to fold the sheets right and his idea of cleaning the bathroom left something to be desired. He tried his best, and that was all she asked. 

The children were faster to adjust to him, enjoying the attention he gave them and the deliciously unhealthy things he cooked when their mother was not paying attention. Emily was elated to have her daddy back, to snuggle into his side to watch TV after her homework was done or to let him read to her at night. She had always believed that he would come home, and he had not disappointed her. For that alone, he had her forgiveness, all those nights when she had gone to sleep without his deep, rumbling voice reading her favorite book to her were forgotten. 

Ricky took a little longer to get used to him, having very few memories of Jack being there for him. When her boy found out that Jack loved baseball, his reservations evaporated. They spent every free moment outside in the small garden throwing balls and tumbling around in the grass. It was something that Sharon had done with her son whenever there had been time, but when she watched them, she realized how much Jack could give both his children that she had struggled to provide. 

Slowly, Jack regained his professional footing as well, switching from the small firm to a bigger one with more important cases and a better salary. It felt good to once again talk about their cases as far as they could get away with legally. They both enjoyed having a sounding board occasionally, someone who had an understanding of the other’s job and the legal issues involved. 

They gave each other a couple of weeks after he moved back in before they finally sat down and talked about the time they had been apart. Jack was just as reluctant to listen to her talk about Andy as she was to hear about the affairs he’d had while he was away. He listened to her, however, as she laid out the damage he had done and the way he had hurt her. She spoke of the uncertainty and fear she had felt when she realized that he’d taken all their money and how she had struggled to make it from one paycheck to the next. She was still paying her parents back for the money they had lent her, even though they did not expect her to return it. It pained him to listen to her explain how another man had been there when the nights had been too lonely, when the need for another person’s touch and the longing to forget for a little while became too much to bear. 

Forgiveness was a process that took work and time, but they had decided to leave the past where it belonged and move on together. She was relieved when Jack returned one night with a clean bill of health from his doctor, taking them one step closer to healing. 

Despite her determination to put their past behind them, Sharon was unable to forget what he had done to them. While she was ready to trust Jack with her heart again, she had explained to him why she was not prepared to allow him access to her finances just yet. The legal separation she had filed for after his last jump off the wagon was providing a certain kind of protection for her and the children that she would not let go of for a while. It made sure that Jack would not be able to mortgage the house any further, and that he did not have access to her and the kids’ money. Even though he did not protest, she knew that Jack did not like the arrangement, but he realized that she was not going to compromise on that. They agreed to set up a joint account to cover their family expenses and to otherwise keep their assets separate. 

It was not the way Sharon had imagined their marriage to be. She had grown up in a house where there had been no separation between her mother’s and her father’s things, and that was the way she and Jack had started out as well. It did not feel right to lock him out of a part of their lives or to keep such a close eye on their finances, always looking for something suspicious. The sad fact was, however, that he was an addict, and that she would never be able to completely trust him again. Not when that could mean not being able to feed her children or losing the roof over their heads. She had come frighteningly close to that point once, and she would never risk going there again. 

Over the following year and a half, they worked hard on their relationship, and it seemed to pay off. For the first time in years they managed to recover the love and closeness they had known when they had gotten married. She had questioned her choice of husband frequently over the course of their marriage, but she finally felt that it was all working out the way it was supposed to. They supported one another wherever they could, taking care of their children and finding joy in doing the most mundane things together. The loneliness she had felt when he was gone, despite occasionally leaning on another man, had dissipated. She once again had a true partner, someone who stood by her when things got tough and celebrated the minor and major victories with her. 

When the Rampart investigation started up the following year, Jack was there to make sure things at home kept running smoothly while she worked insane hours. He juggled his own job and the kids’ schedules, taking home whatever work he was unable to finish at the office to make sure the children were taken care of and to limit the time they had to spend with the babysitter. Even at fifteen and twelve, they did not feel good about leaving Emily and Ricky unsupervised, especially considering that Sharon played a not inconsiderable part in going after a number of corrupt cops. 

If Sharon had been less busy, had taken more time for her family, she might have noticed it before it was too late. She knew, on a logical level, that it would have happened at some point, no matter what she had done. Jack was an addict who had a tendency towards carelessness. He worked his program diligently for a while, but he tended to get cocky. It had happened before when he had felt safe in his sobriety and let things slide. That was always when he fell off the wagon.

There was a small part of her that insisted that she was at least partly to blame. It was the familiar guilt born out of years and years of listening to her parents and other mothers telling her how she should be at home, taking care of her family instead of working so much. It was the guilt that was every working mother’s companion. She could not help but wonder whether she would have been able to keep her family together, if only she had seen it coming. 

In the end it all came down to Jack being an addict. He managed to keep all the balls in the air for a few months, insisting that he had things under control at home and that Sharon should not worry about anything. He was proud of her, because her dedication had gotten the attention of her boss, putting her in line for a promotion. It was hard to keep up his grueling schedule of work, kids, meetings, more work, and chores for weeks on end. Something had to give, and it ended up being his weekly meetings. He did not think that he needed them, anyway. There was so much for him to do that thoughts of a drink or gambling were fleeting at most. He was convinced that he could control it. 

It started with a quick after work drink with his colleagues to celebrate one of the senior partners’ birthdays. Jack had two hours before he had to pick up the children from their after-school programs, and the thought of one small glass of wine sounded great. The tension of the past couple of months was intense, and a little drink to relax was exactly what he needed. 

One glass that night turned into another a few days later and then half a bottle by the end of the week. More and more often, he found an hour or two here and there to stop by one of his favorite bars, never to get seriously drunk. Just enough for the pressure to ease a little bit, to reconnect with friends he had not seen in so long. He thought he was doing well, finally managing to live like a normal person again, to enjoy a glass or two without getting dragged down into the dark abyss once more. 

When Sharon announced one day that she was going to be home early and would be able to pick up the kids, he told her that he would take the chance to work on a few things that had been left unattended for too long. It only took a little nudging from one of his co-workers to get him to abandon his files and join the others for drinks instead. With nothing to drag him away from his barstool at a set time, early evening turned into night before he finally stumbled out of the cab and into their house. 

When he made his way towards the living room, taking great care to be quiet, he realized that one of the small lamps beside the sofa was still on. He smiled, thinking that his wife had left it on for him before she went to bed. He entered the room to crash on the sofa until he could come up with the energy to brave the stairs, thinking that he should probably stop by the kitchen on his way to get a bottle of water. He was just getting ready to navigate the narrow space between couch and coffee table when movement in the armchair on the other side of the sitting area startled him. Squinting into the dimly lit part of the room, he saw Sharon slowly uncurling her legs from where she had obviously been sleeping. A soft fleece blanket was wrapped around her shoulders and she was hugging one of the fancy pillows she loved so much. Her bleary eyed gaze landed on him and turned into a frown once she processed what she was seeing. When she pressed her lips together into a thin line, he knew that he was in trouble. 

Sharon had been relieved when her boss had insisted that they all call it a day in the early afternoon. For weeks, they had pulled long hours, and there was no end in sight. She was grateful for the extra money, as it would take care of a few things that would be needed over the summer. Her car needed new tires and a full inspection, the children had grown out of their clothes again, and she was still hoping that they might be able to get away for a week or so for a small family vacation. The work she was doing with the team that led the Rampart investigation was challenging, and what they uncovered made her question some of the things about the LAPD that she had never had any doubt about before. It also gave her a unique opportunity to prove to her superiors that she was more than capable of taking charge. Her captain had already hinted at a possible promotion in the near future, but he refused to give her any details on how that would work out, since the next step up for her would be captain as well, and he was not even close to being old enough for retirement. 

Despite all of that, she was happy about every night that she got home at a time when she would be able to see her children awake and spend some quality time with her family. It did not happen nearly often enough. She also felt guilty for letting Jack shoulder so much responsibility on his own. To be fair, he had some catching up to do in that department, but she still hated not doing her part. He had a job as well, and still so much to prove if he ever intended to become a partner. While he reassured her time and again that he had the full support of everyone at work, she still worried. 

That was one reason why she had jumped at the chance of getting home early for once. She had expected Jack to put in a few more hours in the office, but had thought he would make it home for dinner. She had prepared a small snack for her and the kids when they got home so that they could have a late dinner, in case Jack would arrive later than they normally ate dinner. It was Friday, so Ricky and Emily were allowed to stay up a little longer, anyway. When he had not been home at eight o’clock and the children started complaining, she had heated up the stew she had made earlier, and they had eaten without him.

Later, after their evening movie was over and the kids were in bed, she had called his office, starting to worry about him, as it was not his habit to stay past eight or nine unless it was an emergency, and he always informed her that he would be late. When no one answered the phone, she had settled in her favorite armchair with a blanket and a book to wait for him, convinced that he was on his way. At some point, hours later, she had put away her book and switched off the reading lamp next to her chair. Grabbing one of the pillows off the sofa, she had curled into the chair, making sure the phone was near by before she closed her eyes for a moment. 

She must have dozed off. When movement in the room startled her awake, she had no idea how much time had passed, but she knew right away that something was off. It took her a moment to clear her blurred vision and shake off the slight disorientation from not waking up in bed. Taking a closer look at Jack, she felt her stomach drop unpleasantly as she realized he was drunk. The smell of cold smoke and stale alcohol was strong enough to reach her, and the way he carefully seated himself on the large leather sofa gave away just how inebriated he really was. 

For a few seconds, she did not know what to do or say. So many conflicting feelings went through her at once, they made her head spin. She felt the skin in her cheeks flush, prickling with the blood that rushed to her head on a wave of anger. Her fingers were suddenly ice cold and slightly numb, the pillow slipping out of her grasp and landing on the floor as she rose to her feet.

Her first impulse was to pack him a bag of clothes and send him away. She had sworn to herself that she would not do this anymore, that she would not let her husband tear their family apart with his addictions again. When she looked at him where he sat on the sofa, his face buried in his hands and his shoulders hunched, she paused, though. Yes, she was livid, but she also felt sorry for him, and she could not help but wonder if she had contributed to this situation by not being around enough. 

Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath and released it very slowly, attempting to control the anger that was still bubbling beneath the surface. Once she felt like she had a better grip on herself, she walked around the coffee table and sat down on the couch next to him, her hands clasped in front of her as she braced her forearms on her thighs and leaned forward to take a better look at him. 

“What happened?” she asked, trying hard to keep her voice neutral. In the past, they had fought many ugly fights over his drinking, and she did not intend to repeat that. She was exhausted, and she was tired of having the same old argument with him. It had never gotten them anywhere. 

Jack sighed, slowly raising his head to meet her eyes, his face a mask of regret. “I messed up,” he admitted in a defeated tone. “I thought I could handle it, but I couldn’t.” He shrugged, slumping against the back of the couch and giving her a pleading look.

Sharon swallowed the sarcastic remark that was on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she followed his lead and leaned back as well, fixing him with an unwavering gaze. “Talk to me, Jack. Please,” she implored. She needed to understand his actions, what had made him fall off the wagon. If it was something that could be fixed, they would do it. 

Reluctantly, Jack began to talk about the pressure of doing his job while taking care of the kids as well as he was able to. It was easier now that he’d had over a year to get used to it, but it still took more effort than it did for Sharon. He told her how he wanted so badly to have her back and make sure she did not have anything to worry about. He wanted to make her proud, but instead, he had ruined everything. He stressed that it was not her fault, that he should have taken better care of himself. He had told her to concentrate on work, that he would take care of the rest, and he wanted her to trust him. He would not allow her to blame herself for doing exactly that. Jack confessed that it had not only been that one night, that he had found a few spare hours here and there to relax with his friends, and that he had felt like he was finally able to do that without risking losing his footing. “I thought that I could finally move on and leave this whole addiction business behind me for good, but I guess I was wrong.”

“You know that’s not the way it works,” she replied kindly, wishing that she were able to tell him that the struggle would be over one day. “If you really want to get better, you can’t go back. You know that.” 

There were tears in his eyes when he looked up at her again, his voice small and uncertain. “Are you going to throw me out?” 

Closing her eyes briefly, Sharon shook her head. “No, I won’t throw you out. Not if you are serious about being sober.” 

When he nodded eagerly, she held up a hand, making him swallow the instant reply he wanted to give. 

“I need you to really be sure about this, Jack. If this is going to work, I need to be able to trust that you’ll talk to me if you’re in trouble. You have no idea how much I appreciate all you’ve done over the last few months, but I wish you had told me that you were struggling. We could have found a way to deal with it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pretend with me.” 

She reached out to take one of his hands between both of hers, squeezing gently to get him to look at her. 

“We are partners, Jack. We promised each other to face the good and the bad together. Let me help you. I know that we can do this as long as we do it together.” 

Jack pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in her soft hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo. She felt solid against him, strong, and warm, and safe, and he clung to her for a long moment. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he finally murmured into her neck, “but I’m one hell of a lucky bastard to have you on my side.” 

For a few precious minutes, while they held onto one another, he almost believed that he would be able to do it, that he would manage to be the man she needed him to be. For a little while, her presence chased away the fear that he would eventually screw up and disappoint her, and he felt confident that, together, they would win this fight.

 

 

 

Sharon was determined to help her husband in any way she possibly could. She made sure to be home early on his regular meeting nights so that he did not have to worry about the children. She tried to set aside at least half an hour each evening to give Jack her full attention. Once the kids were in bed, they would sit together and talk, just the two of them without any distractions. It was something that had fallen by the wayside with their busy work schedules, housework, and taking care of Ricky and Emily. Whenever she had the feeling that he had something on his mind, she gently poked and prodded until he opened up to her. When he was having a particularly bad time, she tried to accompany him to his meetings as moral support. 

She thought that they were doing well, even though she was beginning to feel the added load she was shouldering in order to give her husband some breathing room. She regularly took work home with her to catch up on the things she was unable to finish at the office, in order to make school runs and take the kids to ballet class and baseball practice. It was what she had done when Jack was gone, and she quickly fell back into that familiar routine. They still shared their responsibilities, but Sharon made sure that she took over a larger part of them. 

Jack began to work more regular hours again, often dropping the children off at school in the morning and staying at work till early evening. He joined one of his colleagues at the gym most nights to blow off some steam before he returned home, and for a while it seemed as if he had regained his footing. 

It was early December when Sharon noticed subtle changes in his behavior. He seemed moody and evasive, skipping more and more of their evening talks, and picking fights over inconsequential things. She tried to talk to him, and when he brushed her off, she became more insistent, only to be told that nothing was wrong. She snuck into the bathroom after he had changed at night, digging his discarded clothes out of the hamper to sniff them, relieved when they did not smell of alcohol or smoke. 

When he continued to act strangely, she made discreet inquiries with his colleagues to find out if he actually even still went to work at all. She hated herself for her lack of trust in him, but experience had taught her to be cautious, and she believed that she was acting in his best interest, too, even if it made her feel horrible. No one was able to tell her anything that would explain his strange behavior, and she resolved to give him time to come to her when he was ready to talk.

There was another thing they would have to discuss, but she was loath to do that while Jack was in such a strange state of mind. When she had missed her last period, she had at first suspected that it was due to stress or maybe even the beginning of menopause. She was on the pill, not to mention a little beyond the age where pregnancy was the first thing on her mind when she was late. She had not been concerned. That was, until she had woken up feeling sick a few days earlier, and she had taken a good, long look at herself once her stomach had calmed down. The signs were there, and as much as she wanted to deny the possibility, Sharon was certain that she was pregnant. 

She had never felt as silly as when the salesgirl at the pharmacy gave her a strange look as she put the home pregnancy test kit on the counter. She felt as if everyone around her was staring at her as she paid for her purchase and quickly slipped it into her purse to hide it from curious glances, all while scolding herself for caring what random strangers might think of her. 

The result of the test only confirmed what she had already known, and she made sure to dispose of it in a way that Jack would not accidentally find it. She wanted him to hear it from her, not have him find out by seeing the used test strip in the garbage. There was no telling how he would react to the unexpected news, even without taking into account his recent mood. Sharon feared that the prospect of raising another child would push him over the edge again. 

To say that she was excited to have another baby at this point in her life would have been a lie. Ricky and Emily were finally old enough that they did not need constant supervision anymore. She still preferred for someone to be home when they got back from school and to not leave them alone at night, but it was a lot easier to make all the aspects of her life fit together. She no longer felt absolutely horrible for pursuing her career, and she was getting to a point where it was really beginning to take off. Even with Jack’s full support, a baby would mean that she would have to cut back on her hours significantly. Her boss might like her and the work she did, but she could not expect him to hold off on whatever he had in mind for her until it was convenient for her. There were plenty of highly qualified and ambitious people in her division who would jump at the chance of a promotion. 

Despite all the complications this unplanned pregnancy brought, both personally and professionally, Sharon would not seriously consider terminating it, although the thought had briefly crossed her mind as the test result had confirmed her suspicion. When the initial panic had set in, her first thought had been that she could not possibly have another child, but in the end, that was not a decision she would be able to live with. 

Sharon thought about the best way to approach Jack with the unexpected news, wondering if she should tell him right away, no matter how distant and short-tempered he was or if she should wait a little longer. Given her age, there was still a very strong possibility that something would go wrong, so she decided to wait. She had made a doctor’s appointment for right after New Year’s Day and would reevaluate once she had a better idea what they were facing. 

When the holidays were over, Sharon felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It had been an incredibly exhausting week full of tension and forced cheerfulness. She had not wanted to ruin the festive time for her children, and she was glad that Jack had pulled himself together as well. They had both taken the week off to spend time together and to drive down to San Diego for a few days to see Jack’s parents. He was restless and irritable, hiding it behind a mask of over-the-top joviality that made her cringe. 

For her part, Sharon felt miserable most of the time, eating little and trying hard to hide her frequent bathroom visits. She had the feeling that her mother in law suspected something, but the older woman never said anything, for which Sharon was grateful. She barely had enough energy to get through the days that were filled with Jack’s entire, large family. The last thing she needed was facing an inquisition by her opinionated mother in law. 

When they arrived back home on the first day of January, Jack had barely tossed their bags onto the bed before he was out the door again, claiming that he needed to go to the gym to work off all the food they’d had over the past week. The children were happy to retreat to their respective rooms after four days of camping out in their grandparents’ living room with all of their cousins. That left Sharon, who was barely able to drag her tired body upstairs and push the duffle bags Jack had dropped on the bed to the floor, before she sank into the soft mattress. She curled one arm around Jack’s pillow, hugging it to her body while her other hand splayed across her abdomen, feeling for any sign of the small being that was growing inside. She knew that there would not be anything for her to detect just yet, but it was enough to know that someone was there with her. 

She was not alone. As soon as that thought went through her mind, the tears started flowing. It was a silly notion to think that, in a house full of people, she was alone, but the loneliness she felt was real. It had been there before the holidays, when Jack had dismissed her concerns and her longing to be close to him once again. It had been even stronger when she was among his family, connected to the group by a link that was weakening with every passing day. She felt it weigh her down until she thought she would drown every time she discovered one of the many small changes her body went through. She wanted to share them with her husband the way she had the first two times. She longed for his relaxing head massages when the fatigue and nausea were about to do her in. Instead, she struggled to keep all that to herself. She made do without someone to bring her crackers and water first thing in the morning, someone who would hold her when being sick had exhausted her to the point that she was left sitting on the bathroom floor for endless minutes to regain her strength. Most of all, she missed having a partner who noticed that all this was going on right under his nose. 

That was what hurt most. He had not even really looked at her in weeks. Not since that time when they had ended a particularly nasty fight with a round of angry sex against the bathroom door. He used to notice when her shoulders were a little tense from being hunched over her desk too long. Now, he was completely oblivious to her frequent bouts of nausea, to her switch from coffee to tea in the morning, or the way she had taken to struggling out from underneath the comforter at night. Jack might be physically present, but he was not really there anymore, and that was a situation she would have to address sooner rather than later. 

Their confrontation came a week after her doctor’s appointment, but it was not at all what she had anticipated. Her doctor had indeed confirmed that she was pregnant, putting her at approximately eight weeks. Sharon had intended to talk to Jack right away, but their work schedules had given them very little time for an undisturbed conversations. Then she had gotten a call from her doctor’s office that morning, asking her to drop by again as soon as she could arrange. 

When she came home after that visit, telling Jack about her pregnancy was the last thing on her mind. She had barely managed to conceal her anger long enough to suggest to Ricky and Emily that they should stay with friends that night, and she was glad that they had readily agreed. Sharon did not want them to be present for the discussion that was going to happen. 

It was close to midnight when Jack finally came home, and Sharon tried very hard not to imagine where he might have been. Certainly not at the gym as he claimed. Her initial rage had cooled down a little while she waited, but the moment Jack stepped through the door, it was right back where it had started. The way he walked, his steps heavy on the hardwood floor, spoke of several shots of whiskey, and when he stepped into the living room, the smell of cigarette smoke and cheap alcohol preceded him, making her stomach turn unpleasantly. 

“Honey, you’re still up,” he said in a cheerful tone, his voice too loud as he rounded the sofa with his arms open wide, clearly intending to embrace her. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she was mad at him, and that ticked her off even more. 

When he stood in front of her, taking hold of her upper arms, his face moving towards hers, she turned her head in disgust and shrugged out of his grasp, taking a couple of steps away from him. 

“Why don’t we go to bed, hm?” He ogled her breasts that were straining against the fabric of the t-shirt that was getting a little too tight, and his tone of voice left little doubt about what it was he had in mind. For a frightening moment, she thought that she might be sick right there on the new, beige rug. 

“No, Jack, we are not going to go to bed. _You_ will not be sleeping in our bed at all tonight,” she informed him, her voice ice cold. “What you will do, however, is explain this to me.” 

Sharon reached down to pick up a piece of paper from the coffee table, handing it to Jack before she crossed her arms and stared at him while he tried to make sense of the information on the sheet. It was the test results she had been given by her doctor earlier, the ones that said that she had tested positive for Chlamydia. 

Her cheeks still tingled as she recalled the embarrassment she had felt upon listening to her solemn doctor talk her through the results and the proposed treatment plan. She was unable to imagine anything more mortifying than being questioned about the number of partners she’d had since her last test and being told how important it was to be honest about that. Sharon trusted the older woman, had been in her care for many years, but to have to justify her behavior to her was a horrible feeling. 

There really was nothing for her to be ashamed of, since she had only been intimate with two men all her life, and she knew for a fact that Andy had not given her any STDs. Before she had allowed Jack back into her bed, she had been tested, not because she suspected that Andy had been careless, but because she thought it was only fair if she expected Jack to do the same. 

That only left one explanation, and it was no less embarrassing. Her husband had cheated on her, and thanks to his carelessness, she had been forced to discuss that with her doctor. It was not the first time he had done this to her, but for some reason she had been sure that their relationship was solid this time, that he was making a real effort to be honest and faithful. Despite the rough patch they had hit recently, she had firmly believed that they would make it, that things would get better again. 

Jack looked up from the paper and sneered at her. “So, who says this is my fault? Maybe you’ve been seeing Flynn again. God knows you’ve been away from home enough to fit in a few quickies here and there. You let him fuck you on your desk? Or is the supply closet more your thing?” 

She could not breathe. The sound of her pounding heart was loud in her ears, and she was lost for words for a long moment, simply staring at him. When she finally found her voice again, it was impossibly deep, wavering slightly with anger and pain. “What did you just say?” she gasped, shaking her head as if to clear it. “You have the nerve to come in here, reeking of alcohol, clearly drunk when you promised not to drink anymore, and you are accusing me of being unfaithful? Let me remind you that _you_ were the one who left me again and again. _You_ were the one who got drunk and slept around for years before that. _You_ were the one who gambled away everything we had and almost put your own children out on the street. How dare you!” 

A few tears had spilled over her lashes, and Sharon brushed them away angrily before she went on. “When you came back two years ago, I made a commitment to you, and I have not broken it. I’ve loved you, Jack. Every single day since you came back I have loved you with everything that I have. I went against my better judgment and gave you another chance, and even when you faltered, I was by your side, trying to help you, but I suppose it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what else to do. I really don’t, and frankly, after this, I’m not sure I even want to try anymore.” 

She was crying now, the pain that was tearing into her heart too much to suppress. She resented letting him see how much he was hurting her, but there was no fighting it.

Jack seemed unmoved by her words. He simply stood there, looking at her from head to toe, his lips curled in disdain. “I hate to break it to you, honey, but you’re not as great a help as you think. What was I supposed to do? The constant nagging about everything, the checking up on me all the time. And then you treat me like an invalid, taking over practically everything as if I can’t handle doing the laundry. It’s hard enough to live with your rules as it is, but lately, all that has kept me sane was getting a few drinks after work. I just can’t stand the thought of coming home to this,” he gestured at her and the room around them, indicating their life together, “without a little liquid courage.”

If she thought that he could not possibly hurt her any more, she had been mistaken. It felt as if he had thrust a knife into her heart and was slowly twisting it, but it also stoked the anger she was feeling to a new height. “If you have been suffering so badly under my care, why didn’t you say so? How many times over the last few weeks did I ask you what was bothering you? I asked you if there was something I could do to help, and it did not occur to you to tell me that I was causing you such distress? That I was pushing you towards your next drink? Don’t you think I would have liked to know?” 

All she wanted at that point was to get away from him, to be alone and deal with her heartache in peace. What was there to say at this point, anyway? Jack was too drunk to have a serious discussion about the future of their marriage, and arguing with him would accomplish nothing. “I am going to bed. You can sleep in the guest room and we’ll talk more about this tomorrow when you are sober. Good night, Jack.” 

She got as far as the bottom of the stairs when he grabbed her arm from behind and turned her back towards him, his face red and spittle flying from his mouth when he spoke. 

“Hey, you don’t get to tell me where to sleep in my own house,” he yelled. “You see, this is the problem. You always want to control everything. That’s why I didn’t say anything. Don’t you get it? Nothing would have changed. You control how much work I do around the house, how often I get to pick up the kids from school, you tell me to go to my meetings and to call my sponsor, you monitor where I am all damn day long. Even if I had told you that it’s driving me nuts, you wouldn’t have done anything differently, because you don’t know how to not be in control of every tiny thing. It drives you mad, and you know it.” 

He let go of her arm with a slight push, not caring that he made her stumble backwards a couple of steps, her back hitting the wall behind her. “I came home every night to all this, and I put up with it because I know that you can’t help yourself, but what do I get for that? Nothing but a cold, tired bitch who can’t even be bothered to make an effort to look nice anymore. You’ve got your precious rules stuck so far up your ass you don’t even remember what it’s like to be alive. Why does it surprise you that I found someone else to have fun with? Because lately, I’ve had a better time jerking off in the shower than fucking you. When was the last time you really let go? You can’t remember, can you? Well, neither can I.” 

Once again rendered speechless, Sharon simply stared at him. She felt the blood drain from her face, and her hands felt cold and clammy. Bile rose in her throat, and she swallowed hard, trying to keep it down, taking several deep breaths until the nausea receded a little. For a split second, she thought about Andy, Jack’s words transporting her back to the feeling of utter freedom she had experienced with him. Yes, Sharon remembered exactly when she had last let go of everything, but she banished those thoughts quickly, worried that they might show on her face, and unwilling to allow that precious memory to be tainted by bringing it into her current situation. 

Sharon opened her mouth several times, only to close it again right away, still not able to respond. It did not matter, anyway. Jack would not listen, no matter what she threw at him. He was drunk and increasingly belligerent. All he wanted was to hurt her, and he was doing a great job at it. She was not even able to feel it anymore. She was feeling numb inside and incredibly tired all of a sudden. All she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and curl up under the covers. She had done her best to help him and failed, not just this once, but many times over the years. She had no energy left for this, and she did not see a point in trying anymore. Maybe she would see things differently in the morning, after a few hours of sleep, but for the moment she was done.

“Good night, Jack. You know where the sheets for the foldout are.” 

The lumpy old couch that occupied one wall in the room that served as both an office and a guest room was not particularly comfortable to sleep on, but it would only serve him right if he pulled a back muscle while doing so.

Sharon had taken two steps up the stars when Jack grabbed her from behind with both hands and pulled her back down, tossing her once again against the wall. She acted on pure instinct when she dodged him as he tried to pin her down, ducking below the clumsy swing he was taking at her and twisting his arm behind his back until he yelped in pain. She pushed him face first into the wall and held him in place until he stopped struggling. Speaking with a low, firm voice, she projected a coolness she did not feel. 

“Don’t you dare touch me like that, do you hear me?” When his only answer was a pained whimper, she continued. “You are going to leave this house the moment I let go of you, and you are not going to set foot in it again. I will have your things packed up and delivered to you, and if you don’t stop drinking, I will make sure that you won’t see your children ever again. Now get the hell out of here.”

Stepping back from him, Sharon let go of his arm, placing her hands on her hips as she stared him down. For a moment after he had turned around to face her, she thought that Jack would try to push her. There was a dark glint in his eyes that frightened her, but she did not let him see it. She quickly calculated how long it would take her to get to the lockbox and take out her gun, figuring her odds were not too bad, considering his inebriated state. Then he visibly deflated and, giving her one last derisive look, he turned around and walked towards the door, his parting shot feeling like a slap in the face. “Great. I was getting tired of being trapped here, anyway. Now I can finally live my own life again.” 

She stood completely still, breathlessly waiting until the door slammed behind him. Drawing a ragged breath, she sank down on the stairs, her faced buried in her hands. A sob shook her slight frame as the events of the last half hour started to sink in. Once again, she was alone, left behind by the man who should love and cherish her, who had sworn before God and their families to do so to the end of his days. He had once again tossed her aside for alcohol, and cards, and cheap women. She thought that she should have gotten used to the pain by now, after all the years of him walking out, but it was still as acute as it had been the first time. 

In the morning, Sharon would have to tell her children that their father had left them. She would have to make arrangements for his things to be sent to his office. She would have to call her lawyer and make sure their recent reconciliation did not have an impact on their legal separation, and she would have to figure out what changes she needed to make to her and her children’s schedules to work around Jack’s absence. 

For a few more hours, however, she would allow herself to grieve for the end of a marriage she had believed to have returned to solid ground. She would shed tears for the man she had known many years ago, the young, energetic, loving boy she had fallen in love with, the one she had briefly met again two years ago, before his addictions had taken him away from her once more. She would feel the pain, and then she would put it away once and for all. She would get up in the morning and start putting her life back together the way she had done so many times before. She might not have a partner anymore, but she had Ricky and Emily, and maybe, in a few months, there would be another one. Life would go on without Jack Raydor, of that she was certain.

 

**~TBC~**


	13. Chapter 13

  

It was late that night when they finally made it home. Andy barely managed to close the door before Sharon stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him, her head resting on his broad chest. He enveloped her in a tight hug, holding her close and letting his hands caress her back. He smelled faintly of his cologne and his own unique scent, and she inhaled deeply of the familiar, comforting mixture.

She had been thinking about this all day, whenever she turned around and saw his concerned gaze fixed on her, when she felt his reassuring presence right behind her or at her side. He had hovered a little bit, but after years of working together, he had perfected the art of walking the line between being supportive and crowding her. He knew how much she would let him get away with, and some days he stepped right up to that line. These last few days, that had been the case, but she appreciated his restraint just as much as his willingness to be there in case she needed him. He always was. 

Having someone in her life who had her back, no matter what, who steadfastly supported her, despite her stubbornness and her reluctance to relinquish even a little bit of control, that was something she was still getting used to. 

“How about you take a bath to relax while I see if I can make us something quick for dinner?” he suggested after holding her for a long moment. His voice was deep and soft, his lips moving against her temple and his chest vibrating with his words. 

She loved him for trying to take care of her, even though he was just as exhausted. After considering his offer, Sharon shook her head, burying her nose in the folds of his shirt as she tightened her hold on him even further. She was not hungry. The greasy pizza Provenza had organized for lunch earlier was still sitting uncomfortably in her stomach, which had not completely relaxed from the knot of tension that had settled there days ago. 

“A bath sounds heavenly, but why don’t you join me? I’m not really hungry right now.” 

She knew that Andy did not like to eat late at night anymore. It made it hard for him to sleep, so it was no surprise when he groaned happily into her ear at her suggestion before he turned her around and, with his hands on her shoulders, walked her down the hall and into their room. 

His touch as he slowly peeled her out of her clothes was gentle. She stood in the middle of the room, her eyes closed, and let him rid her of layer after layer, neatly placing each item over the back of the chair in the corner. When all that remained was her underwear, he allowed his hands to caress up and down her arms, his fingers digging into the tense muscles of her shoulders until she moaned. For the first time all day, Sharon felt the chill that had settled in her bones retreat, the warmth of his touch chasing it away. 

If the interview with Jack had been tough, she had been ill-prepared to watch Lieutenants Tao and McCarthy talk to Deputy Chief Davis afterwards.

  

 

_Deputy Chief Winnie Davis already occupied a chair in interview room one by the time Sharon made it to Electronics. She gave Mike a nod of thanks when he rose to offer her his seat. One of the screens in front of her showed the visibly unhappy Deputy Chief glaring at the officer that was stationed in the room with her. The other screen showed the conference room, where Jack was still busy writing down his statement. Sharon wished that they could simply turn off the audio, because the way he was trying to hit on Lieutenant McCarthy made her mildly nauseous. How the other woman was able to stay so unaffected, she did not know. Although, thinking about it, she had done the same with countless officers and suspects before, but it was an entirely different story when it was her ex-husband. She felt ashamed for him and had to remind herself that his behavior was no longer her problem. That was something she would have to continue working on.  
_

_Behind her, she felt a familiar, warm presence move up to the back of her chair. Andy’s fingers lightly brushed her shoulders as he grabbed the backrest. It was a brief touch that could easily have been accidental, but she knew better. He was trying to give her whatever strength and support he was able to without overstepping the thin line they had established between their private and professional lives. It was somewhat moot, considering their current case, but she appreciated that he nevertheless respected her boundaries.  
_

_With a little luck, they would be able to put an end to this entire investigation after speaking to Winnie Davis, and she would get to take her fianc_ _é home and indulge in one of his long, tight hugs. The thought of his arms wrapped around her and his heart beating underneath her ear was a seductive one, and she would do whatever possible to make it a reality sooner rather than later.  
_

_Finally, McCarthy rose from her chair and, telling Jack to stay put until after they had spoken to Davis, she stepped out of the conference room, holding the door for the uniformed officer who would keep an eye on the remaining occupant. A moment later, the woman opened the door to the Electronics Room and leaned inside, letting her eyes travel over the people gathered behind the large table.  
_

_“So, who wants to help me crack a Deputy Chief,” she asked with a smug smile on her lips._

_The Lieutenant was starting to feel comfortable around them. Usually, divisions outside of Internal Affairs had no warm feelings to spare for IA officers. This time, however, she was very clearly on their side, trying her best to protect the reputations of two veteran members of Major Crimes. Since she had never dealt with any of them before, they had greeted her arrival with the usual caution common for outsiders, instead of the open dislike IA officers were faced with. It was a welcome change, and it did not take her long to let down her usual guard a little bit. The detectives of Major Crimes were consummate professionals with a combined experience that easily surpassed any other division, but they were also a close-knit family with a great sense of humor. They did not allow that to shine through too much, but the case they were investigating did not leave them a lot to laugh about. Still, there were moments of levity that she enjoyed very much, even more so, since she was included for once.  
_

_Sharon smiled back at the eager woman, feeling everyone around her straighten up a little. She knew that each one of them hoped to be nominated for the task of interrogating Deputy Chief Davis, but she had already made her choice.  
_

_“Mike, will you please accompany Lieutenant McCarthy?”  
_

_He practically skipped out of the door, his “_ aye, Captain” _gleeful as he made his way past his colleagues to join the younger Lieutenant in the hallway. Sharon pursed her lips to suppress another smile and focused on the screen showing the interview room, sensing the people around her doing the same.  
_

_It took a couple of minutes for the two Lieutenants to join Winnie Davis, no doubt because they had taken a moment to discuss their strategy. They sat down across from the older woman and placed their files and papers on the table, neatly laying out every single item so that they would be able to find whatever they needed without delay._

_Davis was not willing to wait that long. Before the other two even settled in their chairs completely, she was ready to give them a piece of her mind._

_“What the hell is all this about?” she yelled. “Howard told me to report to Major Crimes, and when I got here, I was sat down in an interview room like a common criminal. This is outrageous, and you better start explaining yourselves right now.”_

_Despite Davis outranking them, neither Lieutenant was intimidated by her. Mike raised an eyebrow, and McCarthy pulled a list of the charges they were ready to file against the Chief out of her folder and put it in front of the other woman without reacting to her outburst.  
_

_She kept pushing evidence across the table, one piece after the other, without uttering a word, allowing the older woman to take a look at the information they had gathered. Davis kept a straight face as she studied the material, refusing to react_ _in any visible way.  
_

_They had started with prints of the articles, then the testimony of the journalist, before moving on to a summary of the process that led them to the computer used to email the material and the key card logs. McCarthy held Jack’s statement back for the moment, waiting to see the Deputy Chief’s response to their other evidence first.  
_

_“What does Captain Raydor’s questionable sex life or her bad taste in men have to do with me?” Davis finally asked, her eyes narrowed and her lips curled in disgust as she looked up from the documents in front of her._

_McCarthy ground her teeth in an effort to keep control over her rising temper. She had never worked with Captain Raydor prior to this unfortunate incident, but she knew the woman by reputation, and she respected and admired her. The lieutenant knew from experience what it was like as a woman in this job, and she could only imagine how much worse it had been when Raydor had started out. Sexism and misogyny were an almost constant factor in their lives, even now. To see a female officer act in such a repulsive way, undermining another woman by trying to ruin her reputation, that was something she had a hard time accepting.  
_

_“We are not here to discuss Captain Raydor’s personal life,” she replied, her voice devoid of any trace of her resentment. “What we are interested in, however, is how her personal life ended up on the news, and we would like to hear what you have to say about that.”_

_Davis sneered at the younger woman. “How should I know? But I guess that’s what she gets for behaving like a slut for so long. She thought she’d get away with it, but looks like it finally caught up with her.”  
_

_Mike Tao had seen a lot in his many years with the LAPD. He was aware that there was a lot of hatred in the world, but to see it from one of their own, aimed at a woman he respected as much as he did his captain, was a shock even for him. He rarely allowed suspects to rouse his temper, but Davis was seriously testing his restraint.  
_

_“If I were you, I’d hold off on the celebration for now. There are a few things that might catch up with_ you _in the very near future.” He let that sink in for a moment before he went on. “What can you tell us about your relationship with Jack Raydor?”  
_

_He had to admit that Davis was good. She barely reacted to his question, the slight tightening of her jaw the only indication that it meant anything to her at all.  
_

_“What relationship? He’s a lawyer. He defended a few of my division’s suspects. I don’t think I ever actually spoke to him.”  
_

_Lieutenant McCarthy gave the older woman a smug smile as she pulled several additional sheets of paper out of her folder.  
_

_“I have your phone records right here. They show calls between your cell phone and that of Jack Raydor at least three times a week over the last six months. For someone you never spoke to, that’s a lot of calls.”  
_

_She gave Davis a few seconds to mull that over, her lips still stretched into a tiny smile. The Deputy Chief was suddenly very quiet and had paled noticeably.  
_

_“Once we got that interesting bit of information,” she went on, “we asked around and found out that the two of you have met at a bar a few times. We have several witnesses who saw you together and are willing to testify to that. They said that you seemed_ very _close.” McCarthy shrugged and turned to Tao. “I guess there’s no accounting for taste and,” she faced Davis again, “it certainly isn’t a crime to date a lawyer.”  
_

_She shrugged, looking at Mike once again as if she was asking for his opinion. He, in turn, tilted his head to the side a little and narrowed his eyes in consideration._

_“Dating a lawyer is not, you’re right. However, conspiring with one to start a smear campaign on his ex-wife_ is _.”  
_

_Mike reached over to take another sheet from the folder and placed it in front of the Deputy Chief.  
_

_“This is Mister Raydor’s written statement in which he claims that the two of you had an affair that lasted several months and that, when he broke up with you, he gave you photos and videos featuring his ex-wife and Lieutenant Flynn. He thought you would use them to blackmail Captain Raydor into withdrawing her application for the Assistant Chief position. He was not all too pleased that you decided to make them public, considering the problems that created for him, so he was very eager to cooperate with us.”  
_

_Winnie Davis narrowed her eyes and gave the two Lieutenants a condescending look, not even bothering to read the statement that had been placed in front of her. She shook her head as if they were fresh out of the academy and had no idea what they were talking about.  
_

_“You have absolutely nothing but a lot of circumstantial evidence and the word of a known addict and gambler. If this is how you go about your normal cases, I really don’t know why they call you an elite division. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got more important things to do than to watch you waste the city’s money.”  
_

_With that last, biting remark, she pushed her chair back and rose. Her hands were still planted on the table and she froze like that when Lieutenant McCarthy interrupted her departure.  
_

_“Actually, Chief, we do have a little more than that. Mister Raydor provided us with the user information of the cloud space that was used to store the data he provided. We just obtained the IP address of the computer used to set up that account and it comes back to your home address.”  
_

_Mike had not expected them to get the information that soon. He knew that Andy had requested a warrant for the user data as soon as they’d gotten the account details, but it usually took at least several hours for them to get any results. Considering their Captain’s popularity with most judges, he supposed that whoever Flynn had called was only too eager to help out as quickly as possible. He wondered who had talked to the cloud space provider to make them dig up the information they needed this quickly. Maybe Julio had scared the living daylights out of some unsuspecting tech guy, or it was the Captain herself, proving once again why people called her Darth Raydor. Either way, it was a lucky break, and he would take it. If Buzz had not informed them about the latest development via their ear pieces, they would have had to let Davis go.  
_

_When Deputy Chief Davis slowly sank back down into her chair, Mike asked the question he had been dying to ask.  
_

_“Why did you do it, Chief? Was all of this just to get a promotion?”  
_

_He understood being ambitious, but he had never seen the value in throwing other people under the bus in order to get ahead. Maybe that was why he had never made it past Lieutenant, but he would much rather remain at his current rank for the rest of his career than sacrifice his integrity.  
_

_Davis sneered, her voice dripping with contempt. “What was I supposed to do? She already had the promotion before the competition even started. Pope practically trips over his own tongue whenever he sees her, and she knows exactly how to play him with her perfect little outfits and the way she struts around in those heels,” she spat, gesturing with both hands as she spoke. “The job should have been mine by default. I am next in line to Taylor, and the fact that Howard was put in charge as interim Chief is insulting. I needed to get that bitch out of the way, and when I met her ex-husband, I figured that he might have some dirt on her. I was right.” She smirked, tapping a print of one of the articles where it still lay on the table. “It took a little more time and effort that I thought, but it was worth it. He was so easy to play, it was laughable.”  
_

_McCarthy wondered if the Deputy Chief had lost her mind when she started to actually laugh. The older woman was someone she had looked up to for many years, because she had made a name and a career for herself in this male-dominated job, and she had earned everyone’s respect. It was shocking to see her so full of hate, so driven by her own ambition that she lost sight of what the job was all about._

_“Well, no one is laughing anymore, Chief.”_

Sharon sighed happily as she leaned back against Andy’s chest, his arms and the hot water surrounding her. She allowed herself to relax completely, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Andy had chosen the calming lavender bath oil she loved so much, and Sharon inhaled the soothing scent. She hummed when he trailed soft kisses along the side of her neck, gently nibbling at the sensitive skin, his hands caressing her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to let go of the stress and anxiety of the last several weeks, but her mind was still lingering on Winnie Davis and what she had done, despite Andy’s attempts at distracting her. 

Once the Deputy Chief had confessed, Lieutenant McCarthy had suggested that they let a disciplinary commission decide her fate instead of filing criminal charges. All things considered, what Davis had done was a misdemeanor, and dragging her in front of a judge would only serve to keep the incident in the press even longer. No one wanted that when the punishment would likely be no more than a fine or a few months on probation. The much more interesting question was what would happen to her career. It was already clear that Davis would not get the promotion. Whether or not she would retain her current rank or even be allowed to keep working for the LAPD would still have to be decided. McCarthy was not yet sure what her recommendation would be. She would consult with her superior, and there would have to be a psychological evaluation to assess Davis’ fitness for duty. Her actions had cast serious doubt on her judgment, after all. 

“What’s on your mind, babe?” Andy rasped into her ear, drawing her out of her thoughts.

“I can’t stop thinking about Winnie Davis,” she confessed. “She was always ambitious, but I don’t understand how she could go this far for a promotion.” 

Sharon shook her head, waving her hands in agitation as she continued. “She seduced my ex-husband for the sole purpose of getting information that might hurt my chances of getting that job. The lengths she was willing to go to for that third star… I simply don’t understand it.” 

Her frustration was evident in her voice, and Andy was able to feel the tension that had returned to her body as she spoke. He understood why she was having such a hard time relating to the other woman’s actions. There was nothing wrong with wanting to get ahead professionally. He knew that she had dreamed of her own set of stars in the past. To take others down in order to get them was not her style, though. 

“Yeah, maybe that’s why you’re a Captain and she’s a Deputy Chief. You play by the rules and you spent a large part of your career giving other women a hand up. You’re too principled for this stupid political game. And you know what?” He paused to place a lingering kiss against her temple. “That’s one of the many reasons I love you.”

It was true. He had seen her help female officers countless times. She had encouraged Chief Johnson to apply for the job of Chief of Police, coaching and badgering her until she had taken the process at least somewhat seriously. He knew that she had helped Commander McGuiness regain her footing after her husband and child had died, and when that post in SOB had opened up, Sharon had talked her through her concerns until she had been ready to take that step. The two women were still pretty close. There were many more examples like that, times when Sharon had put aside her own ambitions to help someone else. The problem was not that she was not qualified, persistent, or determined enough. She was all that. Andy knew that she would be one hell of an Assistant Chief, and an even better Chief. She simply lacked the selfishness needed to make it all the way to the top, and, since she had taken over Major Crimes, she had also lost interest in the political games. As much as he had hoped for her sake that someone would finally acknowledge how much she deserved a promotion like that, he was glad that he would keep working with her. 

“You know,” he said after a moment, “I hate to say this, but I almost feel sorry for Jack.” 

Sharon hummed in response, her fingers tracing random patterns on the back of his hand where it rested on her belly. “Yes, me, too.”

Andy grunted quietly into her ear, obviously not happy with the way he felt about the other man. It was no secret that Andy did not like Jack, but it was hard not to have some sympathy for him. Davis had used him to get information. She had manipulated him and pretended to be attracted to him. It was disgusting. 

Earlier that day, before they had sent him home, Jack had asked to speak to Sharon for a moment and she had agreed, leading him into her office to give them some privacy. She had expected many things, but not an honest, heartfelt apology.

 

_Sharon slowly sank into her chair before she leaned forward and folded her hands on top of her desk. Jack had settled into one of her visitor’s chairs, his shoulders slumped slightly and his hands fidgeting nervously in his lap. She stared at him in silence, an expectant eyebrow raised until he finally began to talk.  
_

_“Look Sharon, I know that you’re angry, and you have every right to be. I just want you to know that I never wanted any of this to become public. I honestly thought she would just use the photos to get you to withdraw your application.”  
_

_He sounded truly remorseful, but she was too furious to accept his apology just yet.  
_

_“Jack, you gave someone I work with photos and videos of intimate moments I shared with Andy. I don’t care what you thought she would or would not do with them. You should never have shared them.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache that had been an almost constant companion over the past few days throbbing behind her eyes. “Do you have any idea what it feels like? I walk into a room and I can hear people whisper behind my back about that damn video. Our children could have seen that,” she choked out, tears filling her eyes at the thought.  
_

_No matter how humiliating it was to know that at least some of the people she worked with had watched that video of her and Andy, imagining that her children or their friends might have seen it made her nauseous, and she was not sure if she would ever be able to forgive Jack for putting her in that position.  
_

_“I’m sorry,” he reiterated. “I didn’t even remember what exactly was in those files. I looked at some of the pictures back in the day, when Reynolds gave them to me. I never had the stomach to watch the video. When I cleaned out the storage room years ago, I thought about tossing the whole bunch away, but I couldn’t do it for some reason, so I had it all digitized.”  
_

_It was so typical for Jack to try and explain his way out of his mistakes. He always said that he was sorry, but in the end it was never his fault. She should never have agreed to talk to him, but there was one question that had plagued her ever since the first photos had appeared online.  
_

_“Why did you have me followed, anyway? What did you hope to get out of that? You never did anything with those images before now.”  
_

_Jack looked down at his hands as he considered her question for a moment. When he spoke, she thought he sounded almost heartbroken._

_“I don’t know. I… I guess I wanted to know what you got up to when I wasn’t around. I know that I had no right to be jealous or to get mad at you for having an affair, but I was. At first I thought that thing with Andy didn’t mean anything, but then you kept seeing him, and you looked so happy together. I was scared that he would replace me, and I guess I was right.”  
_

_He cast a careful glance at her, trying to smile at his weak joke, but his lips would not quite comply.  
_

_“At the time, I thought that maybe you’d want a divorce eventually, and that the material I had collected would come in handy, but that never happened until two years ago. By then I didn’t really want to drag all that up again. Besides, it wouldn’t have done me much good, anyway,” he concluded with a shrug._

_Sharon stared at him for a long moment, mulling over what he had told her and trying to find a measure of peace in his words. The anger she felt towards her ex-husband was somewhat familiar, but she had long ago decided not to allow him to have this effect on her anymore. Being angry at him ultimately only hurt her. It served no purpose except to fill her mind with toxic thoughts. It bothered her that she allowed any of that to take up space inside her head, and it was time that she walked away from Jack and his games once again.  
_

_“You are right about that, Jack. And it did not do you any good now, either. I am afraid that you will have to find a way to work this out with the children. They are not very happy with you right now, and I can’t blame them, but that is no longer my problem.”_

_Straightening up in her chair, Sharon started to sort through the papers and files that covered her desk, the dismissal unmistakable in her tone. “Now, if you have nothing else to discuss with me, I have a lot of work to do.”  
_

_He nodded once and got up reluctantly, hesitating a moment, obviously trying to find something else to say, before he turned around and left with a quiet_ goodbye. _When the door closed behind him, Sharon took a deep breath and released it slowly, allowing her eyes to close for a few seconds to enjoy the quiet before she focused on the paperwork that needed to be finished._

 

They had managed to put a stop to the leaks and to contain the material that was already out there as much as possible. They had found the person who was responsible for the whole mess, and she would be facing the consequences, whatever they might be. Sharon had even more or less come to terms with the fact that the people she worked with every day now knew more about her personal life than she would ever be comfortable with. Her team had made clear to her, through their behavior, that they did not care what she had done in the past, that they respected her no matter what. Knowing that was comforting and empowering, and she was intensely grateful for working with these wonderful people. 

She _would_ still be working with them. Fritz Howard had paid her a visit shortly before she left. He had informed her that, while she was definitely out of the race for the Assistant Chief position, she would be allowed to retain her current job, as would Andy. It was a huge load off her mind, and she had seen Andy’s shoulders slump in relief as well when she had told him. It was still uncertain what the new Assistant Chief would ultimately decide to do with him, since he was still on limited duty and would most likely remain so for a while longer. They did not know if he would ever be allowed to go back into the field the way he had been before, and there was no telling what that might mean for his future within the department. 

She had promised him that she would fight anyone who would try to make him retire, because she honestly felt that he was an integral part of her team even while limited to desk duty. In the months since he had returned from medical leave, Sharon had gradually given Andy more responsibilities, allowing him to lead a little more of the investigative side while she focused on administration. She would never completely give up being a part of solving crimes, because that was something she loved very much, but she also knew that Andy needed to feel useful. 

Another plan that she had come up with, one that she had yet to share with anyone, was to put Andy in charge of being a mentor for Buzz. The young man had done a great job finding his father’s and uncle’s killer, and it was obvious that he was thinking about his future. Sharon would not approach him directly, but she hoped that, some day soon, he would come to her to ask for advice once more, like he had done when he had started to think about becoming a reserve detective. In the meantime, she figured that Andy might be able to take him under his wing and encourage him discreetly to take a leap and chase his dreams. 

All of that would depend on how her first meeting with their new Assistant Chief would go. There had not been an official announcement yet, but everyone knew that it would be Leo Mason. They would know in a couple of days, probably at the beginning of the week. Until then, all they were able to do was wait and enjoy the long weekend they had been given, and she already had a few ideas how to do just that, especially since Rusty would not be home. 

Her youngest son was extremely put out with them at the moment, and as embarrassing as the situation was, she could not help but be amused by his reaction. While they had wrapped up their investigation, Rusty, who had dropped by to discuss something with Buzz, had accidentally caught sight of Andy’s computer screen. At the time, Andy had been going through the cloud storage with all the photos and videos Jack had uploaded, and a particular set of images had caught Rusty’s attention. They featured the old Volvo she had given him, the car he drove to school every day. Climbing out of the backseat of that car were his mother and Andy, both looking extremely disheveled, leaving no doubt as to what they had been up to. 

It was Rusty’s outraged exclamations that had drawn her out of her office. Her son had stood next to Andy’s desk, his back turned away from the screen and his hands covering his eyes as he mumbled something about having been scarred for life. Her fiancé had sat in his chair, his face in his hands and his shoulders shaking silently. Thankfully, the room had been otherwise empty, as most of the squad had still been out for a late lunch. 

Once she had figured out what his problem was, Sharon had tried to calm the boy down, but it had only earned her a lecture about things people were not supposed to do in their cars, and did she know how gross it was, and that he had sat in that backseat, and how was he supposed to ever drive that car again? It had been hard not to laugh, especially when she had heard Andy’s helpless grunts and snorts. 

He had finally settled down after she had reminded him that he was not forced to drive that car, that he was more than welcome to take the bus to Santa Monica each day, if the thought of what had happened in the Volvo’s backseat 24 years earlier disturbed him so much. When he had told her, much more calmly, that she would have to pay for a lot of sessions with Doctor Joe before he would get over that, she had merely given him an indulgent smile, refraining from mentioning that she already paid for his appointments with the good Doctor. They had all been relieved when Buzz had chosen that moment to come back from his break, giving Rusty the perfect escape. She had seen no need to question him when he threw over his shoulder that he would be staying with Gus over the weekend. A few days alone with Andy were just what she needed.

Twisting slightly so that she was able to look at Andy, Sharon gave him a sultry smile, her voice low and husky with desire. “How about we take this into the bedroom?” 

While her mind had lingered on the past few days, Andy had been busy enjoying the enticing body that was reclined against him. He had wondered how long it would take her to catch up with him and finally let go of work. His caresses had become bolder with every minute she spent pondering their existence outside of these four walls. Only when he had pinched her nipples hard, pulling at them and twisting them between his thumbs and forefingers, did she return her attention to the present. Her sexy bedroom voice always had an effect on him, but combined with having her between his thighs, her lower back pressed against his groin and her soft, wet skin under his hands, he was more than ready to take her up on her suggestion. However, it had been quite a while since they’d had the time and energy for more than falling asleep in each other’s arms. With their private life being spread all over their workplace and beyond, the mood simply had not been there, and he was feeling that now. Andy was realistic enough to know that, if he allowed Sharon to touch him, he would not last very long, so he would have to distract her long enough to make sure that she got her needs taken care of first.

“Later,” he whispered into her ear, before he latched onto the sensitive spot right behind it, nibbling on the soft skin until she whimpered and squirmed in his arms. 

His left hand abandoned her breast and slid down over her stomach to the inside of her thigh, nudging it gently until she caught on and lifted her leg over the rim of the tub, opening herself to his questing hands. He let his fingers play along her soft folds, slipping inside her just enough to make her roll her hips into his touch, searching for more. He teased her mercilessly, slowly, patiently bringing her to the edge. 

She had confessed to him, a little after they had started dating officially, how much it frustrated her that her physical responses were no longer as quick as they used to be. The desire was definitely there, but it took longer for her body to respond. Andy did not mind at all, however. It merely gave him another reason to take his sweet time with her. He loved touching and tasting her just as much as he loved the feeling of being inside her. Seeing her fall apart underneath his hands, feeling her tremble and writhe in his arms, her whimpers and moans filling his ears, was worth every second it took to get her there.

Her heart was beating frantically inside her chest and her head was spinning slightly as her body slowly recovered. His fingers were still inside her, and her walls pulsing around them. The heel of his hand was pressed against her clit, and the barely there stimulation kept sending little sparks of pleasure along her veins. His other hand cupped her breast, his thumb lazily brushing over an overly sensitive nipple. 

With another long moan, Sharon slumped into him, completely sated. She had not felt that state of utter relaxation in a while, and she wanted it to last as long as possible. Andy did not seem to be in any particular hurry to move, either, so she allowed herself a few more minutes to bask in the afterglow, to enjoy the feeling of safety, of being loved and taken care of. Once she regained a semblance of control over her body, she would take her fiancé into the bedroom and make sure that she repaid the favor.

 

**~TBC~**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I want to thank the FFN guest reviewer who, in a review to one of the early chapters, wondered about Rusty’s reaction to learning that Sharon and Andy had a little fun in his car. The idea was too funny to ignore.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning:** Part of this chapter deals with the subject of miscarriage. If that is a problem for you, please skip the first flashback.

  
 

The sky was a pale pink as the sun slowly rose. Sharon breathed deeply of the fresh morning air. She closed her eyes, enjoying the peace of the early hour. Sleep was still elusive for her, even more than two weeks after they put an end to Winnie Davis’ attempts at harming her reputation and professional standing. On most mornings, she left her sleeping fiancé in their cozy bed and went outside to sit on the beach and watch the sunrise. The ocean had always given her solace in times of trouble, and it still did. 

Once the case against former Deputy Chief Davis was closed, their new boss, Assistant Chief Mason, had suggested that she and Andy take a few weeks off to get out of town. While most of the media attention had refocused on more important issues only days after the case had been solved, some reporters still tried to score an exclusive interview with the _naughty couple_ , as they had been dubbed by some publications. It was Chief Mason’s hope, and theirs as well, that those last few curious reporters and those within the department who were aware of what had transpired would have moved on by the time they returned from vacation. 

They had finally taken Gavin up on his offer for them to stay at his time-share in Monterey. It was a beautiful, sprawling beach house with a stretch of reasonably quiet beach. Countless windows and the open floor plan made it friendly and welcoming, and the last two and a half weeks had been very enjoyable, giving the couple a chance to spend plenty of uninterrupted time together. They talked to their children on the phone regularly, but that was not the same as having one of them constantly coming and going. They did not have to fear that the ringing of the phone meant a new case, even though it had taken Sharon a while to not automatically expect bad news whenever someone called. 

She was beginning to truly relax for the first time in many months. Even before the most recent drama their lives had been far from quiet. Between Andy’s health issues, Chief Taylor’s death, and the subsequent search for his replacement, they had hardly had a moment to breathe, let alone several days in a row to simply be together. The timing for this vacation could not have been better with their engagement still fresh. It was a wonderful way for her to calm the last bit of nervousness she had felt about her spontaneous answer to his proposal. 

Andy had taken her completely by surprise. When they had started dating, they had spoken about their intentions, that both of them were interested in more than a fling this time. Marriage was not mentioned, even though both of them imagined spending the rest of their lives together. She had not realized that it was something Andy would want, just as she had not know that she wanted it until he went down on one knee in front of her. She had said yes before she had given herself time to think about it. The answer had come from her heart, completely circumventing her head, which was not the way she made major life decisions. While she had not regretted her answer, she had wondered occasionally if they were moving a little too fast. 

The last two and a half weeks had shown her that it did not matter one bit. Andy was the man she wanted beside her for however long they would have left. No amount of thinking would change that. 

As if her thoughts had summoned him, Andy appeared next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulder as he sank down on the sand beside her. She leaned into his warmth, stretching up to kiss him in greeting before she snuggled into his side and allowed him to pull her close. It was a ritual they repeated almost every morning, and Sharon began to realize that more than the gradual shift of the light from night to day or the gentle roll of the ocean, the presence of this wonderful, kind, generous, infuriating man was what gave her true peace. He knew when she required time alone or when the spinning of her thoughts got so overwhelming that she needed him to pull her out of that endless loop. He sensed when she wanted him to listen or when his advice was appreciated. Most of all, he was always there when she needed him, even if he did not immediately know how to help. 

That did not mean that there were no problems. They had differences of opinion, and they outright fought on rare occasions. He did not run away when the going got tough, he struggled through the hard parts, and he challenged her to do the same. He gave her space, but he also confronted her when she was closing herself off from him. He did not allow her to retreat into herself when she was hurt. She was expected to tell him very bluntly when he was being an idiot, and he did not let her back away from a fight. 

It was something she had discovered when they had started dating. Her years of marriage to Jack had made her resigned when it came to arguments. She had done more than enough of that with her ex-husband, and it had never resulted in anything but hurt feelings, usually hers. As a result, she had been reluctant to speak out when Andy did something to hurt her. 

The small annoyances like his seemingly omnipresent dirty socks were no problem. It was the big things she struggled with, and Andy had helped her move past that. He had proven over and over that their relationship was a safe space, that no matter what she thought or felt, he would listen to her, and he would respect her feelings, even if he disagreed or thought she was being ridiculous. They would discuss it, and if necessary, they would fight about it until both had said their piece. 

He only ever walked away from an argument when he felt that he did not have enough control over his response, but he was open about that, too. He always told her that he needed a moment to think and cool down. He would take a walk around the block and then he would return, prepared to have a reasonable discussion about whatever their problem might be. In the years of their relationship and their friendship before that, she had learned to take that time for herself as well, and Andy always gave it to her. 

With Andy, Sharon had found a man who was truly her equal, who understood her with all her quirks and issues, who had stood by her side for longer than she had ever admitted. He had been there to witness her triumphs, and had seen her at her absolute lowest. Through all of that, he had never stopped loving her, and that was really all she needed to know. It might have taken her the better part of two decades, but she knew now, without a doubt, that he was the one person who completed her, and the idea of being apart from him was unfathomable.

 

 

_Her desk was a mess. Files and loose papers were piled so high that they threatened to topple over, and there was barely any room left to work. Sharon wanted to scream, and not just because of the chaos. Her last fitting skirt was starting to become uncomfortably tight around her waist, her bra chafed against the sensitive skin of her breasts, which seemed to have grown even bigger since that morning, barely remaining within the confines of the garment. In addition to that, her back had been hurting all day. She suspected that it was past time to give up her stylish heels in favor of more sensible footwear, but that realization did not alleviate the pain. She needed to buy new, looser clothes for her rapidly changing body. Whatever maternity clothes she had owned when she was pregnant with Ricky and Emily had been given away long ago, since she had not intended to ever be pregnant again, so she had to start from scratch. The thought of the massive amount of preparation that was still ahead of her put her in a mild panic. She had no idea where she would find the time. Just when she thought work was calming down a little, their case got knocked down in court and they had to start investigating all over again. It was proving to be an even bigger mess than they had originally thought.  
_

_The pain in her back was getting worse by the minute, and she was considering packing in for the night when someone approached her corner desk, startling her out of her thoughts. She looked up and sighed when she saw Andy Flynn stopping in front of her, a file clutched in his hands and a dour expression on his face.  
_

_“Sergeant Flynn, what can I do for you?” She cringed at the annoyed tone of her voice, giving him a tired smile to take the bite out of it.  
_

_He handed the thin folder over to her, raising an eyebrow when she hesitated to take it._

_“Sergeant Willis asked me to drop off a copy of my report, and seeing that he’s not here anymore, I hoped you might take it. I don’t want to get in trouble for delaying the process or something like that.”_

_Rolling her eyes at his sarcasm, she took the report from him and tried to locate a reasonably clear part of her desk where she would find it again in the morning._

_“I will give it to him tomorrow. Was there anything else you needed?”  
_

_It was difficult to sound at least somewhat civil when she had a hard time sitting upright. There was a brief flash of anger in his eyes, before he narrowed his eyes slightly and gave her a long look.  
_

_“Are you okay, Sharon?” he asked, his gaze softening. When she did not answer immediately, he sank into one of the chairs in front of her desk and continued to study her closely.  
_

_She thought about reprimanding him for his lack of professionalism, but she was able to tell that he was truly concerned. They might no longer be in a personal relationship, but that did not mean that they simply stopped caring. She leaned back in her chair and briefly closed her eyes as she took a deep breath.  
_

_“I’m all right, Andy. Just very exhausted. Being pregnant is not as easy as it was ten years ago,” she confessed with a wry smile.  
_

_“I heard some rumors about that. Wasn’t sure if I should believe them. Congratulations, Sharon.”  
_

_They smiled at one another for a moment until the awkwardness became too much and Andy pushed himself out of his chair.  
_

_“I’d better head out. You should go home, too. It’s getting late and you look like you could use a hot bath and a good night’s sleep.” He hesitated for a beat as if he was thinking about something, but then he just nodded once and stepped around his chair.  
_

_“Take care of yourself.”  
_

_He was already on his way out of the door by the time her soft_ thank you _reached him. His kindness had taken her by surprise, and she would be lying if she claimed that his concern for her wellbeing did not feel good. Deciding to take his advice, she slowly sorted through the files on her desk, stacking them into neat piles and locking away what was not supposed to be left out for others to find._

_  
_

_Andy had not been prepared to see her. Of course it was always a risk when IA was after him for something, but so far, he had been lucky enough not to run into Sharon since she had told him to leave. It hurt to think about her being pregnant. He imagined how she would go home to her husband, how Jack would give her a back rub or massage her aching feet. Andy had never imagined having children with Sharon. Theirs had not been that kind of relationship, and they had both already had two when their relationship began, but after he had seen her, he found himself wishing that it was him who got to take care of her._

_He sat in his car for a while, trying to shake himself out of his unwelcome thoughts. Maybe it would be a good idea to find a meeting on the way home. Thoughts of Sharon always led him down a road of conflicting memories, of wondering what he should have done differently. His past was full of regrets, and disappointing Sharon was one of his biggest regrets.  
_

_Andy was about to start his car when movement in his rear view mirror caught his attention. Someone had stepped off the elevator and was slowly walking along the row of parked cars. Curiosity had him check who it was, and he frowned when he realized that it was Sharon and that she was clearly not feeling well. She was hunched over slightly, her usual impeccable posture absent. When she stopped at a concrete column a few cars away from his, bracing her hand against it as she bent over even more, a hand pressed to her abdomen, he pulled the keys from the ignition and got out of the car, closing the distance between them in a few long strides.  
_

_His hand on her back startled her, and she jerked upright to see who was touching her, relaxing immediately when she realized that it was Andy. She allowed him to take her purse off her shoulder and let him lead her back to his car where he opened the passenger side door and helped her sit down, her feet still outside on the concrete. He crouched down in front of her, one of his hands brushing an errant strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.  
_

_“Sharon, talk to me. What's wrong?”  
_

_For a split second she thought about lying to him, of telling him that she was okay, but as reluctant as she was to fall back into old habits, she was scared and in pain, and she was relieved to have someone with her who she was able to trust completely.  
_

_“I don't know,” she replied, her frightened eyes seeking out his steady gaze. “I've been having back pains all day. I didn't think much of it, but now I'm having cramps and…” She did not even want to say it out loud. Before she left the office, Sharon had gone to the bathroom and discovered blood in her underwear. It was not much, but enough to worry her.  
_

_Andy thought for a second about their options before he gently clasped her trembling hands, giving them an encouraging squeeze.  
_

_“Okay, get in the car. I'll drive you to the hospital and we’ll see what's going on. It'll be all right.”  
_

_He prayed that he was right, but he did not like how pale and weak she appeared to be as she shifted in her seat so that he could close the door. Walking around the car, Andy took a few deep breaths to calm himself down before he slipped behind the wheel and started the car.  
_

_It was not a long ride to the hospital, and Sharon was grateful that he had not deemed it necessary to use lights and sirens. She was not feeling well, but the bleeding was not bad enough to be an immediate danger to her. As for the rest, a few minutes more or less would probably not make a difference at this point.  
_

_When he pulled into a parking spot near the emergency room entrance, Andy jumped out of the car and rounded it, helping her to her feet and reaching for her purse that he had deposited in her foot space earlier. He offered her an arm to hold on to, leading her slowly to the entrance.  
_

_It was a busy night, like any other night in a downtown Los Angeles emergency room. Andy led her to a vacant seat before he went to the reception desk. He saw to it that Sharon did not noticed when he flashed his badge to make sure she did not have to wait too long for a doctor to see her. He was not sure if it was his badge, Sharon being a cop, or her condition, but the nurse in charge had her on a cot in a curtained off area within a few minutes. It took a little while longer for a doctor to show up, during which time another nurse gave her some paperwork to fill out and took her vitals, scribbling down a few notes on a chart._

_When they were left alone, Sharon took a moment to study the man who quietly sat beside her bed. “You really don't need to stay,” she finally said.  
_

_He shook his head at her, smirking at the expected stubbornness. “I'm not going anywhere.” He hesitated for a second. “I mean, unless you want me to?”  
_

_He was worried about her, and the idea of leaving her alone did not sit well with him. Then it occurred to him that she might wish for someone else to keep her company and hold her hand through whatever was happening. He cleared his throat, tugging on his earlobe in a nervous gesture. “I'm sorry, I didn’t think… If you give me his number, I'll call Jack and make sure he gets here as quickly as possible,” he suggested.  
_

_She sighed. The state of her marriage was not something she wished to discuss with Andy. “That won't be necessary, but thank you,” she replied, looking down at her hands that were twisted together in her lap.  
_

_There was no need for her to elaborate. The sadness in her voice and the darkening of her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Jack had walked away once again, taking another part of her heart with him. Andy wondered how many times she would allow her husband to do this to her, and he could not help but feel a little jealous. His wife had never considered taking him back once she had thrown him out, and even Sharon had not given him a second chance. He realized that he was being unfair to her. It was Jack she had sworn to love and cherish for the rest of her life, not him. She owed him no chances. They'd had a good time together without commitment, and he had screwed it up.  
_

_Shifting his chair closer to the bed, Andy took one of her hands in his, letting his thumb draw calming circles on its back. He held on to her when the doctor finally saw her, and when she was told that she was losing the baby and there was nothing they could do to stop it. He sat with her through the worst of the cramps, letting her squeeze his hand when it got too much, as they waited for the fluids and pain medication she was put on to run through. When all of that was done and the worst was over, he drove her home. When the reality of what had just happened finally hit as she was about to climb into bed, his solid shoulder was there for her to cry on. He held her until tears made way for exhaustion, and even then he did not let go of her hand until he was sure that she was asleep._

 

Sharon had woken up late the following day to an empty bedroom and a note on her bedside table. He had told her that he was sorry he had to leave, but they had caught a case and to call him if she needed anything at all, that he would be there for her. It had made her cry again. Here was a man who had every reason to dislike her for not sticking with him when he might have needed her most, and he selflessly gave of his time and kindness once again. 

She had wanted to call him, not to ask for his help but to thank him. She did not remember how many times she had picked up her phone to dial his number only to hang up again before the call could connect. The truth was, she had been afraid of what would happen if she attempted to reconnect with him. The idea of finding solace in his arms had been tempting, but he did not deserve to be used in that way. She had barely been over Jack's latest disappearing act and had not even begun to come to terms with losing her baby. There was nothing she’d had to offer, so she had kept her distance, merely dropping a short note on his desk to express her sincere gratitude for his kindness. 

“Good morning, my love,” he murmured into her ear, planting soft kisses against the sensitive skin below. “How are you?” 

It was a question he had asked her every morning since the beginning of their trip. Sharon smiled as she leaned away from him far enough that she was able to look at him. She caressed his slightly stubbly cheek with a gentle finger, allowing herself a moment to drown in his kind gaze. She knew that he loved her, but sometimes seeing the depth of his feelings shining in his eyes still took her breath away. He had chosen her, despite everything, and it made her happier than she had ever thought possible.

“I am great,” she said with a smile. “I was just thinking how unbelievably lucky I am to have you. I didn't deserve you.” 

“What do you mean?” he asked, clearly confused. 

“You have always been there for me. In all the years we have known each other, you never turned me away, even when I kept pushing you out of my life. I think I haven't been very kind to you over the years, and I am very sorry about that.” 

Andy stared at her, completely taken aback by her remark. “Sharon, you have never once been unkind to me in all the years I have known you. Well, except maybe that one time you sent me to that useless sensitivity training.” He took one of her hands in his as he turned his head to plant a kiss against the base of her thumb, which was still caressing his cheek. “There were no promises between us. When we started seeing each other all those years ago, you were very clear about the fact that you were married. We both gave as much of ourselves as we could, and if you think that I gave more than I got in return, you are wrong. You were there when my kids didn't want to see me. You let me into your life when I was so lonely that I didn't see the point of going on anymore. You were the one who gave me the kick in the butt I needed to stop drinking. You were there for me as a friend and much more in so many ways. You have nothing to feel bad about.” 

He kissed her passionately, making sure there was no doubt about his feelings for her. He swallowed her surprised gasp and smiled into their kiss when it drew one of the small hums he loved so much out of her. When they finally pulled apart, he tugged her head against his shoulder again, letting his fingers slide into her hair to massage her scalp until she relaxed completely, curling her arms around him. With his nose buried in her thick curls, he closed his eyes and let the strong waves of happiness roll over him.

 

_He had not seen her in months, and it had been close to three years since they had actually spoken more than a few words. Andy had a feeling that she tried to delegate cases that involved him or his team to one of her subordinates. It stung a little bit, but he supposed that it was better that way. It was not common knowledge that they’d had something going on a while back, but there was no guarantee that no one would ever try to use it against them. He tried to believe that she was simply looking out for both of them instead of actively trying to avoid him.  
_

_When she had been promoted to Captain and took over the newly established Force Investigation Division, which she had helped build, he had dropped by her new office late one night to congratulate her. There had been flowers, and they had talked for a while. She had looked fantastic.  
_

_He had been tempted frequently to ask how she was doing following that night when he had sat with her as she was losing her baby. In the end, he had decided that she knew how to get a hold of him, and that he had made it clear that he would be there for her. He had not wanted to bother her, and from what he had heard, work had been kind of crazy for her over the following couple of years. She had been busy and probably had not needed him sniffing after her. The truth was, however, that he had missed her.  
_

_That was a feeling he was quickly beginning to question as Captain Sharon Raydor was striding into their crime scene, pulling down their yellow tape and replacing it with her own. She was hot as hell in her dark trench coat and the glasses that were a more recent addition to her look. She was also incredibly annoying with her little note pad and an endless amount of questions.  
_

_Internal Affairs had always kept an eye on cases where civilians ended up shot or otherwise harmed by LAPD officers. With the relatively new Force Investigation Division, however, it was an entirely different kind of madness. They had come up with all these new rules and regulations, put procedures in place that made everyone’s job more difficult, and were pissing people off wherever they went. Sharon had not been particularly popular before her promotion, but as head of FID, she had acquired several interesting nicknames as well as an impressive number of enemies. No one within the LAPD was able to hear her name without a shiver running down their spines, and Andy had no doubt that she was deriving a perverse pleasure from that knowledge.  
_

_Sharon had once told him that she did not need people to like her at work. He’d had a hard time believing it, but once she had explained how it made her job a lot easier if she did not worry about her popularity, he had begun to understand. It was hard for him not to like her, because he knew what she was like once she shed the impassive mask she tended to wear at work. He was familiar with the love shining in her eyes when she looked at her children and the warmth of her laughter when she thought he was being a lovable idiot. He remembered what it felt like to have her arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace, and he recalled the softness of her small hand in his, their fingers entwined. He had seen her laugh, and cry, and fall apart beneath him. To him, Sharon Raydor was more than the Wicked Witch of FID, more than Nurse Ratched, or Darth Raydor. She was a friend and the woman he had lost his heart to many years ago.  
_

_When she showed up at his crime scene, however, questioning his conduct and making it sound as if it was his fault that the dirtbag had gotten himself shot, it was easier to understand why his colleagues despised her so much.  
_

_They had been chasing down a lead in a murder case when they entered the small warehouse. One of their potential witnesses was supposed to work there, and they had wanted to invite him downtown for a chat. The only problem was that the idiot had started running, and then there had been shots fired. No one was one hundred per cent sure what had happened, but their witness was dead, and they would have to start at the beginning once again.  
_

_That alone had Andy riled up, because he had planned to have the case solved by the end of the day, or at the very least by the next morning, so that he would be able to go to the Dodgers game in the afternoon. He had gotten tickets for himself and his son, hoping that the boy would actually show up. Without their witness, it was unlikely that he would be able to get away, and that situation had not improved with the arrival of FID.  
_

_He was barely able to hold on to his weapon when Sharon and her minions swept in, and that only after he had shown her that he had not fired it. It irked him that she had not taken his word for it, and he was getting even more riled up when she started questioning the way they had approached their witness.  
_

_“Captain,” he tried to explain once again through clenched teeth, his patience long gone, “our information about this guy was clear. He wasn’t supposed to be a threat. He’s just a kid, damn it.” He gestured towards the prone body of the young man who lay on the ground only a few feet from them, covered by a sheet and awaiting his ride to the morgue. “If we had expected him to be armed, don’t you think we would’ve gone about this differently?”  
_

_She had her hands on her hips and her head tilted slightly to the side as if she was trying to figure out just how stupid he was. Andy balled his hands into tight fists where they hung at his side and bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something that would get him into even more trouble. He had heard how fond she was of these new anger management courses, and he had no intention of finding out for himself how much they sucked.  
_

_“Well, Lieutenant, it seems as if your intelligence was not wrong. One of your officers was. We did not find a weapon with our victim or anywhere in his vicinity. Detective Callaghan shot an unarmed man.”  
_

_Andy bristled at the accusation, offended on the behalf of the young detective. “Now wait just a god damn minute,” he practically yelled. “Detective Callaghan said that she returned fire after she was shot at from behind that car over there.” He pointed at the vehicle next to which their witness was just being loaded onto a gurney. “She’s a good cop. If she says that’s what happened then that’s exactly what happened. I won’t let you call her a liar.”  
_

_He had worked with Sarah Callaghan for over a year, and she was a smart kid. Young and ambitious, but always cool under pressure and as tough as they came. In many ways she reminded him of Sharon way back when they had both been younger. Maybe that was why he felt so protective of the young woman._

_“I am not calling anyone a liar, Lieutenant. I am merely pointing out that there are certain discrepancies between your statements and the evidence. Unless you can explain what happened to the gun with which my victim supposedly shot at you?”  
_

_She was patronizing him, and it drove him mad. What angered him even more than her attitude was his almost irrepressible need to kiss that superior little smirk off her lips until her perfectly applied lipstick was smudged and his hands had messed up her immaculately styled hair._

_“No, I can’t, and frankly,_ Captain _, that’s your job. My job is it to find and arrest a murderer, so if you let me and my people continue to do that, we’ll get out of your hair so you can go hunt for your stupid gun.”  
_

_He was done with her and her damn rulebook. Time was ticking, and with each passing minute, their chances of catching their actual murderer got slimmer. He had no time to stand around and listen to her lecture him about procedure. Andy turned around and walked away from her, determined to get back to his people and see if they could get out of there.  
_

_What happened next, he did not know. One moment he was looking for Detectives Callaghan and Diaz, the next he was on the ground, staring up into Sharon Raydor’s concerned and slightly blurry eyes. His head was pounding and his shoulder was burning with pain. People were swarming all around them, screaming and running. He blinked to clear his vision, but that only served to make him nauseous, so he closed his eyes until his stomach settled down again._

_Sharon was caressing his cheek with one hand, running her fingers through his hair, and cupping his face. The other hand was resting on his uninjured shoulder, keeping him from sitting up. Her lips were moving, and he once again thought how much he wanted to kiss her. When the ringing in his ears finally subsided a little, he heard her voice, urging him to look at her, to stay with her, telling him that he would be all right. She sounded shaken, which surprised him. Only a moment ago, she had seemed as if nothing could rattle her. It pleased him that he had finally managed to make her let go of that superior attitude. He would enjoy his victory just as soon as his head stopped spinning._

_The next time he woke up it was in a hospital bed, and the light was too damn bright. He squinted at his surroundings, frowning at the vast amount of tousled, reddish-brown hair that was curling on the pillow right next to him. One strand tickled his cheek when he turned his head to study it closer, and he blew at it to relieve the itch. His body still felt too heavy for him to lift a hand to do the job. The puff of air did more than just remove the tickling hairs from his face. The entire pile started moving, emitting strange, grumbling sounds, before it shifted upwards and transformed into the sleepy-eyed form of Sharon Raydor.  
_

_She looked adorable with her messed up hair, slightly smudged makeup, an imprint of the crumpled sheets on her cheek, and a disoriented look on her face. He would never say so out loud, however. Even in his confused state he knew better. It only took a second for her shake off the lingering fog of sleep and give him a bright smile. He figured that whatever was going on, if she was able to smile like that, it could not be too bad, even if he hurt all over.  
_

_“Hey you,” she greeted him in a blessedly quiet voice, one of her hands caressing his cheek gently. “How are you feeling?”  
_

_Andy gave it a moment, taking inventory of his body and all the aches and pains he felt. His head hurt, especially at the left temple. When he frowned, something pulled uncomfortably at the skin there, and he suspected that it was a taped up cut, on top of what appeared to be a substantial bruise. There was a sharp pain in his right shoulder, and that arm was strapped to his body to immobilize it. His left hip and shoulder ached as well, but far less intensely. All in all, he concluded that it was not pleasant, but he’d had far worse.  
_

_“I’m okay. Hurts like a bitch, but I’ll live. Care to tell me what happened?”  
_

_Sharon studied him closely. His voice was gruff, his hair stuck up in all direction, making her want to run her fingers through the thick strands to tame it, and his warm, brown eyes were clouded with pain. At least they had cleaned the blood off his face. She shuddered as she allowed her mind to go back to that moment only hours before when she had frantically searched for his pulse.  
_

_“What do you remember?” she asked cautiously, wondering how far back she should start with her recounting of events.  
_

_There were countless jumbled images in his head, and he tried to make sense of them. When he found one that he was able to place, he took it and went from there.  
_

_“We were trying to find a witness. Paul Santiago?” He was not entirely sure he got that right, but Sharon did not correct him, so he went on. “He ran and got himself shot. You showed up and gave us a hard time over it. I remember that we argued about something, but nothing after that.”  
_

_Sharon nodded, relieved that he seemed to recall most of the events of the previous evening. “Yes, that’s right. We had a disagreement about the way I did my job. You were about to stomp off in protest when someone tried to shoot you.”  
_

_She did not mention that mere seconds before that had happened, she herself had briefly thought about shooting him, if only with a beanbag gun, but the idea had stopped being amusing the moment someone had actually tried to kill him. Her breath still caught in her throat at the image of his unresponsive body beside her on the hard ground, a pool of blood forming underneath him.  
_

_Her fingers brushed along his forehead, carefully avoiding the butterfly bandage that had been placed over the cut on his temple. They lingered in a barely there touch on the angry bruise that was spreading over the entire side of his face, and she felt the twinge of guilt that was familiar by now.  
_

_“I am afraid this is my fault,” she confessed, her voice and expression full of regret.  
_

_Andy raised an eyebrow, promptly regretting it when it made his head throb even more. Considering what he remembered, what she had told him to fill the gaps, and from the placement of his injuries, it was easy to figure out that she must have tried to drag him out of harm’s way, the momentum causing him to fall down and hit his head. That also explained the ache down that entire side of his body.  
_

_“I guess it beats the alternative,” he replied with a smile. “I’ll take the headache over being dead any day, so thank you.”  
_

_His tone might have been flippant, but he truly meant it. Their eyes locked for a long moment, allowing him to convey his gratitude and to see how deeply shaken she still was, even hours after the event. It hurt like hell, but he raised his left hand to capture hers, which still lingered on his injured cheek. He pulled it down to rest on his chest, right over his heart, covered by his, their fingers intertwined.  
_

_“I mean it, Sharon,” he reassured her once more, waiting until he saw the darkness that lingered in her eyes lift a little. Then he finally looked back up at the ceiling before he closed his eyes and heaved a big sigh. “Any idea when they’ll let me get out of here?”  
_

_She could not help it. The fear and tension of the last several hours needed a release, and his absolutely predictable behavior was the last straw, causing laughter to bubble up inside her. Letting her forehead fall against the mattress next to him, her shoulders shook quietly, and as hard as she tried, she was unable to suppress the snorts that inevitably followed.  
_

_“Oh my God,” she finally gasped as she tried to regain control. “You have not even been awake for ten minutes and you are already itching to go home? Can you maybe give it half an hour before you start bullying people to release you?”  
_

_“Hey, who’s bullying? I was just asking,” he clarified, a smile tugging at his lips. It was good to see her laugh._

**~TBC~**


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Sue, who has been poking me about that one special scene since September.

They sat like that for a long while, both staring into the distance as they watched the sun rise. When Sharon’s stomach rumbled loudly, Andy chuckled quietly before he nudged her to sit up so he could rise to his feet. His knees popped in protest, but he simply raised a brow at Sharon’s laugh when she groaned softly as he helped her up. They weren’t as young as they used to be, but they took the little aches and pains with humor, teasing and poking fun at one another instead of complaining about the inevitable.

Arm in arm, they made their way back into the house, working side by side to make coffee, prepare toast, scramble a few eggs, and slice a few fruits. It was a routine they had found months ago, back when Andy had stayed with her after his dust up with the car. Back then, she had only allowed him to take care of the fruit while he was seated at the breakfast bar, but it had been comfortable from the start. Having him around had always felt right, even when, according to everything she believed in, it had been wrong. Technically, it still was, at least as far as the Catholic Church was concerned. Their annulments were still being processed, and it would probably be another few months before they would hear anything about them

That had been a conversation they’d had once Ricky had left a few weeks earlier. The moment Andy had mentioned that his ex-wife had filed the paperwork so many years after their divorce, Sharon had known that it had been her sons and his daughter that had meddled in affairs that were none of their business. She had sat Andy down that night and asked him how he truly felt about it, and she had made him promise to have an honest talk with Sandra before they made a final decision. When she had told her sons that it would have to be Andy’s decision, and that he should not make it just to please her, she had meant every word of it. She was grateful that Andy had taken her concerns seriously.

He had sat down with his ex-wife, and they had talked for a couple of hours, a conversation that he later told her had felt really good. It had been honest and raw, but they had walked away from it feeling closer to one another than they had since well before their marriage had fallen apart. Sharon remembered the way he had smiled, and the happy sparkle in his eyes when he had come home to her afterwards, telling her how Sandra was truly happy for them, and that she was finally ready to see how much he had changed. They were not naïve enough to believe that there would never be any conflicts between them anymore, but there was healing and growth and understanding. Maybe, Sharon kept thinking a little wistfully, she and Jack would reach that point, too, some time in the future, if not for themselves, then at least for their children. They more than deserved that.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, as they sat across from each other at the small kitchen table, exchanging tender smiles and soft touches. When the eggs were gone, they started feeding each other mango slices and grapes, their gazes lingering on the other’s mouth, darkening when a tongue darted out to circle a finger. Sharon let her bare foot slide up and down Andy’s leg underneath the table, and she smirked mischievously when his eyes darkened and his breath caught as her toes slowly walked up the inside of his thigh. She barely brushed against the bulge at the top, only long enough to feel it twitch and to notice his rising interest. Then she rose from the table and collected their dishes, walking towards the sink as if nothing had happened, suppressing a laugh at his surprised grunt behind her.

Sex with Andy had always been good, on occasion even spectacular. It had changed over the years as they had grown and matured, as their relationship had undergone shifts and changes, but it had never been disappointing. Some things they did in the past made her blush now, even more so after having some of them dragged out into the open recently, but putting that aside, she did not regret any of it. What they had discovered over the last couple of weeks, away from their often-crazy work schedule and the demands of their families and social lives, was a playfulness that had not been there before. They took advantage of the large house to enjoy one another whenever and wherever they felt like it, which was frequently.

Sharon was not surprised when, only a minute after she had started filling the sink, arms slipped around her from behind. She hummed as he buried his nose in her thick hair, nuzzling it aside until his lips found the sensitive skin at the side of her neck. She kept washing their dishes, even though he made it hard for her to focus on the task. His hands caressed up and down her front, from the waistband of her jeans to the underside of her breasts, gently tugging her soft, dark blue sweater up until his fingers feathered over her bare skin.

She leaned into him, her butt pressing against his growing arousal, moving slightly against it until she drew a groan from him. In retaliation, nimble fingers made short work of the buttons of her pants and slipped inside, finding her already wet and eager for his touch. Her knees buckled slightly as desire shot through her like lightning, but she kept her own hands busy running the dish rag over a plate, her gaze stubbornly focused on what she was doing, even though she wanted nothing more than to turn around and kiss him. It would be more fun to wait a little longer and see what he would do to get her attention, and he would get it eventually. He knew exactly how to play her to make her go along with whatever he had in mind, and so far, she had not been disappointed.

 

_In all the years they had known one another, they had never gone out on a proper, romantic date. They had grabbed dinner or lunch together, watched a few movies, or taken long walks. They had even gone to the theater once when one of her friends had canceled on short notice and she’d had the ticket, but they had never officially dated. Even as Sharon checked her appearance in the mirror once again, wondering if Andy would like the blue dress she had chosen, she reminded herself that tonight was not a date either. He had simply asked her out to dinner to thank her for taking care of him when his doctor had refused to send him home alone with his concussion and shoulder wound.  
_

_She had felt a little anxious when she had researched the place he had made reservations at, finding out that it was supposed to be a very romantic rooftop location. She was almost ready to call it off, but it had been a long time since she had gone out, and the night and two days she had spent at his place two weeks before had reminded her why Andy had never left her heart completely.  
_

_It should have been awkward to be in his house, to cook in his kitchen, to help him change his clothes. Instead, they had felt comfortable around one another, laughing as they struggled to figure out how to get him out of his shirt without aggravating his shoulder or when he called her into his bathroom after his shower, a sheepish look on his face as he tried and failed to close the buttons of the jeans he had wanted to wear. From that moment on, he had opted for sweatpants, even if he had wanted to look a little more put together while he had company.  
_

_The night she had spent in his bed had been completely innocent, mostly because he had not even been able to bend his fingers without hurting. If the way he had looked at her in the oversized t-shirt and shorts he had lent her was any indication, however, his thoughts had been anything but innocent. As she curled around his arm, careful of his bruises on that side, her mind had started to wander down a path of old but fond memories, making her body buzz with something she had not felt in a while.  
_

_When she had left for her own home the next evening, it had been with mixed feelings. On the one hand she had worried about leaving him alone, even though his doctor had given his okay, and Andy had felt a lot better. On the other hand, she had been relieved to put some distance between them, because the comfortable closeness had frightened her._

_A few days later, they had met for coffee and a talk. They were both reluctant to step away from one another again after they had somewhat rekindled their connection after all those years. They had been open and honest about what they wanted and what they were willing to give, and it had turned out that they both wanted the same thing. They had missed their friendship and hoped to be able to revive that. If certain benefits ended up being part of that renewed friendship, neither one of them would object.  
_

_She had been very clear, however, that she was not looking for a relationship or any kind of emotional entanglement. No matter what they ended up doing, they would keep their children, friends, and families out of it this time, and certain things, like spending the night or an entire weekend together, would not be happening. That one night she had slept curled into his side recently would remain an exception due to his injuries and would not be repeated. Sharon had reminded him, and maybe also herself, that she was still a married woman and had no intention of getting a divorce, no matter how rotten a husband Jack was. She might be willing to compromise her values to satisfy her physical needs occasionally, but her heart was off limits._

_If she were honest with herself, Jack was not the main reason for keeping an emotional distance between them. Yes, she was still married to him and would not change that fact, but that was not why she tried to guard her heart at all costs. She had jumped into her marriage as an eager, young woman, giving everything she was and everything she had to the man she intended to love for the rest of her life. He had taken her heart, and once he got bored with their life together, he had tossed it aside. Over the years, she had opened it to him again and again, always hoping that he would cherish that gift this time. He had always ended up crushing it at some point, leaving her to pick up the scattered pieces.  
_

_Then there had been Andy, a man who had done his best to be by her side, even though they had never made any commitments to one another. He had allowed her to cry on his shoulder when Jack had left her, he had helped her out when her husband had run off with all of their money and she had not known how to feed her children. He had been with her when she had lost the baby her husband had abandoned before it was even born. All these years later, after everything they had been through, and even though she had never been willing to admit to him or to herself how much he meant to her, Andy was still by her side. Despite his kindness towards her, he had ended up breaking her heart when she had allowed her guard to drop around him. He had not done so deliberately, but the result had been the same.  
_

_The moment Jack had walked out on her and their unborn child a few years ago, Sharon had sworn to herself that she was done with romance. That part of her life was over. She simply had nothing left to give - to any man. She had her children and her parents, and that was enough. Her heart was full, and her life was good. She was happy and had finally reached solid ground emotionally and financially. There was no way she would risk that. Not even for a man who had once come very close to stealing her heart. That was what she had told him over coffee, and he had agreed wholeheartedly, his own energy focused on his sobriety and on reconnecting with his children.  
_

_They had reached an understanding, and that, more than anything, allowed her to relax and go with whatever he had planned for the evening. She would be lying if she claimed that it did not feel exciting to be wined and dined instead of simply meeting up to release some tension. She enjoyed it when she got a chance to dress up and make an effort with her hair and makeup beyond what she did for work on a daily basis. It was even more rewarding when the reaction to the result was as satisfying as Andy’s the moment she opened her front door to let him in.  
_

_Andy knew that Sharon was an attractive woman, just as he knew that she had a great fashion sense. Still, coming face to face with her in a royal blue dress that hugged her figure in just the right way, that afforded him a great view of her long, shapely legs and a generous amount of cleavage, was entirely unexpected. He swallowed hard, struggling to keep his eyes from lingering on the soft swell of her breasts. She grinned at him, her eyes sparkling mischievously at his obvious admiration of her looks. He would feel uncomfortable knowing that she had caught him staring if it were not for her own eyes darkening as they took him in.  
_

_“Are you ready?” he asked, taking great pains to keep his voice even despite the sizable lump in his throat. He wanted to put his hands all over her, but that was not what the evening was supposed to be about. Friends, he reminded himself as he offered her his arm and guided her to his car. If all he got to do that night was look at her across the dinner table and spend endless hours talking to her, he would be more than happy._

_The two cocktails she had ordered gave her a wonderfully warm and light feeling, almost as if she was floating. She was definitely not drunk, but feeling a pleasant buzz. The warm hand at the small of her back, the strong presence at her side, and the intoxicating scent of his cologne might be contributing factors as well. Even after they stepped into the hallway to wait for the elevator, her blood still sang with the soft, soothing tones of the small jazz ensemble that had played quietly in one corner of the restaurant all night.  
_

_Andy maneuvered her so that she stood right in front of the doors as they waited, stepping up behind her, his arms sneaking around her and pulling her back against his chest. She leaned into him, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the left as she felt him trail soft kisses along her exposed neck. For a fleeting moment, she congratulated herself for deciding to put her hair up, but when he found that spot at the back of her neck, right at her hairline, all coherent thought left her, and she melted into him.  
_

_Sharon barely noticed when the elevator arrived and Andy navigated them inside. Not once did he pause his gentle exploration of her neck. His tongue traced the shell of her ear before he suckled on her lobe, drawing a moan from her. Then he nibbled his way down the side of her neck and along her shoulder until her dress stopped him, and he gently bit into the soft flesh he found there.  
_

_When his hands started wandering all over her stomach, up her sides, back down and up again, until his thumbs grazed the sides of her breasts, she started moving her backside against him, feeling his growing arousal against her firm cheeks. He groaned and thrust against her, prompting her to repeat the motion. Desire started pooling between her thighs, her chest and face flushed with it. The slightly rocky descent of the elevator only intensified the fluttering inside her stomach, and she was exceedingly grateful that no one else needed to go downstairs at that precise moment.  
_

_A second later the elevator bounced a few times before it came to a sudden halt. The lights flickered alarmingly and then went out, plunging them into total darkness for a beat, until the emergency light switched on. It bathed the small space in an orange hue, barely bright enough to make out the walls around them.  
_

_An undignified squeak escaped Sharon at their unplanned stop, her eyes open wide and her body rigid in Andy’s arms. He pulled her a little closer, his hands splayed out on her stomach, thumbs drawing soothing circles on the soft fabric of her dress until she relaxed against him once more. Confined spaces were not her favorite thing in the world, even though she did not think of herself as claustrophobic. She had been stuck in an elevator once before, but that had been at work, with a case file to keep her distracted, functioning lights, and considerably more space around her.  
_

_It seemed as if Andy decided that distraction was exactly what she needed. He only took a few seconds to get over his surprise before he started to attack her neck with renewed fervor, kissing and nibbling her sensitive skin until he drew an involuntary moan out of her. When his hands started wandering her torso again, unashamedly cupping her breasts, she whimpered before she stiffened in his arms._

_“Andy,” she chastised him with little heat. She could not believe that he would do this in their current situation, but her body did not share her reservations. It eagerly answered his call for intimacy.  
_

_“Relax,” he whispered in her ear, his tongue flicking out to trace along its shell once more. “No one’s here to see us.”  
_

_Sharon hesitated for a moment before she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, leaning back against him and surrendering to his touch. Closing her eyes, she pushed her anxiety at their situation out of her mind and allowed the sensations he created to take over.  
_

_Andy gently caressed her soft mounds through the fabric of her dress, his thumbs flicking over her nipples, the contact only enough to drive her crazy with desire for more. She felt his grin against the side of her neck as he continued to tease her, until he finally hooked his fingers into the low neckline of her dress and drew it down until her breasts spilled out into his waiting hands. He knew how much she loved it when he paid attention to them, and as a self-proclaimed tit man, he was only too happy to do just that.  
_

_Her soft moans and heavy breathing filled the small cabin as he pinched and twisted her nipples, almost but not quite hard enough to be painful, while he rubbed himself against her backside. She wanted to turn around and touch him, to kiss him and feel his lips wander down her body, but she was unable to move, too caught up in his skillful ministrations.  
_

_A groan of frustration was drawn from her when one of his hands left her breast, but then he started inching up her dress, the skin of her thigh on fire in the wake of his feather light touch. By the time he slipped a questing finger into her panties, she was beyond any coherent thought, her head spinning and her knees weak with need. Two long digits entered her slowly, and he groaned at the wet heat he found there. Withdrawing them just as slowly, he found her clit and drew tight circles around it just the way she liked it.  
_

_They both knew that it would not take long for her to tumble over the edge, and a part of her wanted to feel him inside her. If he had suggested it, she would not have objected, but that thought was forgotten a moment later, when he quickened his pace.  
_

_Then the light came back on, and a second later, the elevator jolted violently before it resumed its slow descent. Once again, Sharon tensed, torn between her fear of being discovered and the fire in her belly. Andy’s raspy voice in her ear made her shudder, the sound of his own desire unmistakable.  
_

_“Do you want me to stop?”_

_It only took her a split second to decide, and maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that Andy had her right on the brink of release, but instead of pulling away from him, she ground her ass against Andy’s erection, the corners of her mouth lifting at his pained groan. “Don’t stop. Please,” she begged, relieved when he complied.  
_

_Their time was extremely limited, but when Andy thrust two fingers into her once again while his thumb rubbed against her clit, she felt the first tentative flames lick along her nerve endings, making her fingers and toes tingle. His fingertips reached deep inside her, brushing against her g-spot as his thumb pressed down on her sensitive nub. Sharon gasped and thrust her hips, seeking out his touch, needing just a little more. When he bit into the soft skin where her neck and shoulder met, she moaned, sparks erupting behind her lowered lashes as her body tensed and her walls gripped his fingers tightly, pulsing around them as he drew out her pleasure for a few seconds more.  
_

_She was still trembling, her legs shaky, when he withdrew his fingers and smoothed down her dress, quickly tucking her breasts back into her bra. She was only just decently covered once more when the doors of the elevator opened on the ground floor. Sharon turned around, her hand reaching out to hold onto Andy’s arm to keep her legs from giving out underneath her. When she looked up at him, his eyes were almost black with desire as he licked her juices off his fingers. The longing to kiss him, to seek out his tongue with her own and taste herself on his lips was almost impossible to resist, but he simply grinned at her as he guided her out of the elevator in front of him.  
_

_He stayed close behind her as they passed an elderly couple, and she had to suppress a nervous giggle when the woman gave them a suspicious look. Sharon guessed that it was hard to misinterpret the flushed look on her face and the way Andy practically held her in front of himself like a shield, but at that moment, she was not quite able to care much about what people thought of them. She was too busy thinking about the fastest route home and the fact that, with Ricky recently off to college, there was no one that would be disturbed when she dragged Andy through her front door and into her bedroom – if they even made it that far._

 

Her legs were still shaky when she walked into the bedroom. Andy had been relentless. His skilled fingers had brought her over the edge twice before he had turned her around, sat her onto the counter and spent another ten minutes delighting in her taste until she had been screaming once more. And yet, as she entered their room and saw him stretched out on the bed, stark naked, grinning, and with a very impressive erection twitching against his stomach under her heated gaze, she felt her own desire settle deep inside her core, heavy and potent as she imagined what was ahead of them. He would not let her take an active part in their little kitchen tryst earlier, but she intended to get even. That smug grin would be gone soon enough, when he figured out what she had in store for him.

Sharon closed the door behind her and turned to the chair in the corner of the room, her back towards her waiting fiancé as she slowly, teasingly peeled out of her remaining clothes. She had not bothered to retrieve her jeans and panties, leaving them on the kitchen floor where Andy had dropped them. Her t-shirt and the long cardigan were more than enough for her to feel comfortable walking around the house. There were no children around to be traumatized by seeing their half naked mother, and Andy most definitely did not mind.

Andy’s eyes raked over her body as she stretched up to pull the simple, tight shirt over her head, leaving her in nothing but a dark blue lace bra. It was something she would never consider wearing to work. Impractical was what she called it, because it did not do a very good job of supporting or covering anything, which was exactly why he loved it. That, and the fact that the friction of the coarse material against her nipples drove her wild when he brushed his thumbs over them. His fingers twitched where they were laced together behind his head, tingling with the remembered feeling of the warm heaviness of her lace-clad breasts. He wanted to run his fingers up and down her spine, to see her shiver as goose bumps erupted all over her skin. She was so responsive to his touch, even more so now than she had ever been before.

It was something he could get used to all too easily, this living into the day with nothing to do but to eat, sleep, and fool around. He sometimes regretted that he was no longer a young man, but they had found many delightful ways to work around that slight disadvantage, and Sharon had reassured him many times that age did come with many positive sides, and that those far outweighed the fact that he did not get it up as quickly and as frequently anymore as he did twenty years ago.

She, on the other hand, was easy to arouse these days, her hunger for him almost impossible to satisfy. Especially since they had left Los Angeles. Without the pressure of work, and with a house all to themselves, Sharon had let go of the last of the walls she had built around herself over the years. There was no reason for her to control her every reaction, her words and expressions the way she did at work, or even around her children. That was what she had told him at the beginning of their trip, once she had started to relax. He had seen her at her absolute worst. He had seen her completely unravel emotionally, and he still loved her, he still respected her. There was no need for her to pretend or to hide anything from him, and that gave her a freedom she had never felt before. She was making use of that freedom to the best of her abilities, and Andy considered himself the luckiest man on earth for getting to enjoy this side of her.

He also got to enjoy the sight of her walking towards him, obviously comfortable with his hungry eyes devouring her naked form. There was an extra sway to her hips, and he marveled at the soft glow of her pale skin in the low light. He was unable to see them, but he knew that there were countless freckles scattered all over her chest and shoulders. She hated them, especially since the sun had made them more prominent. When his tongue drew paths between them, she did not mind them so much, however. Her hair fell in thick, unruly waves over her shoulders, no longer quite covering the soft mounds he yearned to touch and taste. Her nipples were dark and firm, begging to be suckled and nibbled at, and he could almost hear the soft, mewling sound she would make if he did.

Her belly and hips were slightly rounded, the thin waist and flat stomach she used to have years ago long gone, but he preferred her this way. She was softer now, in many ways. Her face and body showed traces of a long and often hard life, but the lines around her eyes proved that, despite everything that had happened, she had never forgotten how to laugh.

One thing that had not changed at all in more than twenty years were her legs. He was aware of her workout routine, of the time she spent in the pool or doing yoga. She used to run when she was younger, but her knees no longer appreciated that kind of exercise.

It did not matter to him. None of it did. If she had stopped working out years ago, he would love her just as fiercely, and his desire for her would in no way be diminished. He appreciated her body, loved the soft skin that stretched over her taunt muscles, enjoyed the benefits of her flexibility, but it was the light in her eyes as she looked down on him, the way she raked them over his body, and the devious smile that tugged at her lips. It was her warmth and kindness, the sense of humor few people got to experience. Not unless they were lucky enough to be counted among her friends.

And then there were the handcuffs gleaming in the low light where they dangled from her fingers as she held them out in front of her. She approached the head of the bed slowly, like a predator, her eyes never leaving his, issuing a wordless challenge. When she raised a questioning eyebrow, he raised his hands towards the metal headboard without conscious thought. His breath caught in his throat when he felt the cold metal snap into place, and desire set his entire body on fire. He was dying to know what she was up to, but whatever it was, he knew she would take her time.

Over their long, tumultuous relationship, Sharon had often thought about that night when he had made her surrender to him completely. She had frequently wondered what it would be like to return the favor, and after what he had done to her in the kitchen, she thought that it was time to show him what it was like to be at someone’s mercy.

It was not that he never let her take control of their lovemaking. On the contrary. He enjoyed it when she took over, but he also had a hard time keeping his hands off of her, and he invariably ended up distracting her. That was not going to happen today.

Warmth spread through her chest when he complied with her silent command without hesitation, his eyes darkening as they locked on hers. She did not speak. It was unnecessary, and she loved to keep him guessing as to her intentions. He would find out soon enough.

She slowly crawled onto the bed, kneeling next to his hips, and allowing her hands to feather over the skin of his chest. The wiry hairs that covered the wide expanse tickled her fingers, and she hummed in delight at the feeling. She could spend hours running them through his thick chest hair, gently tugging and scratching until he growled in pleasure.

He was a handsome man. Softer around the edges now than he had been when they had first met, his body carrying the scars of his share of close calls. She traced them with her fingers, remembering the stories behind them, and saying a silent prayer of thanks that he was still with her. She recalled the first time her hands had run over his bare body, when he had been all hard muscles, tanned skin, and unruly, black hair. He had been like a work of art back then, like one of those statues one would find in museums. Now he was real, flawed in many ways, a little worn, but exactly what she wanted. They had both aged and changed until they were perfect for one another with all their imperfections. It had taken them well over two decades to get to this point, but here they were, together, and happier than she would have ever thought possible.

Shaking herself out of her sentimental thoughts, Sharon slowly moved farther down his body, allowing her lips to taste what her hands had explored before. She felt him shift beneath her as she moved lower, his eagerness to be closer to her hard to miss. She scratched her nails along the inside of his thighs, nudging them apart so that she could fit in between. Her eyes locked onto his as she kissed a wet trail from his left knee all the way up to his groin.

Her fingers curled around his hard length, holding him in a firm grip as she slid them up and down, licking her lips in anticipation. She let her tongue circle around the tip a few times, lapping at him like a cat, delighting in the salty taste of pre-come, his low groans, and the helpless thrusts of his hips. Finally giving in to his wordless pleas, she took him into her mouth, sliding her lips up and down his length. She hummed around him, her tongue and teeth driving him crazy. Looking up at him, Sharon saw him struggle against the cuffs, no doubt wanting to bury his hands in her hair, or to pull her up until he was able to kiss her. He always did that when it became too much, when she was pulling him too close to the edge. Not this time, she thought, grinning around his thickening erection.

Letting him slip from her mouth, she licked and nibbled her way down the pulsing flesh until she reached his balls. She sucked them into her mouth one after the other, gently tugging until he hissed. Reluctantly, she let them go before she returned to his length. She sucked on his tip, pulling back until the suction made him whimper. Then she sank down on him until he hit the back of her throat, only to repeat the whole process again and again until he begged her to stop.

Sharon was trying to kill him. Andy was convinced of that. It was no secret to him that she gave a hell of a blowjob, but it had never been like this, probably because he usually stopped her after a few minutes. He cursed the fact that he had let her cuff his hands to the bed. He wanted to weave his fingers into her thick curls. He wanted to drag her up to meet her mouth with his. He wanted to feel her slick, hot walls close around him as he sank into her to her hilt. He wanted to hold her head and pump into her mouth until he came. He was going to die.

His heart was beating so hard that he was convinced she would be able to hear it, and he had trouble breathing. He felt his balls drawing closer to his body as sparks of electricity shot along his limbs. She had him right on the edge, and she knew it. Just when he thought that it was over, she backed off a little, eased away slightly until he regained a little control, only to work him up again.

There was no coherent thought left in his head, and he had no idea how long she had been at it, but his balls felt as if they were about to turn blue, and it was the best damn thing he had ever experienced. Then she tightened the grip she had on him and took his balls in her other hand, squeezing them slightly as she sucked him even harder. Fire was crawling up his dick, and he stopped caring that his hips bucked wildly underneath her. He had begged her to stop, and he had warned her repeatedly that he was about to lose control, but she had not ceased her attack. At this point, he was beyond any kind of selfless considerations.

When he felt a wet finger gently slide into his ass, it was over. He howled his release as light exploded behind his eyes. He was vaguely aware of her lips that were still working him, no doubt sucking his soul out through his dick, and he thought he might never stop coming. If it was possible to die from an orgasm, he surely would, and he would not mind in the least.

It felt like an eternity before the explosions in his head and the jerking of his body finally stopped, and he collapsed against the pillows, barely able to catch a breath. The bed shifted, and soft hands touched him everywhere. His hands were released from their restraints, and lips kissed his cheeks and forehead tenderly, before the warm presence next to him left, only to return a little while later.

When the post-coital haze finally lifted, Sharon was curled into his side, an arm and a leg slung over him, and her head pillowed on his shoulder. Her hand rested on his chest, laying flat against his heart, which was gradually slowing to its normal pace. He turned his head slightly and planted a kiss into her hair, his lips barely cooperating. If the house were on fire right at that moment, Andy was convinced that he would not be able to move one inch. But that was okay; he would die a happy man.

“Damn, woman,” he muttered, his voice raspy, “In sixty years, no one has ever made me feel anything like that before.”

It was true. He’d had great sex, a lot of it with the woman beside him, but he had never come this hard in his entire life.

“That good, hm?” she replied on a laugh, smiling up at him, her eyes sparkling happily.

He shook his head at her, completely in awe of the amazing woman who, through some miracle, had decided to spend the rest of her life with him. “You have no idea.”

She laughed again, propping herself up on one elbow and cupping his cheek with her hand. “Oh, I think I might have,” she whispered before she drew him into a languid kiss.

When she finally pulled back, she stared into his eyes, her fingers caressing his face, feathering over his nose, his brows, along his strong jaw, and his slightly swollen lips. Every bump, every inch of skin, every wrinkle was as familiar to her as her own features, but it felt as if she was seeing him for the first time. Something was different, and yet it was not. Maybe it was just that she had never truly opened her eyes before.

“I love you, Andy.”

She shook her head and placed a finger against his lips when he opened his mouth to reply. There was more that she needed to tell him, things she had not understood until a few moments ago.

“It has always been you,” she began, tears shining in her eyes. “All these years, you were right there beside me, even when I pushed you away. I thought that I did not need you, that this was something I could control, but I was wrong. I know that I hurt you, especially by breaking it off when I started that audit, and I wish that I had considered looking for another way to deal with that situation. It was not fair to you, and I am sorry about that.”

This time, Andy managed to interject when she paused. “You’re right. It hurt to let you go, but it was the right thing to do at the time, and you know it. If Goldman had gotten wind of our relationship, we would’ve been in even bigger trouble. And the Chief would probably have killed us.” They both smiled at the mental image of an exasperated Chief Johnson wrapping her bare hands around their necks.

Andy remembered that particular time all too well. They had been seeing one another again for almost seven years, carefully keeping it casual. At least that was what they had been telling each other. It had stopped being a fling for him long before that. He had started falling in love with that feisty soccer mom, who resented being relegated to snack duty while the dads got to help out on the field. He had not known it back then, but that was when it had all started for him.

When they had hooked up again shortly after he got shot right in front of her, there had been a part of him that had hoped that they would eventually become more than friends with benefits, but he had not expected it to take another eleven years. It had not always been easy between them during that time. The audit and that whole lawsuit mess had put a strain on their relationship, pitching them against one another in a way they had not experienced before. She said that he had always been by her side, but he knew that that was not true. There were things he had said about her and to her, things he had done, that he was not proud of. There had been some ugly fights, and some even uglier silences. In the end, however, they had found their way back to one another, and that was all that mattered.

“Maybe,” she conceded, “but I want you to know that, even when I pretended that you were just a friend, even though I believed it myself at the time, that’s not entirely true. You have always been a friend to me, but for a very, very long time, you have been so much more than that.”

She looked down at his chest, watching her fingers draw random patterns on his skin as she nervously chewed on her lower lip.

“It took me a few decades to catch up, but my heart has been leading me towards you from the start. You are it for me, Andy. You are-“ she hesitated, trying to find the right word that described everything she felt when she thought of him. “Home,” she finally added, looking up at him to see if it made sense to him.

Andy closed his eyes and tugged her against him, his arms holding her in a tight embrace. Yes, he understood. She was the one he went to when he was sad, or angry, or uncertain, or happy. She was his strength and his comfort, his light and his lifeline. In her, he had found his greatest champion and his toughest challenger. She constantly inspired him to be better, to grow and learn, but she never made him feel inadequate. She was the home his heart and soul had chosen. It had been a long journey, the path towards friendship and love trodden more than once, but they had finally arrived. They were home for good.

 

**~FIN~**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who managed to hang on for the ride, for your wonderful feedback, your favs, likes, and all those lovely things! You are all very much adored!


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